Confusion in the heartland

First off I can't go wish I could but if anyone is out that way: "King Ring Nancy has been invited to audition for a spot in the movie Decoy's Rebirth the audition will take place at Red's at West Edmonton Mall Tomorrow Sunday Feb 19 starting at 12.00 NOON . Fifteen bands will be auditioning for two spots in the movie presentation. Feel free to come out and cheer us on All Ages welcome"To all of the woman, may you enjoy the words, to all the men, remember to love those who either gave birth to you or to the beautiful woman who married you or shares their life with you.Why Women CryA little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?""Because I'm a woman," she told him."I don't understand," he said.His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will."Later the little boy asked his father,"Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?""All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.The little boy grew up and became a man,still wondering why women cry.Finally he put in a call to God.When God answered, he asked,"God, why do women cry so easily?"God said:"When I made the woman she had to be Special.I made Her Shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world,yet gentle enough to give comfort.I gave Her an Inner Strength to endure childbirthand the rejection that many times comes from her children.I gave Her a Hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up,and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.I gave Her the sensitivity to Love her children under any and All circumstances,even when her child has Hurt Her Very Badly !I gave Her Strength to carry her husband through his faultsand fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.I gave her Wisdom to know that a good husband Never Hurts his wife,but sometimes tests her strengthsand her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.And finally, I gave her a tear to shed.This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed.""You see my son," said God,"the Beauty of a Woman is not in the clothes she wears,the figure that she carries,or the way she combs her hair.The Beauty of a woman must be seen in Her Eyes,because that is the doorway to Her Heart-the place where Love resides." Well another week is over, more tears, more heartache, more confusion. Been a long week. One moment I feel confident and better, figuring I knew the road before me but then the world disappears from under me and I am walking a bridge in the dark and not sure how but I have to get across. DJ had his friends over last night. Wow teenage boys can be loud and messy. My livingroom disappeared in a sea of games and game consoles. Our computers were taken over and testosterone filled the home. Food was eaten all night long and I swear just about every dish was used. Dishwasher is running now and doing laundry too. Tonight is much quieter, just Sarah and her 1 friend and me. Mary is not here and neither is DJ. Of course Phil is not here. We kinda got into it a little yesterday he went to see his dad and usually he wants me to go but yesterday did not. I would have been ok except his reason pissed me off. I tried just to let it go and shake it off. I didn't want to fight because if I say anything negative he makes me feel really bad. So right now I only try to keep happy and if I have any negative thoughts or emotions I keep them to myself and I go cry by myself. Somehow though I stupidly opened my mouth and so we had a small bickerment. I feel so bad I should have just kept my thoughts to myself. I guess I should understand, I don't though and I feel like that makes me really stupid!Watching Iron Chef right now I love this show todays theme is blue crab. My back is hurting so bad and nothing seems to work. I really should go in and get something because nothing over the counter is even coming close to taking the pain away. As for my anemia well I am months behind in my shots and I am tired and sore but I feel like I need to get over it. I've been on Sarah to take her iron. Thankfully it works for her to take liquid. I however have tried both types of iron pills and liquid and it did nothing. Well my doctor even said the shots are not keeping my iron up either. Some reason my iron just doesn't want to absorb. I have a big brown spot from where I was getting shots and it is pretty tender. But the way I felt was better than the small sensitivity I had. Oh that crab looks so good. I didn't wat crab until I moved to Victoria. I am on a tuna kick lately can't seem to eat enough canned tuna and also drinking MIlk like no one would believe. DJ said I drink alot of milk lol. At least it is skim milk. My surgeon said I can drink all the skim milk I want. Can't stop thinking about my tat's lately. I am thinking of getting one on my arm a little one, just not sure. I have a plan for a few tat's one representing my kids, one broken heart with a drop of blood and a Ribbon with my neices name birth and date of death. That will be my next one. The guy is ready he has the design and everything. He also did my claw tat. Phil and I were talking last night. He wants me to make my steak for his parents. I have never made dinner for anyone's family but my own before. I mean anyone who has had my steak loves it but making dinner for someone's family is scary to me. I am very nervous about it. I agreed I would do it though. Part of what we have had disagreements about is how he always got on my case to come out with him and his friends and I always felt I didn't need to. But everytime I have said let's go do something with whoever he has an excuse why we can't. So I asked him if it was all just talk. That he knew I wouldn't do it so he would have an easy time getting mad about it. He also has it in his head if he goes out without me I get mad. Yet I have constantly encouraged him to go visit his family only to have him always have a reason why he can't or won't. His family actually likes to spend time together so yeah I am always encouraging him to go there. I have always encouraged him to go out with his friends. Now he says he has no friends. Give me a break he has more friends than anyone can shake a fist at. OMG today we ran into a friend of his who the first time I met thought holy crap is he hot. But since getting to see him more so not hot and so not my type I must have been out of my head when I first thought he was hot. We saw him and his girlfriend today and I was like holy ugly batman. I mean he is not hot but he so seemed to be the type to be with someone different from her. I don't normally make comments like that I mean I only saw her for a sec so it could just be the rush of it. I mean everyone has beauty within them I just was surprised I guess. Phil went on another bout of how ugly he is last night. How his hair is crap and thining, his hair on his back and body is disgusting, he is not built the way he should be in every capacity and he thinks he has this huge gut and I just don't see it. He's growing his hair a little longer right now omg I love running my fingers through it now. So sexy. I do have to say we have been closer physically than we have been in a very very very long time. I think that's part of what is confusing me. Also hurts me when we are close that way and he puts himself down that way too and nothing I say or do makes him feel any differently. He tries to tell me how things are for me and how I feel despite my trying to tell him differently. Ooooooh I want to try those febreze noticables. I do have to say I have so many of the house room things the one we have all noticed and been most impressed with is wisp air , it's true the last puff is the same as the first. What I don't get is I went to get a refill the other day and to buy the whole thing was chepaer. Like what is that about? I plan to get one for the bathroom it would be perfect for that.Sarah and I brought out the littledirt devil spot scrubber got some of the spots of the carpet in the livingroom cause I saw in my pics one spot was bugging me. it's all gone now.
I bought a new 4 slice toaster today too for under 15 dollars. Gave DJ his bday present today too. He gave me a kiss and hug in front of his friend he was excited I finally remembered his oxy pads lol. Teens and their priorities lol. Mary has a boyfriend now and has been out alot more. She's been doing so much one day she couldn't get out of bed because her back hurt so bad. She was in tears. So I kept her home from school and gave her some motrin. She's doing better now. I hate seeing my kids when they are hurting. You just want to take away their pain. I have to go pick up a coffee pot too. I guess I must have gotten rid of mine cause no one drank coffee. But it's drank here now so I need to pick one up. Did ya vote for the next coffee mate? I voted for the vanilla chocolate one I believe it was. DJ went to the store with his friends last night bought me cloddhoppers I love those things but can only eat them in very small quantities. They are so damn good. The poppers I bought those not impressed their just smaller pieces of cloddhoppers grrrrrr. I only like the poppers and originals. Oh I am gonna try that new easy off Bam for the bathroom. I bought that bathroom stuff with teflon I am NOT impressed it SUCKS big time!!!I do like the bounce with febreze. I love stronger smelling laundry sheets. The ones with febreze are nice. Most of the sprays and room deoderizers I buy are floral I especially love potpouri. Today I picked Phil up 3 more Transformers today. I swear I have bought him so many of the cybertron series. He so loves to play with his transformers he has about 300 now I think. Holy cow the challenger won on Iron chef crap eh? Have only seen that happen twice now. Now American Justice is on The Bridge Murders. 48 Hrs Mystery was interesting tonight too.Anyhow my back is killing me so I am off for now, I leave you with these some of my favorite quotes:"Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves." ConfuciusChinese philosopher & reformer (551 BC - 479 BC) "It is a fearful thing to love what death can touch.""Always remember the last thing you say to people each day. Because what if it happened to be the last thing you ever get to say to them?""I fell over the bleeding you there's nothing I can do"