Conversational Pieces

So last night while we were on our way home from Colwood the subject of tattoos came up. It is for sure I am getting this tat for my birthday. I was told by my mother I really am being stupid because I never knew my neice. That hurt alot. When my sister in law Tara died I wanted nothing more than to get a ticket to Georgia and fly to be by my brothers side. I was worried about my neice she was born so early and so small I just wanted to go. However my mother chose to go ahead of me and asked me to come out later. You have no idea how many times I have cried and cried and cried over the fact that I didn't do what my gut told me to do. I remember hearing her coo on the phone and how excited I was to go see her, even considered leaving my kids at home and still going earlier than January. Everything in me told me to go early. When I got that call that she had died I wanted to die. I could not get out of canada soon enough. I wanted to be with my brother, I wanted to be with my mom, I wanted for it to be all a bad dream. I generally don't talk about it and my family has made me feel like I have no right to hurt over it or to think about it. God this is so painful to write about. I feel like maybe if I had gone when I was going to maybe things would be different. I did all I could from home. I called and wrote so many people to help my brother. But it never felt like enough. I just kept wanting to wake up. I hated everyone and I hated God. I felt so angry at myself and at the world. I want to know how God chooses which child lives and which child doesn't. My son almost died but he came back why didn't my neice? I never got to see her alive, only her coos on the other end of a phone. However the day she was buried I went to the parlour to see her with my mother. If you want reality it hits you when you hold a child who's crossed over into heaven. I wanted her to wake up as I held her. I put on her little crucifix and the little satin slippers I had bought her for her baptism that never happened. You never forget the pain that comes with holding a lifeless child. I didn't know her but I felt her spirit and still do. As we placed her back in the casket and covered her sweet little body I placed a note my brother wrote next to her and told her daddy loved her and so did I. One day I'd see her again. Sometimes when I am feeling as low as I can feel I feel her there next to me, along with my best friends mom who I call MOM, I refer to her as my surrogate mom. So anyhow that is why this tattoo I think will bring me some peace and make me feel closer to my neice. I though do agree I don't have the right to hurt like my brother and mother who were there from beginning to end, and I am sorry I cry at all. I should be stronger. I hate myself for being so weak!!!!
I had thought of getting a tattoo in memory of my surrogate parents (my best friends mom & dad) but their not my parents and I don't want to go over a line that is too far. Mom though was everything to me. There for everything in my life. I thought I was gonna die when she died. I alot of times I could stop hurting over her because she's not my mom and it's not natural. I have a mom and dad and they are both plenty alive. It's so wrong and unnatural what I feel. I lost it at her memorial. I remember Sherri saying I hope your this upset when your real mother dies. My surrogate mom was tuff and was strong and she told it like it was. She never put me down and never made me feel bad about myself. She was unlike anyone I have ever known and will ever know again. I felt safe with her and loved with her. I never felt like I couldn't tell her anything, it's not like that with my normal mom and never will be. I don't know why I have such an unnatural attachment to her but I do know it probably isn't right or healthy, and even more wrong to be this way when she is deceased:(
I've always thought about doing tat's for my kids DJ had planned a tat I actually loved the idea and want to do to represent him a grim reaper holding a baby representing living through the brinks of death, soccer for Sarah but not sure about my other child yet. I saw today in the older days emporers and kings had crests and crosses tattoo's on them. I think that would be awesome, It would be cool to make a crest of my own with my kids representations wouldn't it? Then later to have my family name tattoo crest as I am scottish and we do have one?
I am looking at getting megatron with a broken heart with a drop of blood. I have always had a fascination with tat's. I just think they are so hot. Just like I love long well groomed hair and big blue or brown eyes. My issue with tat's right now is I have lost so much weight I have alot of loose skin and I really need a tummy tuck and liposuction and I don't want to get tat's where I might get those things done. My skin is so excessive I have alot of painful rashes. The burn pics where it looks like butt pics, some kids thought they were uhm yeah NOT BUTT PICS that is loose skin on my side. Yeah hi nice huh? Ever so sexy? NOT!!!! They used to do pannelectomy's no problem apparently now you have to fight to get them done. If you do win you apparently get around 230 dollars canadian. Who the hell is going to do surgery for that much money? Meanwhile the pain of the loose skin also causes alot of pain in my back because it pulls. I lost my breasts but now they sag and need to be pulled up because again pretty sure the sagging affects the pain in my back. I AM SICK OF BEING IN PAIN!!!!!
I have always wanted something to represent my scorpio sign as well. I am obssessed with being a scorpio, the best sign of the zodiac.
It is cool how when tats come up people will jump into conversation and talk about their take on tats and if they have any discuss the ones they have. I think that is so awesome. Apparently in New York Paul Booth does tats in a window so people can see him doing them as they pass by, holy shit that would rock wouldn't it? Definetly tat's by far are a huge conversation piece. It's nice to see more women are getting them. I just say be sure it's what you want and if it is go for it and screw what anyone says to try and stop you from doing it.
It was kind of a flashback being in the mall parking lot in Colwood last night too. Cars were driving like idiots full of young adults and teens. A fight was out for a couple minutes. Flashbacks to days I was in. Some guy was yelling at another guy about getting his money. Eventually got back in his car and sped out, but stopped long enough to say and Chris you know where I'm from or something to that degree. Wow I remember shit like that going on with friends I hung out with. I used it as an example to talk to my daughter about how you can get caught up in trouble. You just never know when stuff is gonna happen when your with people like that.
Anyhow here is some stuff I have to throw in and then I am off for now:
Celebrity Duets I was so jealous of Lucy Lawless for being able to sing with Bonnie Tyler one of my favorite all time songs and video for that matter Total Eclipse of the Heart, I just cried like a baby. I also loved the entire outfit damn I'd kill for that outfit! However I still vote for Hal Sparks holy frick yes baby I'll spend a day with him and buy any album he puts out:)
I recently watched Edmund Perry Story Murder Without Motive it was an OK movie. Scary Movie 4 was funny but was just ok was a little over the top. However I watched AN AMERICAN HAUNTING- Awesome movie, very well done and about half the way through I put it together and figured out what was going on but still it held me to it. I am hard to please but I would buy this movie and watch it again. Donald Sutherland did a really awesome job. Kudos goes out to him. I loved this, you have to see it it is based on true facts. I love true stories but alot have sucked lately, not this one this was well played out!
Oh wow I am so happy to hear that the old lady "Jacquiline" who was raped and had no home got alot of help from AMW and people who watch AMW. It's horrible that some guy would do that to a little old lady living on the streets. He is just the sickest of the sick!
If anyone is interested in whitening products on the market I have tried a few. From Oral-B Rembrandt Whitening Strips I got the box of 14 strips whitens in 5 days. You put the strips on for 30mins a day. Well these are a pain in the ass to use. They are hard to place on properly, your constantly watching the time and they do not always stay stuck on your teeth. For the price you pay I really think they should do a better and easier job!
Natural White 5 Minute Whitening Gel with patented Duplex Mouth Tray, not too bad to use I don't think it whitens all that well and doesn't taste too bad. You get a bottle of mouth rinse as well that supposed to encourage a fresh mouth and whitening to take. Tray I found a little uncomfortable but ok.
Natural White Pro-Dual Action Whitening Gel 14 day treatment. Once again using a mouth tray. I had hard time getting it in tray because of thickness, did have some good white results but not as white as I had thought you would get and 14 days seems like alot when you see how much of the gel you end up needing in the tray. 5mins for 14 days
Plus+White-5 minute Teeth Whitener Gel, Oxygenating Action Like Dentists Use to Whiten Teeth. Nice cheap price applied with cotton Swab to the surface of your teeth. 3-5 minutes for 2 weeks and then use once or twice weekly. As they say you get what you pay for. Will whiten your teeth but not much better than any of the whitening toothpastes out there.
Crest Vivid White Night toothpaste, I like it. I like the moonlight mint and I don't know that it helps loosen the plaque for the next morning all that much but people do seem to notice a difference with this toothpaste it is my new choice in nighttime toothpaste and my new daytime toothpaste is: Crest Vivid White, I use invigorating mint, again not sure it does what it says it does but I do like the stuff so for now it's the new choice of household toothpaste:)
Crest Whitening Expressions I have tried a few and YUCK! Tastes like your putting candy in your mouth to brush your teeth. Definetly saw no whitening happening, not a toothpaste for my home.
Aquafresh Extreme Clean Powerwhite, with micro-active foaming action, popular with some people who have tried around here but I do not like it at all. Don't like the test did not see any difference in whitening, do not like feeling like I am brushing with soap not toothpaste.
Arm & Hammer All-In-One with 3 hour fresh Breath- I felt like my teeth were definetly clean, says it whitens but didn't see that happen. The 3 hour fresh breath uhm have not seen that be true for anyone who has used it.
Oh I liked the show Jericho somewhat, I am hooked for the moment on Hereo's which I had every intention of NOT WATCHING. But someone explain to me what is with the chick in the mirror that's the one power I do not understand I'm in the dark on that one????? I have not got to watch my ghost whisper new episodes yet. I like Close to Home but I hate that she is now a single mom, why did they do that? I do not like the new cop on SUV but I didn'nt like the two new cops last year either and I probably never will! I love my Without A Trace. I am not sure how I feel about Kidnapped. Cold Case Files is doing good. Intervention is always good. AMW will always have me as a viewer. I am really inot the storylines on CSI and CSI Miami already, they are off to an awesome start. Is Medium coming back? 48Hr Mystery I still am watching and of course Dateline is always a good watch and Primetime Live. Sometimes 20/20 but not always. I did watch the 20/20 this week with Barbara Walters. I LOVE JUSTICE I am addicted to that show hugely already and Shark is turning big for me. I love how tuff he is in court but how slow he is with his daughter. I love how they do that, he needs to have that in the storyline you can bond with his character better.
Anyhow my back is killing me so am off for now...

My Ramblings...

Now that I did an update I can update all the things I had written down. Another of my mixed up thoughts all written on different things but wanted to blog about. Oh Phil finally got the Primus transformer he wanted and he has thus far I think 4 of the smallest titanium transformers and megatron and Ultimus Prime the next size up in titanium. He also ordered a few more transformers online. He bought me the mini robotronic robot I wanted I told him not to bother but he bought it. I want the jr and big huge one too. I have wanted the huge one forever. *dreams off in dreamworld for a second* [So remember how I asked if ya had a friend who wouldn't talk to anyone around her about what was really going on in her life because it was bad? I mean things like having to lock herself in a room to escape being yelled at and having to be asked if she wants him dead or to kill him. Even going so far as to leave her own home because she couldn't escape him at home and he still chased after her? I mean this is all hypothetical. I have been reading some interesting forums. But some people think well she's not getting beat up right? So deal with it? I think maybe that would be one reason she wouldn't say anything. It's a little unearthing.]Really proud of Sarah she scored the tie goal for her team for their first game. I am so proud of how good she is. I just wish my family could find an hour out of 1 fricken day to come out and cheer her on. None of them even came for her birthday or sent her even a card. I tried to call my brother to invite him for her he hung up on me. My sister could careless if my children and I drop dead. Oh wait yeah she cares about Mary. My mom will go babysit puppies in colwood but won't go to a game because a handful of parents are there. My dad said he'll go to a couple of her games. As for her bday Most of Phil's family said happy bday to her and she got some cards and a few gift. She more wanted just to see her family. But unfortuately I am the ugly, stupid, no good, bipolar, bitch, slut, hoare, bad mother to my family, so my kids have to suffer because they hate me:'(Ok I am getting myself worked up so am gonna just do my blog papers now, here goes in no particular order:I am thinking about seeing if I can get involved with the Victorian Society as I love that era so very very much. Plus I am getting ot alot more now and am slowly feeling stronger and less anxious around people. I may still need to get ativan for my panic attacks around bigger groups of people.Sarah and I colored our hair together. I was always against it but I decided it's just hair she is the one who has to wear it, so if she wants it colored I guess that's fine with me.On wifeswap I really really loved the Zemanek Family. Jill & John seem like really cool people and I love the name they gave their son Deuce. I love it! Their daughter Raven is sweet too. They live in Arizona. When they showed their house I was like omg I fricken love it. I love how they turned a coffin into a couch I so love that. God I would so love to get a room done up the way they had theirs set up. I think it rocks!http://www.Vampirefreaks.com http://www.islandart.com http://www.manlaw.com http://www.10work.com http://www.thetvboss.org http://www.askdrk.com http://www.whitelight.com http://www.igia.com http://www.overstock.com/tvoffer http://www.cba.org http://www.ichannel.ca http://www.womensware.com http://www.onmemory.ca http://thecastle.ca http://www.tarabaker.com http://www.bettermeals.com http://www.myhealthyspace.ca http://www.luxtonfair.ca http://www.autotrader.ca http://www.stickupbulb.com http://www.sesamenet.org http://www.artincognito.com http://www.vivauctions.com http://www.exitnow.ca http://www.darkness2light.org http://www.childrenswishes.ca http://www.mygirlyspace.com http://www.wendyhutchens.com http://www.judgeoj.com http://makeyourvoicecount.com http://www.blood.ca http://www.floamcanada.com http://www.sportinabox.ca http://www.tmz.com http://www.whitesonly.net http://www.surreyreuses.com http://www.prisonpals.com http://www.lightthenight.org http://www.hate.com I watch alot of MSNBC I will watch and rewatch and rewatch again the dark heart iron hand episodes. I love some of the things in the different jails they do. Like one jail does Macbeth with some of their inmates. It actually has been well recieved and is interesting to listen to a session. Certain crimes and prisoners have touched me more than others.Kevin McLaughlin In Wabash Valley Correctional Facility. He is a self-injurer. Listening to him talk about it I totally understood it. I don't think you can understand it unless you've been a self injurer yourself, you can try to understand it, but if you haven't done it screw you and all your I understanding crap!The Movie: The Riverman was interesting to watch. I liked not just learning about the greenriver killer but Ted Bundy. Who couldn't even call his vitims women no he called them "entities" It's kinda cool that he helped them find the riverman. I saw the wedding band on in the movie and looked it up. I hadn't realized Ted had gotten married and had a little girl. I think the police failed alot of women. Gary Ridgeway(riverman) could have been caught long before he was. They just did not follow up like they should of and did not keep ontop of him when they talked to him. I truly feel some women died because police were behind the ball. What's sad about Ted well God he could have had such a great life, he was so damn smart and alluring. I really feel for him in my heart. Dying was probably one of his best days. I think him dying was such a waste of a life that could have been so different and so much better. It's disheartening!Kentucky Prison known as Kentucky Castle seems to be run pretty well. They have wild kitties outside in the yards the guys love them. The cats are like family to them. 2 prisoners I believe are there that I thought were cool were: Fleece Johnson & Victor Hiatt.. I have written here Moral Recognition Therapy I believe that is a program run there.Teshawn Solomon sang a really nice song in L.A. COunty Jail. Documentary. Lockup in LA County MSNBC in jail for 12 yrs I believe they said but was awaiting a transfer.John Karr now that guy reminded me of BTK not so much for having same crimes as they were totally different. I mean in how BTK came out after he had disappeared because some guy was getting attention for a book he was writting on him and he got pissed and so came back out to put the attention back on himself. So now we come to John Karr who claims to have killed Jon Bennett Ramsey. I was like he so didn't do it. But people are stupid and they believed him so what did he get MEGA FRICKEN MEDIA ATTENTION AROUND THE WORLD!!! Exactly what he wanted. However when DNA came back what did we find out. The ass is a big huge ass wannabe. He is a sick perverse pig and we know he is getting charges but not for what he told the world. Good riddens John Karr. Soon you'll be forgotten about and that's all you deserve!!! I do have to say this Baby Tristen Buckett I do hope that little boy is alive. But I do despise what the media has done to his mother. I totally blame the media for the crap they have said about her. You cannot base guilt NANCY GRACE on the fact that she had in the newspaper an ad for selling that car seat. There could be any number of reasons why she was selling one. Ever heard of a bus? I never put my kids in a seat on the bus? Maybe she was never using that seat in the first place maybe someone was driving and they had a seat they used. Maybe she was so hysterical about loosing her son that she just couldn't think in a rational mind. This girl was pounced on by the media you give her less than 30 secs asking up to 5 questions all at once. I just think things should have been handled alot better than they were. Also using what she wrote in her blogs what a fricken load of crap that is. Alot of people write to just vent or be another person who they can't be in real life. You can't base shit on things people write. I mean God there are people out there who have blogs in character of cartoons for God sakes. I feel sad for both the little boy and a mother who felt she had no where to turn but to kill herself. The media can be great and I am a fan of Nancy's but I think she was too hard on Ms Buckett!As for the teacher Debra Lafave sleeping with a 14 year old student and then saying she was bipolar and manic at the time. I am bipolar. I would never sleep with a 14yr old and I certaily would never blame it on bipolar. It is true being bipolar for some will make you hypersexual I know it took many years and many many many med changes to realize that was not normal that was my bipolar. I am much more relaxed and laid back now. I wish I had those meds as a teen:'( Anyhow She says he wanted it and she gave it to him. Says he pushed her up against the board in the classroom and pulled up her top and she told him to stop it one day with his friend there. I believe that is the day he told on her, but not 100% sure. Her ex-husband and her looked so good together and she is so beautiful what the hell was she fricken thinking. Then she just gets house arrest? If a male teacher had done the same he'd been in jail. Beauty should not equal freedom. She did a bad thing and should serve the time!Not sure why I have it written but I have KIMVEERI also wanted to say my heart goes out to the families at Dawson College in Quebec Canada. *hugs*Give to the Carol sund/Carrington FoundationWant to read the book: Violence in Our Lives Dr. Elizabeth Caril PH.D.Bilbo the Lifeguard saved a life recently, gotta love man's best friend:)Oh this guy that does taxidermy, he'll freeze dry your pets for ya. OMG they look so real. I love his work. You should check him out! Mac's Taxidermy he was on Primetime I believe he quoted $1000 for the first 10lbs and then $150 for the next amount of pounds not sure which amount that is.World Church of the CreatorThe Turner DiariesExtremists Documentary ChannelPolice use C.A.R.F.Wow can you fricken believe PLAYDOH is 50yrs old? Man I would so love to spend a week with Dr.Jane G Medical Examiner(show on Discovery Health), she is really sweet and thorough. I am interested in autopsy but would like to spend a week in actual autopsies seeing what it would be like to be there and to assist.I am so saddened for Anna Nicole Smith loosing her son while welcoming into the world a new child. Her emotions must be all over the place. She must be hurting. I wish her the very best. And her new little one.OK OK OK OK NBC I AM SO SUCKED IN AT LEAST FOR THE MOMENT TO THE NEW SHOW HEREOS!!!!! But can someone explain to the stupid part of me how that girl seeing another of herself in reflections works? I take it she's protecting her? I am confused on the reflection I don't get it.Question anyone give me a clue on where I might be recognizing the lady head detective from on THE CLOSER? I know I know her from something.Another show I love now is HAUNTING EVIDENCE, John Oliver & Karla Baron are 2 different types of psychics but they are so right on the money I mean BANG ON! Seriously you have to see these two in action they are phenomenal.CELEBRITY DUETS is ok I watch it because there is nothing else on it's time slot. But I do LOVE LOVE LOVE did I say LOVE HAL SPARKS!!!!!OMG when he came out singing from Twisted sister and playing that guitar, singing-We're Not Gonna Take It. I was screaming right along with them. WHEW THEY ROCKED THAT STAGE! David Foster said he would take him to his studio and make him a singer. DAVID FOSTER YOU BETTER!!!! I want an album to buy whew hoo:)http://myhealthyspace.ca is something I read up on in our local paper. It's an experiment to create a blog to communicate with our youth. There is also a coloring contest for elementary students.I watched a biography about Dr. Heinz Lehmann a psychiatrist of north america/clinician a really great man. Helped to bring in medications into North America for people with mental disorders. He was inducted into the canadian medical hall of fame. He taught at the Douglas Hospital. He did alot of tests for different things I caught that he did one called a dandilion test. Our goverment gave money for him to have round the clock nurses for a handful of the worse case senerios patients. They didn't talk, dress, spread feces on the walls ect. What he wanted to see is if they had round the clock personal care, would they change. First they played with mud to emulate feces, then to finger painting, then drawing, eventually they started to dress and dance and sing and talk and they were doing really well. But after 6 mos the money ran out and they didn't give anymore funding and they went back to the way they were. Shame on the goverment. I was really saddened that so much came out of that and then to take it away how cruel was that? Another thing he pointed out. Our asylums are all closing down families have to care for the mentally ill now. Because there is meds, but meds does not fix it all, some can't remember to take it, or need help to take it ect. I know they said one asylum used to have 2500 now there is less than 200 eventually there will be none. In the old days you could put your spouse in one and divorce them on those grounds. But when they got better they had no where to go. That is incredibly saddening to me. What happened to the wedding vows till death us do part and through sickness and in health? *a little teary* Anyhow he died inApril 7, 1999. The National Mental Health Institute is in Washington USA. I do like a theory they are looking at they have taken identical twins and like the ones we saw one had schizophrenia and one did not. A gland in the brain was small it was normal the other way bigger he was the one with schizophrenia. They are theorizing that it might not be gentic after all but that at some point we become vulnerable to a certain virus and that is what causes the mental illness. That one day we may have a vaccination to prevent mental illness. If you have it already you'd be too late. But wouldn't that be great for people down the line? I've always wondered why I can't just get a couple shots a month I hate fricken taking meds I hate it!Oh I bought this medical buffer I thought it was great. Sold by a small stand in the mall called Temptation from the dead sea. Actually I sulked at Phil to get it for me. Phil wasn't impressed but I was a sucker. So you get this medical buffer with 4 sides. The normal black emery, then a white side, a grey side and a pink side. You buff your nails and the last color when your done your nails are naturally shiny, that is what got me suckered. I loved how shiny it made my nails look without polish. Then you get cuticle softner for the last thing and moisturizing Body lotion. Well all Summer I was like holy crap my nails are so long I love it they finally are nice and long. A few days after I used the medical buffer my nails BROKE every single one of them and keep breaking:'( You can check out their products: http://www.temptationbeauty.com I do like the smell of the lotionwe got Thursdays Embrace.If you have not yet tried any of the Clairol Herbal Essences Shampoo's you so got to. No one is allowed to use mine. The one I LOVE isHELLO HYDRATION in the blue bottle with a fusion of orchid & coconut milk

Is It Fall Already?

So Summer was getting over my stupid burn. Getting shirts made Summer of Spillage 2006. Threw a suprise Party for Phil and mixed it with a party for his mother which off pretty great. His family helped out with getting him a great bike for his bday. As there is now no car. Went to Keg for dinner where I forced myself to eat my escargot as it was so bad that bad is the understatement of the year. I cried it was so bad. I love escargot. Marshal McSheffrey a friend of mine got me started on them and I have loved them ever since. I really wish I could track that man down. Last I had spoke to him he was just getting out of jail in sasketchewan. I used to live with him and my ex boyfriend Warren(shadoe) in Agassiz BC. He was such a great friend I must track him down!
Anyhow my friend Derek McKay who works with he calls a "mind machine" tracked me down he had got together with a lady I believe on monday magazine he says they credit me with their relationship of 2 years. He had given me his number and email addresses and I got burned that same week and lost that info. Now I can't find it anywhere. I could just cry. He was alot like Doug. He was the one other person I trusted to tell anything and everything to, that I knew would come running if I needed anything. We only have a few people in our lives we know we can depend on and he was one of them so when I saw him I was so happy and excited. What I love about Derek is it has always been platonic as well. Just really good friends and nothing more, so I can be myself!
I went to salt spring island for the first time and met some people with AWESOME tat's and have decided that is where I am going to get my tat's. For my bday I already talked to the artist and she is going to make a special loopy writing for ALDEN's name and the ribbon I'm finally getting it done. I know I'll probably cry the whole time. I've wanted this done for a really long time. Alden is my deceased niece who I think of always and recently felt her close to me in a time when was probably not the best of times and that was hard. But I guess those times happen.
I have a special bracelet I wear for her and it never ever comes off!
Sarah had 3 parties that went very well and has now started the soccer season. Mary is happily doing her competitive cheerleading:) Decemenber will be the decicion of trial over or not. I saw Dj on the bus a couple days ago, talking didn't go well it was hard. He reminds me so much of my mother and my brother!!!
Finally got a BBQ earned with points, so it's been awesome having bbq food.
I lost the 2 sizes I had regained and then lost more. I struggle with eating though. I also get bad rashes from the extra skin, so bad I have screamed in pain and had to go to hospital. They gave me a cream and some kind of medication that helps the pain and puts me to sleep.
As for my other meds they were recently slightly uppsed and I now used blister backs and get them weekly so doing ok with those.
I also want to do a petition online and in r/l for MADD to change the canadian law about temporarily giving drunk drivers licenses after a 24hr suspension of drunk driving. This past canada day I allowed a child of mine to go to the beach with a friend of theirs to the beach because their mother was taking them. She was sober and said would be back in a few hours. Hours later my child came home saying the police brough them and their friend back. The mom was arrested and taken to jail. Not only did the officer not contact me it took me a couple weeks to reach the officer who then yes verified the mother had just finished drinking a wine cooler when they found them in a road stop. Was taken to the station 24hr suspension and then 3 month suspension. What I did not know is you get 3 weeks temporary license before that 3 months comes into play. I keep thinking what if my child had been seriously hurt or injured? Apparently in Ontario and quebec it is 7 days temporary. I also have come to learn by word of the kids mouth she has been driving despite the 3 months suspension. But if I don't see that for myself what can I do? It makes me so livid. My Child is no longer allowed to go anywhere or sleep over there anymore.
I am excited as all hell that all my shows are finally all new:)
[Here is a question for you. What would you tell a friend who is closing herself off from those around her because she does not want them to see or want to slep about what she is going through. What if you are the only one who knows she and those she holds closest are being yelled at, have hands laid on, have had walls and doors beaten in. That they are scared of it getting much worse but they refuse to tell anyone what do you tell them?]
Oh I finally saw Doug the other day. Went to starbucks I had water he had some type of coffee. Phil was still in bed, although was doing laundry when I got home and YES HE KNEW! He also came back over that evening for a bit before he went to work that night. YES AGAIN PHIL KNEW. His teeth look really awesome. He looks really awesome. He is trying to meet women right now. I do have to say for God sakes what the hell is with you women out there? Do you have to be so fricken nasty. No he's not the tallest guy out there. But ya know Phil he is only 5'4" and size in height is not something that should be an issue. Glasses should NOT be an issue. Is it just me I thought alot of us women liked our men on the bigger side. Part of what I loved about Doug was when he wrapped his arms around me they were so strong and hard. I mean his chest is hard and his arms HARD as rocks he is hard ladies. Never a problem in the bedroom, if there is one I guarantee it's not him it's YOU!!! He is single right now and he deserves someone who is not a bitch and who loves the old fashion kind of man because he is the type that just isn't out there anymore. He is a hard worker and close to his family. Yeah I do love him I am sure that is obvious. Always have and I always will. That is why I am saying it takes a special kind of bitch to be nasty enough to meet someone and say you short, glasses I don't think so your not my type your ugly. I mean guys have fricken feelings too what the hell? Have some heart I mean seriously women who do shit like that gives all women a bad name!!!
Anyhow we saved Bonnie & Clyde from being put down. They are 2 beautiful cats that were Colin's but he is moving as he is gonna be a daddy. (phil's youngest brother). They are 7yrs old.
So Far I am sad we only got to see Ray for a minute or so on CSI Miami, I loved the opening to CSI, I tried to get into Vanished and it drags on too much I stopped watching, I like the show Justice but they need to speed it up just a little bit. I'm liking Shark.
Anyhow am tired so off for now...

Yes I Am Still Alive

Well I did upload some of my burn pics on my msn space but they are nothing compared to some of the other ones I still have to post. I been in bed alot because it hurt so bad. The doctors are not sure why I burnt so bad, my meds should have been ok. I was in my backyard all of 3 hours and not even the whole 3 hours in the morning. Then Phil gave me soup and I went to open the lid I had nothing covering me because it hurt too bad and spilt the soup all down my already horrendously bad burn. I expected Phil to yell at me for being so stupid but he just yelled at me to get into the tub. Sarah was yelling for an ambulance I was hyperventilating and wouldn't talk to either of them. The world was just spinning and I really felt like I was going to die. I soaked a towel with rreally cold water. Phil sat by me until I started to breathe properly then he went and made the bed. He said he should have opened the soup in the first place. I didn't care all I knew is I felt stupid and I was in soooooo much pain. We did go to the hospital a couple days later and found out I am allergic to solercaine. Didn't find out till yesterdays visit that it is a magor allergin!! Thanks Last doctors could have told us so. Mostly healed now except my left shin is still torn open and hurts like a bitch as a result of using solarcaine on the burn there, and chest has some magor sores and now that scales and yellowness is gone I have an itch that had me screaming in pain and finally we went to dr last week she gave me a low dose hydracortisone cream which did NOTHING! We went to hospital yesterday and I bawled my eyes out and they gave me a much much stronger hydracortizone cream holy shit it is so soft. Plus Phil and I pleaded for something internal and they gave me this stuff that stops the itching but knocks you out, well hell I don't care knock me out get rid of this rash. The rash they still do not know where it is from. I may still have to see a dermatologist, apparently my back is somewhat colorful:(Mary is a little wishy washy about her feelings on being with her dad. DJ still hates me but has spent longer on the phone talking to me on the phone. Sarah had fun we got stuff for her party the other day and got her hair all cut off.Phil's car completely died. So now we have no car, oh the fun we shall now have. It appears my family understands why we would need a car but his family not so much. But life is life and ya gotta do with what you can do with.I know nothing I say or do lately seems to make Phil happy. He yells how ugly he is, how old he is getting. Now that his little brother is now going to be a dad he yells at me because I can't have a kid of his. Like I did it on purpose. I couldn't have another kid long long long before I met Phil. But it kills me and makes me feel inconsequential and worthless because I can't get him a new car and I can't give him lots of kids and I don't make lots of money. I have had him so angry at me and I don't know what I did. I wish to God I could give him the world. I wish I could buy him a brand new truck and every transformer, that I could give him all the kids he could handle. I wish I could give him all the money in the world to spend. I wish I were more healthy and I know I am stupid and unstable and I shouldn't have to take meds like I do. I can't hike and climb like I used to. I try to stay offline because I don't want him thinking I would talk to any guy for any reason. I wouldn't interest any guy anyway I mean who wants junk like me? Phil always has chicks at his feet why can't he see how hot he still is?His bday is coming up I been planning things I want so much to make it huge for him. He deserves the best!!! ANyhow I am fine taking my meds, healing and hope everyone else is well!!!

Thoughts Transferred From Paper

RCMP-Project KAREI am interested in this case of Justin Barber being prosecuted for killing his wife on the beach April Barber. She was shot once in the cheek in never exited so bounced around in her head and she died he was shot 4 times, left shoulder, right chest, right shoulder/neck, and left hand. I myself have no belief in the fact that he would shoot himself that many times and then go get help. No he didn't call 911 and he drove nearly 10 miles before getting out of the car to waive down help. But hello he was shot loosing blood not thinking and in a very desolate area. People this is I think a waste of money to try this poor man. Telus Mobility/pay & talk is NOT USER FRIENDLY! I am sick of trying to reach a human on the phone & not being able to top up an account in a fast & easy manner. Grrr I hate telus.Terrorists caught in Onatario asked the court for a publication ban on publication. 14 of them of them were in the court on the 11th. I say screw a publication ban we have a right to know what was up and how and why. Still shocks me. The investigation and procedings against the motorcycle club Bandidos in canada is still going on. They put very little tidbits about it in the news.Is it just me or do other people think the "sporster" motorcycle is not near as gorgeous as a real Harley Davidson Beauty? I know it's the same name company but to me it comes off as a wanna be cool but can't quite do it so I'll settle for this bike. My teeth are still hurting so damn bad. My left upper back molar hardly has anything left, filling is only thing holding it in. Right back molar hurts, about half of it is left. Every once in awhile it tastes like something is draining from them it leaves a yucky taste in my mouth. Saturday night I wasn't doing so hot and it would appear I had yet another fall only reason I know is because my head, my shoulder and side of face are puffy and sore. Can't even touch them. Waiting to see brusies. We figured I fell hard and knocked myself unconscious as Phil found me passed out on the floor. I just wish I could remember. My balance does seem off as of late. Sucks.2 and a half weeks left and counting till peace hopefully will be abound. The countdown is in effect. I am drinking alot of milk lately but not eating much more than crackers and soup. I drank almost 10 litres in 3 or 4 days. It's skim milk. Nothing else seems to taste good to me. The creamy cold smooth taste just feels so good ya know? I do only drink dairyland, island farms sucks it has an off taste to it.Nice to finally see the Susan Polk case coming to an end eh?Britney speaks out on Dateline tonight and you can always check her out on http://www.brinttneyspears.comI have to say I am a fan to Max Kellerman. He always seems so well spoken and really keeps my attention. Even when I don't always agree with what he says. Not too bad looking either. ADDERAL is a prescription Drug for your brain given out in the USA mostly taken by college and university students from what I understand. WTF? People get a grip already. I agree with Tucker Carlson glad to see he doesn't see the point of them either.Phil surprised me this weekend he brought me home a long stemmed red rose, can't remember the last time I got anythingIs it just me or did Nancy Grace get a haircut? I love it.With my meds I get really bad dry mouth anyone got any ideas for dealing with chronic dry mouth?I so would love to go see Just For Laughs in Montreal canada. I just watched Tracy Smith she is hilarious.Not to bell Mobility Canada I love the beavers commercials but am disturbed by the shaving commercial!I get the idea but it is still disturbing!http://sfaproductions.com"If I had a faith that could move mountains but had not love than I have nothing"I hate the yo yo roller coaster emotions I've been on lately, withmy meds my moods slowed down. But with the emptiness & hurt of loosing DJ & in just over 2 weeks other changes are coming. Phil is way out of control of his emotions I am just so off and on.Ok I started this then been procrastinating but am back and hope to get this caught up and not fall back again,,, so here we goJune18- http://www.mensfacts.com apparently an atheist wanted to file a lawsuit as they believed it was against their constituational rights to have "In God We Trust" On their coins. Of course the judge rejected it. Godd God people give me a break! People will really sue over anything.2 cops patrolling a beach in an SUV ran over an IOWA sunbather killing her. She was there for her sons wedding. The 2 officers in california are on paid leavepending an investigation. One word from me is-HARSH! Insurgent sites on the web claim USA air strike that killed ABU MUSAB AL-ZARQAWI was a stroke of luck.My heart goes out to the mother of the 2 girls who were apparently taken forever by their dad in the murder suicide how horrendeous. London Ontario. Stephanie 12/Ashley 15. Dad-John in head on collision.I think it's wrong about the 21yr old lady who was recently arrested because she refused to deploy with her unit WTF?Not sure what is with me lately but I basically am only drinking skim milk & bottled water. Chicken breasts, premium plus salted top crackers, & chicken soup. I do eat other food but not really into anything else except that I already listed. 579 women were gunned down by their husbands in 2004 HOLYSHIT!http:www.ropos.com1 in 6 canadians are obese harsh eh? 213 live in a smoke free homes. 15% encounter second hand smokeGuantanomo 3 committed suicide. Do USA citizens want to be looked upon as the same kind of people as the taliban? Cause if something doesn't change there will be hell to pay and hell will come abd no will give a shit because it will be like the taliban. It's time a change was made TODAY!!!!Anyone know how to write letter of support to people in court and/or in jail?One thing I love about Canada is we don't have is the death penalty. Phil commented on how many die on death row in the USA which is supposed to curb crime in the USA. How ever that obviously is not working is not working. It was just said yesterday that last year, homicides, assaults, and rapes went up last year. Gee really? Go figure. Guess death row really does work huh?I found it interesting to see that alot of companies now don't do sizing of clothes according to real size now more based on the vanity we have called vanity sizing go figure...http://www.coolaid.orgCapital One sure has become huge on the TV circuit eh? So many shows are using them as giving out capital one cards. That has to say alot about the bank companyDon't ya just love the defense attorney named Jeo Lawless? LOL that cracks me uphttp://cnn.com/nancygrace"I USED TO LOVE HER" song from GUNS & ROSES is getting alot of TV time right now as it was on the barbers computer. God give the man a freakin break.Harsh Jerry Lewis had a heart attack. He is wished wellJune 14/06- Sweetinghams blog was following Susan Polk's Trial as we now know she was found guilty.http://www.broombusters.org http://tbshumourstudy.com.comxnophobic(movie hostel)I'm into the show, so you think you can dance. Nigel drives me crazy. But I really get emotionally into the dancing. I get teary eyed. I danced Jazz when younger. I wish I could get a partner to go to couple dancing & I still want to try pole dancing. I'm also watching Last Comic Standing. God I love stand up comedy. I especially love female comics. Fear Factor is all new right now too!If you haven't tried the Uncle Ben's Fast & Fancy Microwavable rice-Try it! My fave is oriental-2 mins and it is done and ready I love it!!!Do you think it is possible to have an aura that makes people turn angry & Cold around you?Does anyone out there actually watch Hell's Kitchen? The Commercials already have me loathing the man. I refuse to give a man like that any of my time. I don't think you should either!!!! He can choke on it as far as I am concerned!!!!Poor Hammy, Criss Angel's Cat who levitates. Ya know this episode with the monkey and elephants and birds Criss does not seem like himself. I feel a sadness around him. Like it's all around him. He seems to be trying to push through but I sense it deeply. I doubt he reads my blogs, but if he does: CRISS ANGEL I LOVE BEING MINDFREAKED & I HOPE WHATEVER IT IS YOU GET THROUGH IT!!! *HUGS*I love MAD DOG(EXCON) He talks to men going down a bad path. How jail life is. He is a hard ass & they need him. I believe he also talks to troubled teens on Maury I'd love to ask him a few questions myself!http://www.couponbug.com cry me a river-Justin TimerlakeMoonlight Bunny Ranch-Darren Mack was spotted atLike I said earlier Susan Polk Guilty of second degree murder. Jusry deliberated for 4 days. She asked for a state public defender wants to appeal. Faces 16 yrs to life.Duke rape case is loosing steam & support for the victim.What do you do when all you want to do is cry? When you have no one you can cinfide in and feel safe enough to tell everything to? What do you do when all you feel is dead inside & you can't talk about it? What do you do when there is things going on in your head that are disturbing about someone but there's just no way you can tell anyone because it could lead to trouble? How do you deal with a world that is crumbling down around you? How do you live when you feel like your thoughts your feelings are not worthy of space in the world? That to cry only is seen as a manipulation? Like silence is all that matters but even then you are a bitch? How do you know how to be?Rainforest Reptile Refuse Surrey BC Paul Springat has not taken a day off in 3 yrs. Yikes he can have them. However I would love to have an iguana!James Hicks was 600lbs lost weight from Dr.Phils Book. Did a triathalonTook Phil to Clinic yesterday16th his side has been hurting for days. Dr thinks he has bruised muscles. He never told her about constipation issues though I got him to ice it and use heating pad though which helped a bit! Have called Michael every day for a week and not reached him & he hasn't called back either. Nice to know if something happened to the girls he would be so damn easy to reach. Man that PISSES me off!!!What upsets me too is when Phil gets mad at me for not talking to him. Yet when I do talk to him I irritate him and he makes me feel stupid. If I cry I am trying to manipulate him. I talk about things he doesn't care about. I'm always feeling so stupid & ALONE!http://www.lifemates.com http://www.truthdutyvalour.ca http://www.mrchristie.ca http://www.isafe.org Watching a documentary on gastric bypass surgery. My first 8 weeks were hell only I think because I got the superbug at the same time. Alot of other people were fat all their lives I wasn't, I was not super thin but was thin enough. I only gained weight after having kids & then I ballooned up to 330lbs. Surgery I lost 191pounds. It's not easy, it's not a magic tool. It took me a couple years to be able to eat & look like I am eating almost normally. Phil finishes most of my meals for me. You really do miss your best friend, you don't realize ubtil you can't eat like you could that food was such a best friend. You don't realize how often the way you eat and drink comes up either! I have ended up anemic, I do have osteoarthrtis in my spine, but still I would do it again. Before surgery my thyroid became low, my asthma was real bad, I was getting pneumonia, I was borderline diabetic, I was still tired always, never full, this gave me some ability back!Finally talked to Michael, amazing. He frustrates me to no end. His mommy and daddy always make sure he doesn't go without, he has the best of everything but if it comes to making sure I have what I need for his kids it's always like pulling teeth. We definetly do not get along, we speak because we have kids and for no other reason!http://www.procedetv.com http://www.911seniors.com/868 (lifealert-I need this)What is it that is going on with asking Korea not to fire off missiles?http://www.stickupbulb.com Stays cool & non shatters 19.99 looks pretty cool & you also get the owl light with it.Am I the only person in this world truly afraid of midgets? Phil thinks it's funny. I DO NOt! tHEY REALLY AND TRULY DO SCARE me-is this a fear with a medical term?June 21- New rules on myspace.com- really don't see these new rules doing alot to change things and working but we shall see. At least it is a step in the right direction!http://www.headandshoulders.com http://www.biggulp.com http://www.stridegum.comAmerica's Got Talent- My favorites so Far are: I LOVE LOVE LOVE Bobby Badfingers, At Last, Sydney"The Kid" Park, Uhm Interesting but not a fave but putting him here anyhow cause I loved Hasselhoffs reaction lol is The World's Oldest Stripper Bernie Barker, Alexis Jordan, Kevin Spencer who is a ventriliquist with Clyde & Matilda, Kathy Kavanaugh(harpest they voted her off), Vladmir Michikin (sp?)), Nathan Burton(magician)), on the side about Holy Cow lol, Migel missed his last name juggler.My 10 pics for Big Brother 7 all stars are: Season 2- Will, Season 3-Lisa, Marcellas, Danielle, Season 4-Erika, Alison, Season 5-Jase, Season 6-Howie, Ivette, JamesIs it true Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman are getting married?Darren Mack is the all time biggest idiot taking out his wife and trying to take out the judge the way he did hello FBI top 10 fugitive, see ya on the other side!Phil has been pretty angry lately even going so far as to spit when he is angry. He seems to enjoy fighting with me alot It leaves me always unsure of what to say or do. He says he is not leaving me on one side of his mouth & asking me if I am trying to make him leave on the other. I just don't want to fight but love him. Things are hard right now and the kids leaving is hard and I think we're really struggling because of that.Well gotta love that 3 fugitives are on the loose: Callahn, Messer and Byes.K not sure what I wrote here but here it is:Ld Dr.Roy Berkowitz-Shelton is changing to femaleJeff Gardere-Psychologisthttp://www.babycenter.com http://www.msnbc.com My bad boss Contest http://www.workingamerica.orgSome guy threw out his car window thousands of dollars. Damn where am I when this stuff happens? I believe it is in the UKGreyhound is talking about shutting down some sites & buses here on vancouver island. What a load of crap that is!BC FERRIES is upping their prices again, I wish they would go to bloody hell!http://www.vicauctions.com http://cca.kids.com http://www.venus.uvic.ca Canada is changing the age of consent for sex to age 16, all aspects including touching ect. There is however a 5 yr clause. I would like that clause to be less than 5 yrs!http://cfpsa.canex.com Support our troopsGot Phil 3 more transformers for Fathers Day. 2 Beast Wars 10th Edition & Scionwho is an alternator van looking thing. We need 1 more of the beast wars 10th edition. DINOBOT to finish building my guy TANS MUAT. He is so cute, but to build him you have to get all the beast wars 10th edition transformers his last piece is his arm and he will be so greatful to have his arm Unfortanetly we have yet to have seen dinobot in any of the storesThe Stanley Cup was here on the island this weekend I wanted to go see it but Phil said no so we didn'tPhil says I am not allowed to predict hockey games anymore cause I am always right. I predicted Vancouver would loose the stanley Cup and they did and the same the night Edmonton played and they did. Days before even I predicted it. Sorry boys! Phil swears up and down Edmonton got paid to loose the cup!!!Harsh the show 99MOST BIZARRE now that is a show to watch wow...http://www.goodnews.comI really got into that movie Dead Awake on TV the other night but sedatives kicked in and I fell asleep It stars Steven Baldwin. I want to see it again.I don't think it is right that people should be able to profit from death. Like paying for funerals ect. Everyone dies and people get torn up and destroyed by it. It's just not right to get money from that!Had an experience with a commissionaire at Mayfair mall the other day, The security guard there I believe was harassing these 3 people. Even hitting on the one girl with the 2 guys with them. I did not see anything they did to deserve the action he took towards them. When I complained to Phil he stepped in and asked why he was harassing them and they laid their hands on Phil in front of my kids. Which was harshly upsetting to them and to me. Apparently this one commissionaire has harrassed these 3 before and God the guy even followed them beyond mall property, it clearly was an abuse of power. I did call the head office and complain. But it is security officers like that, that give others a bad name! Clearly he should not be doing security, at least not there!!!! I do have to say the guard he called for back up did seem to take awhile to get there and when he was there looked like he did not want to be there. Just my observation.This week is the new trial of Andrea Yates. She is the mother accused of and convicted of killing her 5 children by drowning them in a tub. She asked to be put in a mental ward during the case happily the judge said no. She is claiming mental illness. I am a huge huge huge supporter of mental illness and Lord knows Phil and I one of our hugest fights is about mental illness especially when it comes to women because he thinks we women use it as an excuse and men are bad women are just ill. I can't get him to see it any other way. Regardless I know alot of people men included who yes I have said I don't see why they are jailed and no jail is not where they belong. I have payed very close attention to mental illnesses and cases involving them and I think Phil has somewhat of a point that women get mental illness easier than men but still... In this case I do not find that she was mentally ill. I really do believe she was guilty of murder and she knew what she was doing and that saying it was not her in her right mind is a load of BS. I'm sorry but on this rare occasion I am on the side of the prosecution.June 23-Cried last night cause I was missing DJ. You know what I do love about having teens? More intellectual conversations. I miss some of the talks I was able to have with DJ. I'll miss those talks with Mary. It'll probably be a long while before my youngest and I can talk like that I don't really open up to anyone else anymore. Don't keep in touch with anyone anymore. Probably why some of my blogs are so long winded. *sigh* However what I hate about teens is their obnoxious, hurtful, cruel words & self-centerednessYUCK-BASEBALLS BEST BURGER: 1/4 pound Hamburger Patty, sliced cheese, 4 strips of bacon in between lightly browned sliced crispy creme donut(can we say heart attack on a bun)I want to make a suggestion to the makers and judges of America's got talent: NO PUSHING THE OTHER JUDGES BUZZERS!!!!!Book: You-The Owners Manual Brainage is selling in huge numbers believe it is made by nintendohttp://www.abcnews.com God it is getting upsetting to me at least once a week now I get a new big bruise somewhere. I am falling alot, tired alot, dizzy alot, & bruising alot, and my skin is always peeling which leaves me picking more, so always have fresh new sores My mouth is chronically dry. My gums are going purple & looking like a couple places are growing absesses & in horrible agonizing pain as I have 2 very broken molarsGuys can drink more alchol than women because they have an extra enzyme in their stomach than women that absorbs part of the alcohol.Rimonabent been tested for weight control. Europe just approved it. USA so far has not. Apparently works very well. Book- Myths, Lies & Downright StupidityNot to bad a movie I watched- The Perfect HusbandYa know I can't help feeling sadness for Jeffrey Dahmer and his family. I really think he needed psychiatric help.Procede use once every 90 days. http://procededtv.comAeron Spelling died at age 83 he will truly be sadly missed. 1-800-petmeds.comDepression in cats? http://www.nobelsmile.com http://www.overstock.com http://www.cancerrecovery.com Another good movie: Past Tense http://www.keep-exploring.ca http://www.vonage.com The Rainbow Gathering in Pedro, Florida USA sounds interestingWow Natasha Ryan letting people think she was dead and now takingmoney now that she is alive and walked into court to show it. What a stuck up self centered, deceptive little BITCH! I cannot believe she let her parents believe she was dead for all those years. They grieved her, mourned her. All along she was living with her sister's ex boyfriend that is just sick! The search costed itself over half a million dollars & she has never publicly apologized.I think it's obvious Allan Quin the Con Man did so very muchto help catch Leonard Fraser, he deserves something!http://www.stjude.tvTo parents who are unsure about vaccinating their children, STP IT!!!! Our children can be healthier. The childhood vaccinations could keep them alive. My son was too young to have his 1st ones and got whooping cough & it almost cost him his life at 3weeks. In england right now babies and young kids arebecoming very ill due to measles. Why? Because their parents chose to forego the vaccinations. It shouldn't take a large outbreak for people to rethink that.Even our cats the feline leukemia and rabies are optional additional shots but I wouldn't think of not adding them.http://www.cancercenter.com http://www.wtbs.com http://www.rcmusic.ca What is with so many guys wanting to video tape sac sessions with women they are sleeping with? Have you ever noticed how you quite often see a guy walking down a street with a pizza box & many times eating from it, but never see a woman doing the same? Just one of those things that make you go hmmmmmmm....I love feel good stories & stories that prove there is still people with good hearts in this world. The Dateline Story "Rescue On Top Of The World" A rescue at Mount Everest made me cry happy tears, seeing Lincoln Hall saved while 3 others gave up making it to the summit. Those who passed him saying they did not know how to speak English should be ashamed very ashamed as we know they did. Karma will come to those people. Dan is a living breathing angelI am so glad I live in a country that does not believe in the death penalty. Everytime I see a show about someone put to death it makes me cry. IT IS SO WRONG!!!!! I do have to say I love NANNY 911 but the nanny I adore and love is NANNY DEB! She is much stronger & Hard but fun. I adore her! June 26- 4 more days in my count down WIFE SWAP is not a show I can tolerate often but omg this show I LOVE BELLA & I want her husband KENNY, good God he is the dream man. His hair his body his way of thinking He treats Bella like a Queen. He even has the kids love her like a queen wow he is so perfect! Makes me think a little harder about the lifestyles of the wicca.I hate the blonde bitch Bella switched with but she is well suited for her asshole husband! Bella & Kenny Thompson WOW!I do have to say Kenny breaking the plate shocked me. I hope they didn't change too drastically cause Kenny was alright by me and so was Bella. They rock!Oh I wanna go see Lady In the WaterTalked on the phone with Doug tonight first time in a long long long long time about a half hour conversation. I did talk it over with Phil first. I go over everything with Phil first. I feel unsure and scared that I will piss him off if I don't check with him first and I don't want to do that, I feel like he feels stressed enough right now and I don't want to do anything more to add to that. So now am all updated oh except still in pain with teeth.Phil did force me to go to dr today because I have a painful infection on my chest so painful I had a hard time getting to sit up today so reluctantly agreed to go. It's a pretty bad infection I got some meds, so hopefully will get better now. Laterz....

Playing Catchup, Somewhat Pointform

Saw the Omen last night despite my trying to tell Phil he could not afford it. Was ok but not as good as I expected which pissed Phil off cause I have become somewhat of a hardlined critic in the way of film. I think too much red was in the film, a little drawn out and a little predictable. What was with the rotweilers?
My depression seems to have subsided somewhat, I have gone from feeling like death to feeling pretty much just numb and like you could prick me and I would feel nothing. Which is a feeling I have grown to love. To not feel is a feeling I live for. Still it hits me every now and again that my son is not here. Miss thing rubs it in how she accomplished making him leave. She takes full credit for making him realize he didn't want to live here and she is telling anyone she can she thinks he will hear from anything she can to make sure his continued hate of me grows. So I am sure I will hear from him long time to huh NEVER AGAIN! She now vows to have Phil and my youngest turn on me as well and she is doing a damn good job of it. She is really good at hitting their weak spots and just plugging away at them. I try not to fall into the game but every once in awhile I break down and cry. I am only human. I am so tired of being called a pill popper. Part of me wants to just stop taking my meds. Screw the fact I get suicidal and cut myself, screw the fact my thoughts race and I am oversexed, screw the fact I make very irrational thoughts at least I wouldn not be on meds and no one could call me a pill popper!!!! I HATE THIS SHIT!!!! They had taken me off my zopiclone but I went days without sleeping and finally went and bought over the counter sleeping pills and took a bunch to finally sleep so they finally put me back on the zopiclone. However they lowered my nighttime dose of seroquel. But my thoughts are beginning to race at night again so it may still have to go up. The seroquel I have to say is seeming to work except mid afternoon the 50mg is not enough to keep my excited moments down. The morning and evening is perect though so I think I am getting really close to a perfect dose, not yet though. But like I said the pill popper crapper has me sometimes considering stopping it all and flushing it all.
I am almost caught up on laundry but pain in back is so bad and codiene is doing nothing does anyone take anything for osteoarthrtis that actually works. I have tried so many meds and gave up. I stopped asking for pain killers because they were useless in helping. Celebrex a joke, and the few others like that didn't work. T3's don't work. I know there is another one napricin or something like that did not work either:(
Oh before I forget hell yeah I called it that it was Steve before they showed his face on Days how bout that? I am so fricken excited. Now we need Shane and Kim whew hoo Kayla and Steve I am so fricken excited!!!
Oh if someone said something very disturbing in a fight that could be dangerous and harmful how would you deal with that? If they later explained it away but something in your gut felt sick about it and made you still wonder what would you do, how would you deal? If a friend asked you how to deal with her boyfriend who seems to be trying to push her away and doing all he can to get her to dump him, but he insists he loves her and that is just not the case, what would you tell her? How do you help her deal with him making her feel more and more like he is doing all he can to make him leave and always asking her if that is what she wants is for him to leave? How does she deal with the inkling he might be cheating but no real evidence of it?
How do you help a friend who is have triggers and becoming violent where they weren't physically violent before and are having questionable blackouts? I looked up a disorder called intermitten explosive disorder it sounds alot like what this person is experiencing. Oddly enough it reminded me of my dad and brother when I was growing up. I have a hard time with that because I am more apt to be violent to myself so I am not sure how to help people who are violent to others. However I have a tongue of swords that is the only way I strike out and I always gold a grudge like a true scorpio!!!!
Ok so the rest is pointform thoughts I have been writing down and sites just random thoguhts and things:
I am interested in learning more about a foundation called Girls Best Friend
DBT http://www.behaviouraltech.com Marcha Linehan Interested in International Dyslexia Foundation
http://thatswhack.ca Cathi Griffith http://www.offthedlist.com Oh I am so psyched to watch Big Brother this summer, I do every summer Congrats late to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie on your baby girl Want to read Book God's Banker http://www.homeagainpets.com OMG I so hate those stupid MAN'S LAW Commercials http://gethuman.com this site helps you skip robots on the phone whew hoo:) Nancy Weler-Investigative Psychic is very good if anyone is interested look her up A good foundation is the Steve Nash Foundation Hmmm I have written down Jeff McBride (Musician?) I was very interested in hearing what Brook Fox had to say about Albinoism like they are not evil and do not shoot radars out of their eyes:) By the way I thought she was very beautiful:) http://www.weatherplus.com http://www.driveok.com I am very curious about the VIDOQ SOCIETY(Limited to 82 members) look at unsolved homiceds is what I wrote here but yeah I am have my curiosity piqued about this society I wanna know more http://glenbeck.com he'll let you enter your weight here & put it on your site you can do this! http://discovery.com/deadliestcatch
I HAVE TO SAY I FRICKEN LOVE CRISS ANGEL I LOVE THE NEW SEASON I WANT CRISS I WANNA BE YOUR MANEQUIN OMG VRISS YOU SO ROCK BABY I WANNA BE MINDFREAKED!!! I HAD A DREAM HE CAME MINDFREAKED ME AND GAVE ME A AUTOGRAPH SAYING I HAVE BEEN MINDFREAKED BY CRISS ANGEL LOVE YOU ANGELA LOVE CRISSOMFG I LOVE CRISS I AM THINKIN I MIGHT GET THE A TATOO WHEWHOO!!!
http://shortstaturedadults.org http://www.rickhanson.com http://findmystory.com http://www.advair.com
Wanna read the book- if loving you is wrong Musclisim-reading someone by their muscle reactions Not sure if this is spelt right Houstrinism?
I wanna see the true story of Chris Gardner played by Will Smith and his son called The Pursuit of Happiness
I wanna know more about Priory Of Sion (ps)(Grandmasters)
Books I wanna Read- H.A.L.O., Holy Blood Holy Grail, & The Da Vinci Code By Dan Brown
Did you hear about the judge who let a guy not do jail time because he was 5'1" and would not be able to survive prison life after he sexually assaulted a 2 yr old he got 4 mos electronic monitoring 10 yrs probation in Nebraska. Same Judge gave a cow thief 8 yrs in jail. INSANITY!!!!
I was starting to like new show on msn but Glen Beck ticked me off when he put down a guy in canada saying he could live in his ice & ice. Uhm there is no ice where I live. I think Glen needs to make a trip up to canada. Come up here buddy get some geography in your pants. Be intelligent when you speak to us canadians and I was liking you damn it!!!!
A short film to watch Baghdad ER, some harsh reality!
I found a couple shows showing us Dr.Helen Morrison(Profiler) & Dr.Kris Mohandie (Forensic Psychologist) were compelling good specialists hard jobs. I envy the profilers, cool job. I'd love to shadow one. I saw a show on Macek Richard I don't think it was a surprise he killed himself after a yr in jail in fact I said it before the show did. He was not going to last in there he should have been on suicide watch.
http://follicare.com
Congrats to annanicole who seems to not just be doing well in court and I have to say when it comes to court I am on her side but also congrats girl your preggers and you seem to happy. Check her out: http://www.annanicole.com
ok that is all my notes am all caught up and need to finish laundry, so laters. Oh I got 3 weeks to go before my place gets even quieter, sigh more to get sad about:(

People Can Be Such Spazes

Ya know the whole purpose of a blog is so people can vent and be able to do that in absense of maybe doing something destructive. I take my meds religiously. I see my psychiatrist every week in fact I see my counsellor tomorrow. We're going to look at maybe changing my meds around a bit more again.
Ya know most people at some point in their life will utter I wish you were dead, I wish I were dead, I hope you die, God just kill me now. All things you hear from time to time, should we take all those things seriously and lock them up or when I teen says I hate my mom I wish she were dead should we lock them up like OMG they might do it. Rest assured too if I were going to even attempt it I sure as hell would not be announcing it to the world.
Yes I am hurting and aching and I feel so so so dead inside. My whole world is crumbling apart and each day it gets harder.I miss my son and he is just breaking my heart.
Life has to go on though right???
We didn't go see The DaVinci Code yet but plan to go next week.
Man I can't be on here long I have a migraine that just won't quit. But Felt compelled to tell people to give their head a shake. Blogging is my way to be angry and vent and feel safe just because I say something doesn't make it true, it's that thought for that moment.
Go do some research on Bipolar and get a grip!!!

Having a Bad Day

Well the stupid worthless me is pretty much that right now taking my meds I thought I was getting better but I been crying for about 5 hours now on and off. I can't stop and when I do I start crying harder. I'm in one of those zones where I can't handle having any noise or people or anything distracting around me cause it gets me irritated and angry and makes me want to scream and cry that much harder and makes me want to puke. Right now I am at the highest point where I am at the point where I want to puke, yep been dry heaving. Why can't I be normal like everyone else? I am so sick of this up and down yo yo. How many more switching of meds will it take?
I miss my son I ache so badly I mean I just feel so dead inside. He's right I am stupid, I am worthless, I do take too many meds. I am so sick all the time. Fuck I have a bruise on my arm all down my forearm from a fall in my room, a big bruise on my leg from falling down the stairs AGAIN bringing his comp down the stairs. Seems like if anyone touches me a little harder than normal I bruise. What kid wants a mother that worthless and weak?
He came & threw the keys at me and told me he was through with me & my whole family forever. Then left a message today on the phone saying the stuff I dropped off today he was throwing in the garbage never to contact him again he hates me I am DEAD to him *can't breathe crying so hard can barely see*. So if I did die or I commited suicide he really wouldn't care now would he cause I already am dead to him.
I told Phil I am sure if I were dying my sister would probably tell me to close my eyes and go, my mom would say it's okay to let go, not sure my dad would say anything and pretty sure my brother wouldn't be around not sure my sister would either. I really don't believe it would affect anyone. Girls would be great and in good hands with their dad and grandma and grandpa. I have made sure they all know I don't want to be ressucitated, or kept on a machine. I only want to donate blood, major organs, no skin or eyes and pretty sure I wouldn't be a viable donor. I want to be creamated. Do not want to be kept alive on a machine.
On a good note my granny is home. My mom babysits her now.
We took the cats in for shots the times there were written down wrong and Phil flipped out because they couldn't fit them in so we have to go back in. I asked him to please calm down. Yelling was not going to accomplish anything. I did tell them though that it was crap considering two or 3 calls were made to make sure of the time. I also asked about getting a discount and they said they would look into it.
I did take Phil out and buy him 3 new transformers at Toys R Us. I bought him 2 of the star wars ones yesterday and 1 of the star wars ones on weds I think it was. We had also gone shopping for groceries and that day I bought the girls each a naughty bunny hat and a shirt. Today I got Mary a new shirt and Sarah a shirt and shorts. We threw out alot of Sarahs old clothes so we have to rebuild the clothes again.
I need fricken new clothes all my clothes are too damn big:(
I have thought about my broher alot mostly because I think of anyone he would understand alot more from DJ's side and he used to be hard on me but my brother has a way of being hard but loving and helping you turn things around. *crying* I really miss my brother and I really miss my son. Life just seems so worthless. I hate life!!!!
Well one of the girls is having a sleep over and they are here in the livingroom so I am off for now. Laterz...
Email from son see Maybe I would be better off dead:
"as for u shut the fuck up im serious i dont want u as my mother or family and i told u this already ur not sumone i can trust and u fucking false accused which is why iv been so fucking depressed in the first place i really hope u do die so when u do everyone sees that im not crying cause i dont give a shit about u or the family so get a life grow up and hopefully die soon!so stop calling and nver write me agian and btw the shit u sent me i threw out cept the phone so have a good life bitch!ps mary can go fucking die and sarah i dont really give a shit about and next time when i tell u i dont want anything dont call meagen and tell her ur gonna drop it off!"

Happy Mothers Day...NOT!!!

Well my psychiatrist has upped my seroquel as she is trying to help me with my excited and loud outburst. This is something my family has always hated and so do my kids and Phil. I resent it when people point it out. I feel like I am being singled out and they use it when it is not that bad. Anyhow she wants me to not just take it at night but during the day to "keep me quiet" something I RESENT! It makes me feel belittled and stupid. I am so tired being labelled mentally ill. Who wants to be labelled like that?
Anyhow to make my week that much better my son turned on me and I got scared and asked him to leave for the weekend. Well he has chosen to have nothing to do with me ever again Disowning me he says. Made sure to tell me that he will be getting his stuff today and will never see me or my family ever again. Doesn't really care what I tell his little sister. My heart is aching. I feel like I have died. Even Phil has been heartbroken over this more so than I ever thought I would ever see. You would think it was his own child he just lost. He's actually just been hard to be around angry and asking me if he is next to be gotten rid of. He is so hurting right now.
On mothers day his mother hurt him by saying how we never gave her a card or money ect and how we were at subway and going to see my family. Huh I have a daughter who we were picking up from respite, going to see my grandmother who is STILL in hospital who I had only saw once and finally decided to see again for only the second time and see mom who was also up there. Was not sure if my son was going to come home that day. Used what I had to not have to cook for my mothers day. Well Phil was so upset he lost it and the guy at subway had to cool him down. Mothers Day to say the least left me most of the day crying and feeling like all I was was a worthless heartache to everyone around me. Really left me wondering what I am here on this earth for.
Soon all I am going to have is one child left. I did not see this coming and I am so lost right now and confused I don't know up from down. I did go out today because just being in the house is painful. Everything is painful. I don't seem to know how to make anyone happy or the right things to do and say.
I thought I was doing it right with my son. All I ever wanted was to make him happy. I wanted to make up for so much pain from when he was little and I have fought so hard for him. I got scared. I don't know where I screwed up. But obviously I can't seem to get it right. I don't blame him I blame me, why would I blame anyone it's always me right?
I do see more and more how my dad was the way he was and why my mom was the way she was. I needed her more than what she gave me on mothers day but she like normal just did "you'll be fine" thing like she always has. I don't hate her for it anymore. I know it's her way of dealing and it's all she knows to do. I know my dad does what he does to protect her because she can't protect herself. I know my brother and I have hated her and been hard on her and I know how hard it is when you are confused and weak inside and you have to depend on stupid pills to make you be somewhat normal. I can see how it made my dad angry he took on alot. Phil too takes on alot. It's hard sometimes. I am thankful some times for him even though I wish sometimes he could be even more understanding than he already is. But I know it's alot to ask.
I am getting through and alot of calling with alot of support daily over hours it seems lately is going on in last week or two so I suppose I have no other choice but to get through. I am glad we were able to get my son where he was and glad the workers and his care has been so easy to talk to and supportive. I just wish this didn't have to be the way things were.
I did cry about missing my brother, of everyone I wanted to reach out and call it was my brother. But I knew there was no point in calling him. I have blown it with him too.
Even Doug I can't reach out to anymore I pretty much ended any reach we had there too and made sure of it so that what Phil and I have would be more assured and strong.
I did talk to Sherri and she helped somewhat but I am sure even she has gotten tired of it over time. I don't blame her.
As for my lump it seems to me to be at about half of what it used to be. Healing up nice where I had cut at it. Wierd though I seem to have an infection that won't clear up exactly opposite of it on the same thigh.
A 3rd Duke Lacrosse Player was charged today in the rape. Not really sure how I feel about him being charged the evidence thus far points to him being innocent, but that's what we have seen for defense.
I am very upset that someone actually kidnapped the pillsbury doughboy was kidnapped in newhampshire and threatened to bake him they even blindfolded him and sent ransom notes everyday. One picture showing him buried to his neck. UMG I was so upset. What is wrong with people? And people label me with mental illness, I would never kidnap a pillsbury doughboy I love him:)
Daniel Biechele was sentenced to 15 years in jail 11 years suspended and 4 years in jail. Apparently he will probably do about 2 yrs. I wanted to cry actually I did cry. I truly believe he deserves no time in jail for this tragic tragic accident. Yes he set of the pyro and yes 100 people so tragically died and I have no doubt they died horrible tragic deaths. But I believe the fire marshal should be held accountable in a HUGE way and I believe the brothers of the club are hugely hugely accountable. I am glad at least they will be going to court but they are not at sole responsability. This is so tragic and is not getting the attention or accountability it deserves. I really am sad for Daniel. My heart is with him and his family.
Anyhow my son just came and got his stuff and that was hard so I am gonna go. Laterz...

You Gotta Love Life...

Well I went to the Mood Disorders Clinic and apparently that was a one time visit which was not what my psychiatrist was hoping for:( Anyhow he went over my meds with me and I'm staying on the topomax, zopiclone, celexa I will now add on seroquel apparently a major tranquilizer. The dr said it will help me slow down my thought process, excitability, among other things I do. So far I have noticed my thoughts are slowing down a little bit. I am also getting more sleep again which was something I had started to loose again. It was a reason zopiclone was added but over time I got used to it and could stay awake through the zopiclone some nights. Not every night but sometimes. So we will see. What upsets me is having to rely on meds to try and be "NORMAL". It's not that people are mentally unstable you hear people say it's that we can't get them to take their meds. Well it's damn hard to always have to take these stupid fricken pills and go in and get them and take them on a clock and explain to people why you need them, or why you do things you do. Not to mention the pills don't FIX everything, they "fix" some things. People pass judgement about what you should and shouldn't be. How that should look. Easy for them because they aren't the one going through it. Do you think we the ones going through it enjoy it?
I am going through a bad bout of skin picking right now, have never found anything to stop that. No one ever talks about it either, no just comment on it and comment in not so nice terms. I read most people who share this problem with me have it with their faces. I thought alot about that and my thought is it's not because we want people to see it. I know I always try hiding it with makeup ect. I think it's that your more likely to get a zit or blotch ect on your face and that's for me how it starts. I hate the look or feel and I think if I just get rid of the swelling or I pick the little patch or scrap it here ect it will look or feel better, of course it looks worse but it's not like that when I am doing it. Not to mention I also do it in my sleep, yeah that's right I do it in my sleep!
As for the lump on my thigh it was really bugging me so I cut it open and released some fluid. Cleaned it up with alcohol and put some guaze on it. Lump is still there but not as big as it was and not as sore.
One of my kids got bronchitis. I knew right away it was not just your normal cold and cough. I knew there would be a prescription with a visit to the doctor and there was.
My grandmother is in the hospital, I was angry that she pretty much spent 2 days in emergency before she finally got a room. Our healthcare in canada is really going downhill. If that was the primeminister or their family they would have gotten better treatment. I am worried about her she is not doing very good. I love both my grandmothers very much and consider myself very lucky to even still have the two of them around at my age. I guess it's in God's hands. I haven't gone up to see her yet because with the throwing up in this house and the coughing I can't risk bringing that up to the hospital. Which kills me cause it makes me feel so helpless. I hope to see her soon though.
I am keeping up with the vitamin C and healthy stuff. Bought lots of cleaners with javex in them and hoping that will help with things.
Anyhow that's it for now I am off....

The World Still Spins

Okay so I tried this once and computer shut me down grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr pissed me off so let me try doing this quick run down style cause I so do not feel like typing it all back out. I am pissed to see the 3 police officers aquitted of beating Frank Jude Jr and hope the black ministers who are asking for it to be relooked at and doing protests continue to look at doing this and more is done. Keep up the fight.
Go Nancy Grace for telling the guy who tried to say money could be a factor in the Duke University Lacrosse team Players rape case has absolutely nothing to do with this at all. I have read what people have said about Nancy Grace go suck a lemon Nancy Grace is hard and strong and gets the work done and we need more women like her. I love her!!!! Another women getting this case out there is Rita Cosby Go woman go. I hate her voice I really do but lately when she is on no one can interrupt me. She has showed the taxi driver alibi Reade Sullivan he called the taxi driver at 12:14 and then went the ATM and got a burger I don't think he did it however I think the other boy may have. I believe she was raped I believe she was drugged. I am astounded they made their 400, 000 bail in cash right then and there. They have had search and seizure a few times now and not taken anything of all that importance. I think this can still blow wide open.
I am astounded Natallee Hollay's mother is not more excited about this boy being arrested in connection to her daughter gone missing in fact she seems more disturbed by it then happy. She seems more intent about the past 3 other guys being brought to justice than someone new. Who happened to apparently have a shirt in connection to Natallee and may have been on security patrol that night but is still to be seen.
4 men and 1 lady were arrested in London ontario canada for shooting 8 men in the motorcycle club called the bandidos all are being charged with 1st degree murder and is being called an 'internal cleansing' of the bandidos. Everyone shot and who shot were in the club. So anyone into that scene might want to keep an eye on that story.
I think the Susan Polk murder case is a joke I cannot believe they are letting her defend herself and letting her question her children the way she has. That lady is a loon and needs to go to get some serious serious help. I don't even know if she knows what day it is. How did she end up with such great kids? well at least a couple great kids? Her husband did not deserve to be stabbed to death.
The case I been curiously watching the sentencing of is Halder apparently he got 196 guilty. He held a 7 hour game of cat and mouse shooting anyone in his site because some guy he thinks erased most of the files on a site that was his becoming livelihood. The students had made a site called haldersucks.org. He was a ibelieve 62yrs old. His reaction was if he had to do it again he'd buy a better gun. OMG buddy. It was at Case Reserve University Ohio. HE had 2 semi Automatics. His Lawyers wanted to plead insanity but he said he was not insane. 3 therapists found him not insane and one found he had personality disorder which apparently and unbeknownst to me is not anyway insane.
I found it a little curious that in all the mens documentaries in their prisons I never saw it being a big issue on the men having self mutilation issues but apparently in HMP Holloway Prison for Women it is a very huge issue. Which makes me curious if it is that way across the board and if so why women and not men? Did you know this prison was once built like a hospital but was really bad so had to be restructured? Interesting eh?
I would like to a documentary that talks soley on how the mind works on munchausen syndrome by proxy. When I watched the case about Kathy Bush and how she was convicted in 1999 of child abuse and munchusuasen syndrome by proxy I was really confused. I didn't see how locking her up was really dealing with the issue at hand. I also did not understand how she had two kids before and never hurt them they were healthy and haooy had great relationships with their mother. It really baffles the mind. It leaves me wanting to understnad it more. But I don't agree with jailing someone. I believe it needs to be dealt with medically. Something isn't right inside if your doing something like that.
I'm sure everyone has heard TIVO lost in a 75 million dollar lawsuit. I'm not sure of the details but I do know alot of people are talking about it.
A story I wish we knew more answers about is Stephen Marshal who is from Canada who died of self inflicted gunshot wound to the head in boston on a bus after killing two pedophiles who were listed on a sex offenders website in maine.
Everyone here has been choked about our gas prices going up again. Up to 1.15 a litre and told it will go up again even more by summer. Said to be caused by some of the USA's relationships with other countries like Iran and wealth of China now.
On yeah Big congradulations goes out to Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes on the birth of their new baby girl Suri.
I am a little curious about this belief in scientology that Tom keeps talking about because John Travolta also believes in it Scientology I don't really know much about it. I only recently learned there is different levels. I am a HUGE Travolta fan I LOVE that man!!! He is hotter all the time!
I like Michael J Fox because he is canadian is was a base brat like me. He even is pictured at EW Norman in North Bay On. with like a shaved head. Apparently was a good kid even then. Anyhow he is apparently a lobbyist for embryonic stemcell research for parkinson's disease. I myself want to know a whole lot more about this before I would say I agree. I just have a hard time saying yes to anything that says embryonic.
Counting down the days till the Davinci Code comes out I cannot wait to see it. I had no interest in seeing it then Entertainment Tonight did a thing on it and it was awesome. I was like OMG I have to see it. I want to know all there is to know. It seems like it is a huge puzzle mystery I love it. Pretty sure it is one of the few films I will buy to have at home.
Phil is taking me to see Silent Hill next week, he tried to take me to a mvie last week but there was nothing I wanted to see everything looked stupid. I did not realize Silent Hill was a video game kinda ruined my want to see it but then DJ found out more info on it and got me reexcited about it. So excited to go see it again.
Who the hell came up with 4/20 being national weed day? What the hell is wrong with people thinking it would be cool if our teens thought that would be a goof proof day to smoke up? Seriously I think this world is going to hell in a handbasket.
I've added a whole bunch more links on my msn space http://spaces.msn.com/yourladyillusions/
Oh you know how much negativity there has been about myspace. I am proud to say because of myspace people are safe today. A school plot was busted 7 years after columbine. 4 Kansas teens were arrested and a 5th was being questioned for planning a school shooting. Youth between 16 and 18 were found to have guns and more. One of the boys apparently revealed the plot to a lady on myspace.com. The school was Riverton, Kansas.
You better believe monday the 24th on A&E I will be watching Ronald Defeo Jr. who after 31yrs, the amittyville killer (made 10 movies about) speaks abput murder. He is serving 25 to life, convicted for killin his family. He now says not just he did the killing.
Does anyone else enjoy watching Bill Kurtis on American Justice? Don't you think the way he tells the story just adds to the program?
I was really sad to see a news story last week in Naniamo BC Canada a local merchant is closing his business because of street people and drug users. All I could think of is those people are given such a bad name, they used to be somebody's baby, no they are somebody's baby and all people want is to see them gotten rid of. It just upsets me so much.
Another woman apparently her and her husband had their car stolen and the guy rode over the woman with her car, how harsh is that?
Not sure if anyone cares but the price of gold apparently is on the uprise right now too:(
Now as for me I got into the mood disorders clinic really quick I go next week. See what that will do. My meds have been upped. I am not getting the tingling as much as I had. I do only take them at night, generally when the kids go to bed.I remember growing up I hated my dad for forcing my mom to do things and yelling at her. I sometimes don't know how Phil deals with it. My moods are so yoyoing. One day I am happy next I am up and down one week I am great, next week I can't be around anyone, or I can be up and down all in one day, it's crazy. Motivation is something I lack alot of.
It's funny out of 3 kids My sister is a spendaholic, I am well bipolar and my brother he has his issues but I would say of the 3 of us is the most normal. My sister would totally disagree and if ya asked us all about how we grew up she would tell a totally different story I don't know it makes me angry. So I try not to think about it. Dad was hardest on my brother and he was angry when younger yet somehow he figured out how to cope as an adult, I however have held alot of anger in and have issues with holding in memories and anger with things that happened to us. My dad used to ask me if I wanted to be like my mother he meant fat, I don't think he meant fat. My mom wasn't dignosed with bipolar until a few years ago. Would I think have meant alot to us if she had been diagnosed when we were growing up. Anyhow we're working on my meds. Am still on topomax and only side effect that is huge is vivid dreams like wow are they vivid. Last week or so alot of bad dreams. Phil has woke me up a few times and calmed me down, today he woke me up and calmed me down. He's not here right now. Just me Sarah and DJ.
Sarah went to Karyn's the other day had chicken and came home super ill. I think she had a bad piece of chicken. Mary went over there so been nice and quiet. DJ had his friend over here and they were so quiet it was not even funny.
I found a hard lump in my upper thigh painful to touch at first I could barely walk. I asked Phil to feel and see if he felt it and he did. Then I was like shit. I looked it up on line and it fits the description of a sebacious cyst and I am not going in and letting a doctor drain it. No fricken thankyou I will suffer. So I been putting a heating pad on it. It's a little less painful but still the lump is there:(
I have bought 3 new transformers for Phil since easter. An Alternator called Sunstreaker that he has been obsessed with getting, a motorcycle called lugnutz and override that we couldn't find at easter. I think he got 5 at easter. It sometimes feels like he really doesn't care how much I care when I go out of my way to get a transformer he wants. There is 2 he wants Primus and some other one. Then he came to me today and said there is 2 other ones he also wants.
I hate that I have always suffered from really hot hands. I put them on something cool only to have them leave marks and need something else to cool them down. Turns out one of my kids now has the same problem. We get it in our feet too. For the last almost year now too I have really bad tightening in my toes, feet and calves likes their curled up and I can't unclench them. I asked the doctor about it once she said it could be the iron deficiency causing it, so never asked again. Sometimes I massage TIGER BALM into them. Once in awhile my hands cramp up too it totally sucks.
Believe it or not I have had all these thoughts written down to try and remember them for my blog. So almost through it all if ya have stayed with me this far I am almost done thank God cause my back is killing me.
I wanted to remember to say I still want to see WolfCreek, Dick & Jane and also Underworld-Revolution. I am intrigued by anything to do with vampires, fallen angels, demons, & reapers always have been. Oddly enough I have a drawing to some part of religious beliefs as well. I believe abortion is the murder of an innocent child. I believe marriage is sacred and should be forever. I believe in the power of prayer. Those religious values stuck with me. I believe adultry is wrong it's against God. I believe in communion and baptism. I have alot of dark thoughts and beliefs but those religious beliefs stuck with me and I believe always will. I don't believe in cloning people I don't believe it is in us to play God.
I am a covergirl makeup girl. I love the lipstick and I intend to get the lash exact.
I want Touched By An Angel to Come Back I love John Dye, Della Reese, & Roma Downey
My last thoughts this house loves Pert Plus shampoo. They told me in hairstyling school that it is the worst stuff for your hair but the oilfree one works great and fresh scent works for everyone else. Phil he sticks to his shampoo Vive Thickening shampoo for men they just need to come out with a conditioner to go with it. If anyone is listening they need an electric razor for men with sensitive skin. Phil has psorisis and can't use an electric razor because it does havoc to his skin. We have to pay rediculous prices for high priced ones just because of his skin. I was gonna buy a new quatro shick for women but 16 dollars for replacement blades not a chance in hell! nope I will stick to my daisyfresh razors thanks! I love my aloe strips:)
Anyhow back is killing me gotta go. Catcha...