Just Thinking

Ya know wouldn't it be nice to not pay rent for years and then live back and forth at 2 places and still not pay rent at either, help with bills at one pay nothing at another. Being only responsible for your gas, own bills. I wish we could all be so damn lucky. But whatever I guess some people get all the luck.
Watching CSI the domme is on again.
I was in an office today and I heard a few teens talk about how they are having to live on the streets I felt so bad for them. As I saw someone give one of them some noodles and a couple puddings I just wished I could do soemthing. I know some kids put themselves out there for it but some don't.
My dad put me out when I was 17 and pregnant completely banned me from family. I remember living in a run down house no electricity, brown water, cold and heated up with candles. Living on pretty much nothing. A family took me in at 5 months pregnant and helped me get started. I honestly don't know where I would have ended up if they hadn't taken me. They didn't know me from Jack. I will never forget their warmth and kindness. They never asked for anything. I wish so much I could do that for someone else. I feel like I owe society a debt ya know?
My heart is still breaking I still feel like nothing I do or say is good enough. I feel very alone.
I did see a counsellor a few days ago I guess that helped a little bit. It sucks my meds are making me sick. My wellbutrin and epival are making me so nauseated I refuse to take them. They keep trying different doses but they don't make a damn bit of difference. Only thing not causing a reaction is the celexa and zopiclone. Sucks too I have to pay for the zopiclone so until I have the money for it I can't get it and it helps me actually sleep.
I am starting to be able to eat a little more and get more sleep than I was getting but still not enough of either.
Phil thinks Steve Martin doing the pink panther movie is ridiculous. I think doing the movie over is stupid period. All of us want to see the movie when a stranger calls and Underworld Revolution. Phil had told us he would take us but with everything that happened lately he never did. I told Dj maybe I can come up with enough to go at the end of the month.
I love the new Bell commercial with the beavers. Too funny. Gotta love being canadian eh? I mean the fricken beaver. Oh yeah an animal to be damn proud of. You piss us off we chew you up with our big buck teeth. Alrighty then.
Cody Posey was found guilty of manslaughter killing his dad second degree murder of his step mom and 1st degree murder of his step sister. I listened to most of the trial and I can't help but feel like this kid needs more of a mental institution to get the help he needs from years of abuse rather than jail time. He was 14 and he had been abused for years and it appears his dad may have been abused. His dad really had so many people testify against him. He was 14 and yeah what he did was so wrong and he does need consequences his step sister did nothing wrong. But I honestly in my heart think jail is not the answer. Just breaks my heart. Apparently he laid on the floor where he had waited for the jury and cried. They are appealing the case but I don't see it changing much. My heart feels for him. The jury doesn't know his grandmother on his dad's side killed his grandfather and then herself. This is generational and I believe his Uncle did some lying on the stand. I truly do. Which is not uncommon for victims of abuse. I believe the state should also be held liable for what happened to Cody they should have done more to check into the reported abuse and those around him should have said more. This is a prime example of what happens when people keep quiet.
As for this elected official changing to conservative when he was voted in as a liberal on the mainland my God people get over it. It has happened before and I am sure it will happen again.
Apparently Doug has been working to all hours of the night stripping strip malls floors and stores. Apparently a group of them have been doing the work. They do it every 6 to 9 months. Oh the joy and fun in that eh? I heard from him on the phone a couple times for a few minutes and emailed me a few times but that's about the size of it.
I cleaned Sarah's room the other day took me 3 hours. I thought I was never going to get through it. I got rid of almost everything in there. Anyone know how to get oil paint of wood and walls? I am so frustrated I can't get it off. I still have to finish the basement. I did get all the laundry done and put away. Funny how socks like hell just showed up. I have 4 drawers of matched up socks. Not sure where the heck they all came from. Dj cleaned his room but still needs to wash his floor as do I need to wash my bedroom floor. The kitchen and hallway floor are washed. Working pretty hard to keep things clean as possible. Phil actually even did some dishes tonight. He used to do them all the time when he was here more.
Dj and Mary are going to do respite on the weekends until Mary goes to her dad's. Gives everybody a break. They tried to tell me today there is no budget for respite. Uhm hello yeah there is Dj gets it so I know there is.
I told them I need the break on the weekends otherwise I am not gonna be able to cope. I swear to God.
You can probably tell by my pics my hair is finally growing back I have it to just past half my back. I am growing it back down to my waist. I have always loved long hair on men and on women. Especially me. Something about long hair makes me feel a little safer too. I can hide behind it. I am wearing it down alot more.
I cried I lost my digital camera the other day. I have never lost a camera in my life and I take it with me everywhere and I can't find it. I cannot express how upset that has made me:(
Mary made cake again everyone loves her baking it goes as fast as she makes it.
DJ wants a icecream cake from dairy queen for his birthday and that new pizza from pizza hut with the cheese pops around the crust my God that stuff looks just so damn nasty. Blech. The girls and I don't much like icecream cake it's very rich.
Still looking for a new dog a small one. I miss Princess so much. It's amazing how different a dog can make you feel. My psychiatrist was happy I had one and I miss her. I really need a small dog though.
Anyhow my kids just informed me we need more laundry soap nice I have had it all of a week. Grrrrrr I am off for now....