I'm so lost...

I seriously have to ask and I hope people answer, if someone you loved and they said they loved you was doing searches online for nude people of the opposite gender in your city of residence would you feel like you could trust them? Would you feel confident that they think your enough and that they really do love you? Or would you feel insecure and question what you really mean to them, because I really don't know what one should feel in that circumstance. If someone you loved told you once they were talking to someone they always knew but then you found out they were planning to meet this person and it was someone they never knew at all but you found out before it happened so it never happened would you be able to trust them and believe it was a one time thing? If you did if they did a search and you found out about it would that trust remain. Then too another question if someone you loved cheated but told you they cheated because they felt bad about it and had they not told you you would never have known would you trust them if they told you they wouldn't and won't do it again? isn't it different if the person was sneaky and lied then if they broke down and confessed their sins because it was just too painful to lie to the one they love? These are serious questions I need answers to because I am not sure I can see the answers for what they should be ya know? If someone told you they didn't do something then you catch them doing it but it's nothing huge is there really a reason to be upset even though what they are doing could lead to something huge? Am I making sense to anyone but myself?
I feel so screwed up and lost right now ya know? I am scared and I am insecure and I am not really sure what I should and shouldn't do. Part of me wants something to catch me if I fall ya know? I've never done well thinking thee is nothing to fall back on and right now I kinda am hanging out there without a net. I admit it I am scared and I have nothing to base any kind of ground on.
Ya know it's sad I have not slept for over 24 hrs I am shaking cause my back hurts so bad and I am so cold and can't get warm. I'm hungry but eating makes me feel sick. I just ache so much inside. When does one let go and have faith? Cause right now I don't think anyone has faith in me:(
Is it just me or do people seem more desperate now a days or maybe it's just the people in my age group and above. Just seems like you say hi to someone or are positive to someone and they think your gonna fall into their arms or something and I don't get it. Life and love does not work that way.
DJ is home now and Sarah has been in and out all day. Already lost her swim pass I am choked! DJ left to pick up his present from my parents place.
Watching the 750lbs man. I have to say it makes me cry watching something like that. I have been on both ends of the spectrum and I know people will find something to pick on on anyone of any size ya know? He is brave to have his life portryed on TV like he is. I think some people really could watch that and still come off being arrogant and laughing like they are so much better. Well I hope those people never have anything happen to them or those they love that will have similiar consequences. Anything can cause people to be cruel ANYTHING!
Anyhow am hurting in every way so gonna go but I thought I would add this sweet email I got today:
Someday when my children are old enough tounderstand the logic that motivates a parent, I willtell them, as my Mean Mom told me: I loved youenough . . to ask where you were going, with whom,and what time you would be home.I loved you enough to be silent and let youdiscover that your new best friend was a creep.I loved you enough to make you go pay for thebubble gum you had taken and tell the clerk, "Istole this yesterday and want to pay for it."I loved you enough to stand over you for two hourswhile you cleaned your room, a job that should havetaken 15 minutes.I loved you enough to let you see anger,disappointment, and tears in my eyes. Children mustlearn that their parents aren't perfect.I loved you enough to let you assume theresponsibility for your actions even when thepenalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart.But most of all, I loved you enough . . . to sayNO when I knew you would hate me for it.Those were the most difficult battles of all. I'mglad I won them, because in the end you won, too.And someday when your children are old enough tounderstand the logic that motivates parents, youwill tell them.Was your Mom mean? I know mine was. We had themeanest mother in the whole world! While other kidsate candy for breakfast, we had to have cereal,eggs, and toast. When others had a Pepsi and aTwinkie for lunch, we had to eat sandwiches. And youcan guess our mother fixed us a dinner that wasdifferent from what other kids had,too.Mother insisted on knowing where we were at alltimes. You'd think we were convicts in a prison. Shehad to know who our friends were, and what we weredoing with them. She insisted that if we said wewould be gone for an hour, we would be gone for anhour or less.We were ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerveto break the Child Labor Laws by making us work. Wehad to wash the dishes, make the beds, learn tocook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, empty the trashand all sorts of cruel jobs. I think she would lieawake at night thinking of more things for us to do.She always insisted on us telling the truth, thewhole truth, and nothing but the truth. By the timewe were teenagers, she could read our minds and hadeyes in the back of her head. Then, life was really tough!Mother wouldn't let our friends just honk the hornwhen they drove up. They had to come up to the doorso she could meet them. While everyone else coulddate when they were 12 or 13, we had to wait until we were 16.Because of our mother we missed out on lots ofthings other kids experienced. None of us have everbeen caught shoplifting, vandalizing other'sproperty or ever arrested for any crime. It was allher fault.Now that we have left home, we are all educated,honest adults. We are doing our best to be meanparents just like Mom was.I think that is what's wrong with the world today.It just doesn't have enough mean moms!