Ugh I am so stupid

Life is so sucking I am the stupid damn person on the planet. I had to call maintence as we had a little bathroom emergency well I was in such a rush I did not see the adapter Mary had knocked onto the top of the stairs and tripped on it and fell on my back all the way down the stairs. Mary insisted my mom take me to the hospital as Phil was working and also felt I should go to the hospital. Both were very insistant. So Mary came with and my mom dropped us off and there w were for many many many hours. To find out I have bruised back ribs, whiplash in my neck (apparently more of my stupidity because I made things worse by trying to stop the fall), I pulled muscles in my stomach that hurt so damn bad, and they thought I fractured my leg which I insisted I did not and xrays showed I was right it was the shock of landing on the adapter. I actually have the plug marks right into my foot. Which probably sent the shock into my leg thus I could barely walk. Mom came back and picked us up and Phil met me when he got off work. Not sure why because he was very withdrawn and I even painfully showered by myself because I just had to after all the limping. I thought I was going to die. It took till 6am before I was finally able to sleep. Nothing helped my pain. Not to mention Phil and I talked alot and it was some misunderstandings and some of this and that just kinda ended with just being to tired to continue. I wish people could get memory chips because what started it with him and I is his insisting I did not tell him about the kids appointment on valentines day and I know I did because telling him a day or two before frustrates him so I do try to tell him a week or so ahead but even then alot of times he doesn't remember and then we argue and I cry and then I wish I could do something so that wouldn't happen. I hate arguing with him it upsets me so much I mean so so much. I want him to be happy I hate upsetting him. Why can't I ever get anything right?
Before I leave about the hospital I have to say it is bull when someone has a stroke and the hospital has them waiting hours for a doctor. Hello damn it this person could die what the hell is wrong with people? Canada's medical system really needs help. This is sad and disgusting seriously.But maybe that's just me, ticks me off to no end.
So Mary stayed home today because she was tired from the night at the hospital. So she spent alot of hours in the basement cleaning with me. OMG it is so bare you would not believe it was a basement. Still no dog that I so supoosedly fricken had grrrr. I know I sent it to georgia I thought it was going to be put at the site. Like what the hell would I keep something so important to him for? That so upsets me. So anyhow my basement is pretty much bare. We threw out so much. DJ and Phil and Sarah took the stuff we brought up to go in the trash. I am sure some people scavenged for some of it but I care not. I did find my brothers elephant collection that Mary apparently always knew was there.
Oh my toilet now has a brand new handle that is nice to have again.
Mary didn't want to do the kitchen like she is supposed to but I just did it anyhow. So dishwasher is running and I made the cake because it didn't get made either. OMG I am hurting so damn bad now. Phil did tell me to rest but I wanted to get things done. I'll get some painkillers tomorrow the ones I had are now gone. Not that they did a damn thing.
Oh I was throwing away extra carpet and I guess I grabbed something Phil left behind a carpet or some thing that he just flipped right out about when he saw I threw out. Turns out it is something that his family has had a long time. I just wanted to cry I felt so bad. It was fine it was not with anything bad so now it is hung up and he is joyfully happy now.
Man I wish I had more pickles left I am so eating alot of tuna lately since I don't eat much I eat at least a bit of that at a time. Brainfood I guess. I guess I need it since my brother, Christine, my aunt Judy and Tiffanie at the very least think I am stupid and everything else. Yeah I don't hide behind the need to control and lie oh bad me for being so open about my life. Screw anyone who feels the need to hide who they are grow up for God sakes!
Apparently Jim now knows Phil is living at Cheri's. He apparently didn't like Phil but has decided he's fine with him there and they all talked. But apparently how I see or feel or anything else is irrelevant. My feelings don't matter and was told as much! So I guess I should just put up and shut up!
I have such a wish to meet Criss Angel/mindfreak. OMG he is so damn hot. His stunts though freak me out. I mean making it look like he was chopped up in a tree chopper and getting hit by a car and making the guy believe he was dead. What a hard thing to watch a few times I cried I was like OMG. When he got shocked and had to go to the hospital holy hell batman I felt like that was it don't go for the real thing. He really likes to push the limits he is so different from any other magician and so much hotter hello baby kiss me yeah baby.
I signed a petition for Cody Posey I don't want to him get an adult sentence. I just feel so much for that boy and I truly feel his uncle was not truly honest in his family testimony on the stand. I am sorry but too many people really seemed to collaborate Cody's testimony.
I feel like I am dying I am so sore what was I thinking doing so much and I did laundry too.
What do you say to somebody who always asks you why you love them? That they aren't worth loving? That only one person in their family and their two daughters are the only people in the world that makes them feel like they are not out of place and don't belong? How do you make them see you do love them, they are worth loving and they do belong not only with you but with their friends and family as well? I mean if you see it and they don't and nothing you say or do makes them understand that then what?
Damn my back is hurting so damn bad. of all the places to land on why my back? I could have fallen on my butt and been fine. You should have heard Mary tell the nurses and doctor trying not to laugh but not being able to help herself she giggled so loud and said all her and DJ heard was cachook cachook cachook cachook kacccssssssshhhhhhh and she still laughs. I figure when the pain fades I will laugh too. Right now the pain just makes me cry:( Anyhow hope all is well with everyone else.... oh and Happy Valentines Day :)