Yes I Am Still Alive

Well I did upload some of my burn pics on my msn space but they are nothing compared to some of the other ones I still have to post. I been in bed alot because it hurt so bad. The doctors are not sure why I burnt so bad, my meds should have been ok. I was in my backyard all of 3 hours and not even the whole 3 hours in the morning. Then Phil gave me soup and I went to open the lid I had nothing covering me because it hurt too bad and spilt the soup all down my already horrendously bad burn. I expected Phil to yell at me for being so stupid but he just yelled at me to get into the tub. Sarah was yelling for an ambulance I was hyperventilating and wouldn't talk to either of them. The world was just spinning and I really felt like I was going to die. I soaked a towel with rreally cold water. Phil sat by me until I started to breathe properly then he went and made the bed. He said he should have opened the soup in the first place. I didn't care all I knew is I felt stupid and I was in soooooo much pain. We did go to the hospital a couple days later and found out I am allergic to solercaine. Didn't find out till yesterdays visit that it is a magor allergin!! Thanks Last doctors could have told us so. Mostly healed now except my left shin is still torn open and hurts like a bitch as a result of using solarcaine on the burn there, and chest has some magor sores and now that scales and yellowness is gone I have an itch that had me screaming in pain and finally we went to dr last week she gave me a low dose hydracortisone cream which did NOTHING! We went to hospital yesterday and I bawled my eyes out and they gave me a much much stronger hydracortizone cream holy shit it is so soft. Plus Phil and I pleaded for something internal and they gave me this stuff that stops the itching but knocks you out, well hell I don't care knock me out get rid of this rash. The rash they still do not know where it is from. I may still have to see a dermatologist, apparently my back is somewhat colorful:(Mary is a little wishy washy about her feelings on being with her dad. DJ still hates me but has spent longer on the phone talking to me on the phone. Sarah had fun we got stuff for her party the other day and got her hair all cut off.Phil's car completely died. So now we have no car, oh the fun we shall now have. It appears my family understands why we would need a car but his family not so much. But life is life and ya gotta do with what you can do with.I know nothing I say or do lately seems to make Phil happy. He yells how ugly he is, how old he is getting. Now that his little brother is now going to be a dad he yells at me because I can't have a kid of his. Like I did it on purpose. I couldn't have another kid long long long before I met Phil. But it kills me and makes me feel inconsequential and worthless because I can't get him a new car and I can't give him lots of kids and I don't make lots of money. I have had him so angry at me and I don't know what I did. I wish to God I could give him the world. I wish I could buy him a brand new truck and every transformer, that I could give him all the kids he could handle. I wish I could give him all the money in the world to spend. I wish I were more healthy and I know I am stupid and unstable and I shouldn't have to take meds like I do. I can't hike and climb like I used to. I try to stay offline because I don't want him thinking I would talk to any guy for any reason. I wouldn't interest any guy anyway I mean who wants junk like me? Phil always has chicks at his feet why can't he see how hot he still is?His bday is coming up I been planning things I want so much to make it huge for him. He deserves the best!!! ANyhow I am fine taking my meds, healing and hope everyone else is well!!!

Thoughts Transferred From Paper

RCMP-Project KAREI am interested in this case of Justin Barber being prosecuted for killing his wife on the beach April Barber. She was shot once in the cheek in never exited so bounced around in her head and she died he was shot 4 times, left shoulder, right chest, right shoulder/neck, and left hand. I myself have no belief in the fact that he would shoot himself that many times and then go get help. No he didn't call 911 and he drove nearly 10 miles before getting out of the car to waive down help. But hello he was shot loosing blood not thinking and in a very desolate area. People this is I think a waste of money to try this poor man. Telus Mobility/pay & talk is NOT USER FRIENDLY! I am sick of trying to reach a human on the phone & not being able to top up an account in a fast & easy manner. Grrr I hate telus.Terrorists caught in Onatario asked the court for a publication ban on publication. 14 of them of them were in the court on the 11th. I say screw a publication ban we have a right to know what was up and how and why. Still shocks me. The investigation and procedings against the motorcycle club Bandidos in canada is still going on. They put very little tidbits about it in the news.Is it just me or do other people think the "sporster" motorcycle is not near as gorgeous as a real Harley Davidson Beauty? I know it's the same name company but to me it comes off as a wanna be cool but can't quite do it so I'll settle for this bike. My teeth are still hurting so damn bad. My left upper back molar hardly has anything left, filling is only thing holding it in. Right back molar hurts, about half of it is left. Every once in awhile it tastes like something is draining from them it leaves a yucky taste in my mouth. Saturday night I wasn't doing so hot and it would appear I had yet another fall only reason I know is because my head, my shoulder and side of face are puffy and sore. Can't even touch them. Waiting to see brusies. We figured I fell hard and knocked myself unconscious as Phil found me passed out on the floor. I just wish I could remember. My balance does seem off as of late. Sucks.2 and a half weeks left and counting till peace hopefully will be abound. The countdown is in effect. I am drinking alot of milk lately but not eating much more than crackers and soup. I drank almost 10 litres in 3 or 4 days. It's skim milk. Nothing else seems to taste good to me. The creamy cold smooth taste just feels so good ya know? I do only drink dairyland, island farms sucks it has an off taste to it.Nice to finally see the Susan Polk case coming to an end eh?Britney speaks out on Dateline tonight and you can always check her out on http://www.brinttneyspears.comI have to say I am a fan to Max Kellerman. He always seems so well spoken and really keeps my attention. Even when I don't always agree with what he says. Not too bad looking either. ADDERAL is a prescription Drug for your brain given out in the USA mostly taken by college and university students from what I understand. WTF? People get a grip already. I agree with Tucker Carlson glad to see he doesn't see the point of them either.Phil surprised me this weekend he brought me home a long stemmed red rose, can't remember the last time I got anythingIs it just me or did Nancy Grace get a haircut? I love it.With my meds I get really bad dry mouth anyone got any ideas for dealing with chronic dry mouth?I so would love to go see Just For Laughs in Montreal canada. I just watched Tracy Smith she is hilarious.Not to bell Mobility Canada I love the beavers commercials but am disturbed by the shaving commercial!I get the idea but it is still disturbing!http://sfaproductions.com"If I had a faith that could move mountains but had not love than I have nothing"I hate the yo yo roller coaster emotions I've been on lately, withmy meds my moods slowed down. But with the emptiness & hurt of loosing DJ & in just over 2 weeks other changes are coming. Phil is way out of control of his emotions I am just so off and on.Ok I started this then been procrastinating but am back and hope to get this caught up and not fall back again,,, so here we goJune18- http://www.mensfacts.com apparently an atheist wanted to file a lawsuit as they believed it was against their constituational rights to have "In God We Trust" On their coins. Of course the judge rejected it. Godd God people give me a break! People will really sue over anything.2 cops patrolling a beach in an SUV ran over an IOWA sunbather killing her. She was there for her sons wedding. The 2 officers in california are on paid leavepending an investigation. One word from me is-HARSH! Insurgent sites on the web claim USA air strike that killed ABU MUSAB AL-ZARQAWI was a stroke of luck.My heart goes out to the mother of the 2 girls who were apparently taken forever by their dad in the murder suicide how horrendeous. London Ontario. Stephanie 12/Ashley 15. Dad-John in head on collision.I think it's wrong about the 21yr old lady who was recently arrested because she refused to deploy with her unit WTF?Not sure what is with me lately but I basically am only drinking skim milk & bottled water. Chicken breasts, premium plus salted top crackers, & chicken soup. I do eat other food but not really into anything else except that I already listed. 579 women were gunned down by their husbands in 2004 HOLYSHIT!http:www.ropos.com1 in 6 canadians are obese harsh eh? 213 live in a smoke free homes. 15% encounter second hand smokeGuantanomo 3 committed suicide. Do USA citizens want to be looked upon as the same kind of people as the taliban? Cause if something doesn't change there will be hell to pay and hell will come abd no will give a shit because it will be like the taliban. It's time a change was made TODAY!!!!Anyone know how to write letter of support to people in court and/or in jail?One thing I love about Canada is we don't have is the death penalty. Phil commented on how many die on death row in the USA which is supposed to curb crime in the USA. How ever that obviously is not working is not working. It was just said yesterday that last year, homicides, assaults, and rapes went up last year. Gee really? Go figure. Guess death row really does work huh?I found it interesting to see that alot of companies now don't do sizing of clothes according to real size now more based on the vanity we have called vanity sizing go figure...http://www.coolaid.orgCapital One sure has become huge on the TV circuit eh? So many shows are using them as giving out capital one cards. That has to say alot about the bank companyDon't ya just love the defense attorney named Jeo Lawless? LOL that cracks me uphttp://cnn.com/nancygrace"I USED TO LOVE HER" song from GUNS & ROSES is getting alot of TV time right now as it was on the barbers computer. God give the man a freakin break.Harsh Jerry Lewis had a heart attack. He is wished wellJune 14/06- Sweetinghams blog was following Susan Polk's Trial as we now know she was found guilty.http://www.broombusters.org http://tbshumourstudy.com.comxnophobic(movie hostel)I'm into the show, so you think you can dance. Nigel drives me crazy. But I really get emotionally into the dancing. I get teary eyed. I danced Jazz when younger. I wish I could get a partner to go to couple dancing & I still want to try pole dancing. I'm also watching Last Comic Standing. God I love stand up comedy. I especially love female comics. Fear Factor is all new right now too!If you haven't tried the Uncle Ben's Fast & Fancy Microwavable rice-Try it! My fave is oriental-2 mins and it is done and ready I love it!!!Do you think it is possible to have an aura that makes people turn angry & Cold around you?Does anyone out there actually watch Hell's Kitchen? The Commercials already have me loathing the man. I refuse to give a man like that any of my time. I don't think you should either!!!! He can choke on it as far as I am concerned!!!!Poor Hammy, Criss Angel's Cat who levitates. Ya know this episode with the monkey and elephants and birds Criss does not seem like himself. I feel a sadness around him. Like it's all around him. He seems to be trying to push through but I sense it deeply. I doubt he reads my blogs, but if he does: CRISS ANGEL I LOVE BEING MINDFREAKED & I HOPE WHATEVER IT IS YOU GET THROUGH IT!!! *HUGS*I love MAD DOG(EXCON) He talks to men going down a bad path. How jail life is. He is a hard ass & they need him. I believe he also talks to troubled teens on Maury I'd love to ask him a few questions myself!http://www.couponbug.com cry me a river-Justin TimerlakeMoonlight Bunny Ranch-Darren Mack was spotted atLike I said earlier Susan Polk Guilty of second degree murder. Jusry deliberated for 4 days. She asked for a state public defender wants to appeal. Faces 16 yrs to life.Duke rape case is loosing steam & support for the victim.What do you do when all you want to do is cry? When you have no one you can cinfide in and feel safe enough to tell everything to? What do you do when all you feel is dead inside & you can't talk about it? What do you do when there is things going on in your head that are disturbing about someone but there's just no way you can tell anyone because it could lead to trouble? How do you deal with a world that is crumbling down around you? How do you live when you feel like your thoughts your feelings are not worthy of space in the world? That to cry only is seen as a manipulation? Like silence is all that matters but even then you are a bitch? How do you know how to be?Rainforest Reptile Refuse Surrey BC Paul Springat has not taken a day off in 3 yrs. Yikes he can have them. However I would love to have an iguana!James Hicks was 600lbs lost weight from Dr.Phils Book. Did a triathalonTook Phil to Clinic yesterday16th his side has been hurting for days. Dr thinks he has bruised muscles. He never told her about constipation issues though I got him to ice it and use heating pad though which helped a bit! Have called Michael every day for a week and not reached him & he hasn't called back either. Nice to know if something happened to the girls he would be so damn easy to reach. Man that PISSES me off!!!What upsets me too is when Phil gets mad at me for not talking to him. Yet when I do talk to him I irritate him and he makes me feel stupid. If I cry I am trying to manipulate him. I talk about things he doesn't care about. I'm always feeling so stupid & ALONE!http://www.lifemates.com http://www.truthdutyvalour.ca http://www.mrchristie.ca http://www.isafe.org Watching a documentary on gastric bypass surgery. My first 8 weeks were hell only I think because I got the superbug at the same time. Alot of other people were fat all their lives I wasn't, I was not super thin but was thin enough. I only gained weight after having kids & then I ballooned up to 330lbs. Surgery I lost 191pounds. It's not easy, it's not a magic tool. It took me a couple years to be able to eat & look like I am eating almost normally. Phil finishes most of my meals for me. You really do miss your best friend, you don't realize ubtil you can't eat like you could that food was such a best friend. You don't realize how often the way you eat and drink comes up either! I have ended up anemic, I do have osteoarthrtis in my spine, but still I would do it again. Before surgery my thyroid became low, my asthma was real bad, I was getting pneumonia, I was borderline diabetic, I was still tired always, never full, this gave me some ability back!Finally talked to Michael, amazing. He frustrates me to no end. His mommy and daddy always make sure he doesn't go without, he has the best of everything but if it comes to making sure I have what I need for his kids it's always like pulling teeth. We definetly do not get along, we speak because we have kids and for no other reason!http://www.procedetv.com http://www.911seniors.com/868 (lifealert-I need this)What is it that is going on with asking Korea not to fire off missiles?http://www.stickupbulb.com Stays cool & non shatters 19.99 looks pretty cool & you also get the owl light with it.Am I the only person in this world truly afraid of midgets? Phil thinks it's funny. I DO NOt! tHEY REALLY AND TRULY DO SCARE me-is this a fear with a medical term?June 21- New rules on myspace.com- really don't see these new rules doing alot to change things and working but we shall see. At least it is a step in the right direction!http://www.headandshoulders.com http://www.biggulp.com http://www.stridegum.comAmerica's Got Talent- My favorites so Far are: I LOVE LOVE LOVE Bobby Badfingers, At Last, Sydney"The Kid" Park, Uhm Interesting but not a fave but putting him here anyhow cause I loved Hasselhoffs reaction lol is The World's Oldest Stripper Bernie Barker, Alexis Jordan, Kevin Spencer who is a ventriliquist with Clyde & Matilda, Kathy Kavanaugh(harpest they voted her off), Vladmir Michikin (sp?)), Nathan Burton(magician)), on the side about Holy Cow lol, Migel missed his last name juggler.My 10 pics for Big Brother 7 all stars are: Season 2- Will, Season 3-Lisa, Marcellas, Danielle, Season 4-Erika, Alison, Season 5-Jase, Season 6-Howie, Ivette, JamesIs it true Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman are getting married?Darren Mack is the all time biggest idiot taking out his wife and trying to take out the judge the way he did hello FBI top 10 fugitive, see ya on the other side!Phil has been pretty angry lately even going so far as to spit when he is angry. He seems to enjoy fighting with me alot It leaves me always unsure of what to say or do. He says he is not leaving me on one side of his mouth & asking me if I am trying to make him leave on the other. I just don't want to fight but love him. Things are hard right now and the kids leaving is hard and I think we're really struggling because of that.Well gotta love that 3 fugitives are on the loose: Callahn, Messer and Byes.K not sure what I wrote here but here it is:Ld Dr.Roy Berkowitz-Shelton is changing to femaleJeff Gardere-Psychologisthttp://www.babycenter.com http://www.msnbc.com My bad boss Contest http://www.workingamerica.orgSome guy threw out his car window thousands of dollars. Damn where am I when this stuff happens? I believe it is in the UKGreyhound is talking about shutting down some sites & buses here on vancouver island. What a load of crap that is!BC FERRIES is upping their prices again, I wish they would go to bloody hell!http://www.vicauctions.com http://cca.kids.com http://www.venus.uvic.ca Canada is changing the age of consent for sex to age 16, all aspects including touching ect. There is however a 5 yr clause. I would like that clause to be less than 5 yrs!http://cfpsa.canex.com Support our troopsGot Phil 3 more transformers for Fathers Day. 2 Beast Wars 10th Edition & Scionwho is an alternator van looking thing. We need 1 more of the beast wars 10th edition. DINOBOT to finish building my guy TANS MUAT. He is so cute, but to build him you have to get all the beast wars 10th edition transformers his last piece is his arm and he will be so greatful to have his arm Unfortanetly we have yet to have seen dinobot in any of the storesThe Stanley Cup was here on the island this weekend I wanted to go see it but Phil said no so we didn'tPhil says I am not allowed to predict hockey games anymore cause I am always right. I predicted Vancouver would loose the stanley Cup and they did and the same the night Edmonton played and they did. Days before even I predicted it. Sorry boys! Phil swears up and down Edmonton got paid to loose the cup!!!Harsh the show 99MOST BIZARRE now that is a show to watch wow...http://www.goodnews.comI really got into that movie Dead Awake on TV the other night but sedatives kicked in and I fell asleep It stars Steven Baldwin. I want to see it again.I don't think it is right that people should be able to profit from death. Like paying for funerals ect. Everyone dies and people get torn up and destroyed by it. It's just not right to get money from that!Had an experience with a commissionaire at Mayfair mall the other day, The security guard there I believe was harassing these 3 people. Even hitting on the one girl with the 2 guys with them. I did not see anything they did to deserve the action he took towards them. When I complained to Phil he stepped in and asked why he was harassing them and they laid their hands on Phil in front of my kids. Which was harshly upsetting to them and to me. Apparently this one commissionaire has harrassed these 3 before and God the guy even followed them beyond mall property, it clearly was an abuse of power. I did call the head office and complain. But it is security officers like that, that give others a bad name! Clearly he should not be doing security, at least not there!!!! I do have to say the guard he called for back up did seem to take awhile to get there and when he was there looked like he did not want to be there. Just my observation.This week is the new trial of Andrea Yates. She is the mother accused of and convicted of killing her 5 children by drowning them in a tub. She asked to be put in a mental ward during the case happily the judge said no. She is claiming mental illness. I am a huge huge huge supporter of mental illness and Lord knows Phil and I one of our hugest fights is about mental illness especially when it comes to women because he thinks we women use it as an excuse and men are bad women are just ill. I can't get him to see it any other way. Regardless I know alot of people men included who yes I have said I don't see why they are jailed and no jail is not where they belong. I have payed very close attention to mental illnesses and cases involving them and I think Phil has somewhat of a point that women get mental illness easier than men but still... In this case I do not find that she was mentally ill. I really do believe she was guilty of murder and she knew what she was doing and that saying it was not her in her right mind is a load of BS. I'm sorry but on this rare occasion I am on the side of the prosecution.June 23-Cried last night cause I was missing DJ. You know what I do love about having teens? More intellectual conversations. I miss some of the talks I was able to have with DJ. I'll miss those talks with Mary. It'll probably be a long while before my youngest and I can talk like that I don't really open up to anyone else anymore. Don't keep in touch with anyone anymore. Probably why some of my blogs are so long winded. *sigh* However what I hate about teens is their obnoxious, hurtful, cruel words & self-centerednessYUCK-BASEBALLS BEST BURGER: 1/4 pound Hamburger Patty, sliced cheese, 4 strips of bacon in between lightly browned sliced crispy creme donut(can we say heart attack on a bun)I want to make a suggestion to the makers and judges of America's got talent: NO PUSHING THE OTHER JUDGES BUZZERS!!!!!Book: You-The Owners Manual Brainage is selling in huge numbers believe it is made by nintendohttp://www.abcnews.com God it is getting upsetting to me at least once a week now I get a new big bruise somewhere. I am falling alot, tired alot, dizzy alot, & bruising alot, and my skin is always peeling which leaves me picking more, so always have fresh new sores My mouth is chronically dry. My gums are going purple & looking like a couple places are growing absesses & in horrible agonizing pain as I have 2 very broken molarsGuys can drink more alchol than women because they have an extra enzyme in their stomach than women that absorbs part of the alcohol.Rimonabent been tested for weight control. Europe just approved it. USA so far has not. Apparently works very well. Book- Myths, Lies & Downright StupidityNot to bad a movie I watched- The Perfect HusbandYa know I can't help feeling sadness for Jeffrey Dahmer and his family. I really think he needed psychiatric help.Procede use once every 90 days. http://procededtv.comAeron Spelling died at age 83 he will truly be sadly missed. 1-800-petmeds.comDepression in cats? http://www.nobelsmile.com http://www.overstock.com http://www.cancerrecovery.com Another good movie: Past Tense http://www.keep-exploring.ca http://www.vonage.com The Rainbow Gathering in Pedro, Florida USA sounds interestingWow Natasha Ryan letting people think she was dead and now takingmoney now that she is alive and walked into court to show it. What a stuck up self centered, deceptive little BITCH! I cannot believe she let her parents believe she was dead for all those years. They grieved her, mourned her. All along she was living with her sister's ex boyfriend that is just sick! The search costed itself over half a million dollars & she has never publicly apologized.I think it's obvious Allan Quin the Con Man did so very muchto help catch Leonard Fraser, he deserves something!http://www.stjude.tvTo parents who are unsure about vaccinating their children, STP IT!!!! Our children can be healthier. The childhood vaccinations could keep them alive. My son was too young to have his 1st ones and got whooping cough & it almost cost him his life at 3weeks. In england right now babies and young kids arebecoming very ill due to measles. Why? Because their parents chose to forego the vaccinations. It shouldn't take a large outbreak for people to rethink that.Even our cats the feline leukemia and rabies are optional additional shots but I wouldn't think of not adding them.http://www.cancercenter.com http://www.wtbs.com http://www.rcmusic.ca What is with so many guys wanting to video tape sac sessions with women they are sleeping with? Have you ever noticed how you quite often see a guy walking down a street with a pizza box & many times eating from it, but never see a woman doing the same? Just one of those things that make you go hmmmmmmm....I love feel good stories & stories that prove there is still people with good hearts in this world. The Dateline Story "Rescue On Top Of The World" A rescue at Mount Everest made me cry happy tears, seeing Lincoln Hall saved while 3 others gave up making it to the summit. Those who passed him saying they did not know how to speak English should be ashamed very ashamed as we know they did. Karma will come to those people. Dan is a living breathing angelI am so glad I live in a country that does not believe in the death penalty. Everytime I see a show about someone put to death it makes me cry. IT IS SO WRONG!!!!! I do have to say I love NANNY 911 but the nanny I adore and love is NANNY DEB! She is much stronger & Hard but fun. I adore her! June 26- 4 more days in my count down WIFE SWAP is not a show I can tolerate often but omg this show I LOVE BELLA & I want her husband KENNY, good God he is the dream man. His hair his body his way of thinking He treats Bella like a Queen. He even has the kids love her like a queen wow he is so perfect! Makes me think a little harder about the lifestyles of the wicca.I hate the blonde bitch Bella switched with but she is well suited for her asshole husband! Bella & Kenny Thompson WOW!I do have to say Kenny breaking the plate shocked me. I hope they didn't change too drastically cause Kenny was alright by me and so was Bella. They rock!Oh I wanna go see Lady In the WaterTalked on the phone with Doug tonight first time in a long long long long time about a half hour conversation. I did talk it over with Phil first. I go over everything with Phil first. I feel unsure and scared that I will piss him off if I don't check with him first and I don't want to do that, I feel like he feels stressed enough right now and I don't want to do anything more to add to that. So now am all updated oh except still in pain with teeth.Phil did force me to go to dr today because I have a painful infection on my chest so painful I had a hard time getting to sit up today so reluctantly agreed to go. It's a pretty bad infection I got some meds, so hopefully will get better now. Laterz....

Playing Catchup, Somewhat Pointform

Saw the Omen last night despite my trying to tell Phil he could not afford it. Was ok but not as good as I expected which pissed Phil off cause I have become somewhat of a hardlined critic in the way of film. I think too much red was in the film, a little drawn out and a little predictable. What was with the rotweilers?
My depression seems to have subsided somewhat, I have gone from feeling like death to feeling pretty much just numb and like you could prick me and I would feel nothing. Which is a feeling I have grown to love. To not feel is a feeling I live for. Still it hits me every now and again that my son is not here. Miss thing rubs it in how she accomplished making him leave. She takes full credit for making him realize he didn't want to live here and she is telling anyone she can she thinks he will hear from anything she can to make sure his continued hate of me grows. So I am sure I will hear from him long time to huh NEVER AGAIN! She now vows to have Phil and my youngest turn on me as well and she is doing a damn good job of it. She is really good at hitting their weak spots and just plugging away at them. I try not to fall into the game but every once in awhile I break down and cry. I am only human. I am so tired of being called a pill popper. Part of me wants to just stop taking my meds. Screw the fact I get suicidal and cut myself, screw the fact my thoughts race and I am oversexed, screw the fact I make very irrational thoughts at least I wouldn not be on meds and no one could call me a pill popper!!!! I HATE THIS SHIT!!!! They had taken me off my zopiclone but I went days without sleeping and finally went and bought over the counter sleeping pills and took a bunch to finally sleep so they finally put me back on the zopiclone. However they lowered my nighttime dose of seroquel. But my thoughts are beginning to race at night again so it may still have to go up. The seroquel I have to say is seeming to work except mid afternoon the 50mg is not enough to keep my excited moments down. The morning and evening is perect though so I think I am getting really close to a perfect dose, not yet though. But like I said the pill popper crapper has me sometimes considering stopping it all and flushing it all.
I am almost caught up on laundry but pain in back is so bad and codiene is doing nothing does anyone take anything for osteoarthrtis that actually works. I have tried so many meds and gave up. I stopped asking for pain killers because they were useless in helping. Celebrex a joke, and the few others like that didn't work. T3's don't work. I know there is another one napricin or something like that did not work either:(
Oh before I forget hell yeah I called it that it was Steve before they showed his face on Days how bout that? I am so fricken excited. Now we need Shane and Kim whew hoo Kayla and Steve I am so fricken excited!!!
Oh if someone said something very disturbing in a fight that could be dangerous and harmful how would you deal with that? If they later explained it away but something in your gut felt sick about it and made you still wonder what would you do, how would you deal? If a friend asked you how to deal with her boyfriend who seems to be trying to push her away and doing all he can to get her to dump him, but he insists he loves her and that is just not the case, what would you tell her? How do you help her deal with him making her feel more and more like he is doing all he can to make him leave and always asking her if that is what she wants is for him to leave? How does she deal with the inkling he might be cheating but no real evidence of it?
How do you help a friend who is have triggers and becoming violent where they weren't physically violent before and are having questionable blackouts? I looked up a disorder called intermitten explosive disorder it sounds alot like what this person is experiencing. Oddly enough it reminded me of my dad and brother when I was growing up. I have a hard time with that because I am more apt to be violent to myself so I am not sure how to help people who are violent to others. However I have a tongue of swords that is the only way I strike out and I always gold a grudge like a true scorpio!!!!
Ok so the rest is pointform thoughts I have been writing down and sites just random thoguhts and things:
I am interested in learning more about a foundation called Girls Best Friend
DBT http://www.behaviouraltech.com Marcha Linehan Interested in International Dyslexia Foundation
http://thatswhack.ca Cathi Griffith http://www.offthedlist.com Oh I am so psyched to watch Big Brother this summer, I do every summer Congrats late to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie on your baby girl Want to read Book God's Banker http://www.homeagainpets.com OMG I so hate those stupid MAN'S LAW Commercials http://gethuman.com this site helps you skip robots on the phone whew hoo:) Nancy Weler-Investigative Psychic is very good if anyone is interested look her up A good foundation is the Steve Nash Foundation Hmmm I have written down Jeff McBride (Musician?) I was very interested in hearing what Brook Fox had to say about Albinoism like they are not evil and do not shoot radars out of their eyes:) By the way I thought she was very beautiful:) http://www.weatherplus.com http://www.driveok.com I am very curious about the VIDOQ SOCIETY(Limited to 82 members) look at unsolved homiceds is what I wrote here but yeah I am have my curiosity piqued about this society I wanna know more http://glenbeck.com he'll let you enter your weight here & put it on your site you can do this! http://discovery.com/deadliestcatch
I HAVE TO SAY I FRICKEN LOVE CRISS ANGEL I LOVE THE NEW SEASON I WANT CRISS I WANNA BE YOUR MANEQUIN OMG VRISS YOU SO ROCK BABY I WANNA BE MINDFREAKED!!! I HAD A DREAM HE CAME MINDFREAKED ME AND GAVE ME A AUTOGRAPH SAYING I HAVE BEEN MINDFREAKED BY CRISS ANGEL LOVE YOU ANGELA LOVE CRISSOMFG I LOVE CRISS I AM THINKIN I MIGHT GET THE A TATOO WHEWHOO!!!
http://shortstaturedadults.org http://www.rickhanson.com http://findmystory.com http://www.advair.com
Wanna read the book- if loving you is wrong Musclisim-reading someone by their muscle reactions Not sure if this is spelt right Houstrinism?
I wanna see the true story of Chris Gardner played by Will Smith and his son called The Pursuit of Happiness
I wanna know more about Priory Of Sion (ps)(Grandmasters)
Books I wanna Read- H.A.L.O., Holy Blood Holy Grail, & The Da Vinci Code By Dan Brown
Did you hear about the judge who let a guy not do jail time because he was 5'1" and would not be able to survive prison life after he sexually assaulted a 2 yr old he got 4 mos electronic monitoring 10 yrs probation in Nebraska. Same Judge gave a cow thief 8 yrs in jail. INSANITY!!!!
I was starting to like new show on msn but Glen Beck ticked me off when he put down a guy in canada saying he could live in his ice & ice. Uhm there is no ice where I live. I think Glen needs to make a trip up to canada. Come up here buddy get some geography in your pants. Be intelligent when you speak to us canadians and I was liking you damn it!!!!
A short film to watch Baghdad ER, some harsh reality!
I found a couple shows showing us Dr.Helen Morrison(Profiler) & Dr.Kris Mohandie (Forensic Psychologist) were compelling good specialists hard jobs. I envy the profilers, cool job. I'd love to shadow one. I saw a show on Macek Richard I don't think it was a surprise he killed himself after a yr in jail in fact I said it before the show did. He was not going to last in there he should have been on suicide watch.
http://follicare.com
Congrats to annanicole who seems to not just be doing well in court and I have to say when it comes to court I am on her side but also congrats girl your preggers and you seem to happy. Check her out: http://www.annanicole.com
ok that is all my notes am all caught up and need to finish laundry, so laters. Oh I got 3 weeks to go before my place gets even quieter, sigh more to get sad about:(

People Can Be Such Spazes

Ya know the whole purpose of a blog is so people can vent and be able to do that in absense of maybe doing something destructive. I take my meds religiously. I see my psychiatrist every week in fact I see my counsellor tomorrow. We're going to look at maybe changing my meds around a bit more again.
Ya know most people at some point in their life will utter I wish you were dead, I wish I were dead, I hope you die, God just kill me now. All things you hear from time to time, should we take all those things seriously and lock them up or when I teen says I hate my mom I wish she were dead should we lock them up like OMG they might do it. Rest assured too if I were going to even attempt it I sure as hell would not be announcing it to the world.
Yes I am hurting and aching and I feel so so so dead inside. My whole world is crumbling apart and each day it gets harder.I miss my son and he is just breaking my heart.
Life has to go on though right???
We didn't go see The DaVinci Code yet but plan to go next week.
Man I can't be on here long I have a migraine that just won't quit. But Felt compelled to tell people to give their head a shake. Blogging is my way to be angry and vent and feel safe just because I say something doesn't make it true, it's that thought for that moment.
Go do some research on Bipolar and get a grip!!!

Having a Bad Day

Well the stupid worthless me is pretty much that right now taking my meds I thought I was getting better but I been crying for about 5 hours now on and off. I can't stop and when I do I start crying harder. I'm in one of those zones where I can't handle having any noise or people or anything distracting around me cause it gets me irritated and angry and makes me want to scream and cry that much harder and makes me want to puke. Right now I am at the highest point where I am at the point where I want to puke, yep been dry heaving. Why can't I be normal like everyone else? I am so sick of this up and down yo yo. How many more switching of meds will it take?
I miss my son I ache so badly I mean I just feel so dead inside. He's right I am stupid, I am worthless, I do take too many meds. I am so sick all the time. Fuck I have a bruise on my arm all down my forearm from a fall in my room, a big bruise on my leg from falling down the stairs AGAIN bringing his comp down the stairs. Seems like if anyone touches me a little harder than normal I bruise. What kid wants a mother that worthless and weak?
He came & threw the keys at me and told me he was through with me & my whole family forever. Then left a message today on the phone saying the stuff I dropped off today he was throwing in the garbage never to contact him again he hates me I am DEAD to him *can't breathe crying so hard can barely see*. So if I did die or I commited suicide he really wouldn't care now would he cause I already am dead to him.
I told Phil I am sure if I were dying my sister would probably tell me to close my eyes and go, my mom would say it's okay to let go, not sure my dad would say anything and pretty sure my brother wouldn't be around not sure my sister would either. I really don't believe it would affect anyone. Girls would be great and in good hands with their dad and grandma and grandpa. I have made sure they all know I don't want to be ressucitated, or kept on a machine. I only want to donate blood, major organs, no skin or eyes and pretty sure I wouldn't be a viable donor. I want to be creamated. Do not want to be kept alive on a machine.
On a good note my granny is home. My mom babysits her now.
We took the cats in for shots the times there were written down wrong and Phil flipped out because they couldn't fit them in so we have to go back in. I asked him to please calm down. Yelling was not going to accomplish anything. I did tell them though that it was crap considering two or 3 calls were made to make sure of the time. I also asked about getting a discount and they said they would look into it.
I did take Phil out and buy him 3 new transformers at Toys R Us. I bought him 2 of the star wars ones yesterday and 1 of the star wars ones on weds I think it was. We had also gone shopping for groceries and that day I bought the girls each a naughty bunny hat and a shirt. Today I got Mary a new shirt and Sarah a shirt and shorts. We threw out alot of Sarahs old clothes so we have to rebuild the clothes again.
I need fricken new clothes all my clothes are too damn big:(
I have thought about my broher alot mostly because I think of anyone he would understand alot more from DJ's side and he used to be hard on me but my brother has a way of being hard but loving and helping you turn things around. *crying* I really miss my brother and I really miss my son. Life just seems so worthless. I hate life!!!!
Well one of the girls is having a sleep over and they are here in the livingroom so I am off for now. Laterz...
Email from son see Maybe I would be better off dead:
"as for u shut the fuck up im serious i dont want u as my mother or family and i told u this already ur not sumone i can trust and u fucking false accused which is why iv been so fucking depressed in the first place i really hope u do die so when u do everyone sees that im not crying cause i dont give a shit about u or the family so get a life grow up and hopefully die soon!so stop calling and nver write me agian and btw the shit u sent me i threw out cept the phone so have a good life bitch!ps mary can go fucking die and sarah i dont really give a shit about and next time when i tell u i dont want anything dont call meagen and tell her ur gonna drop it off!"

Happy Mothers Day...NOT!!!

Well my psychiatrist has upped my seroquel as she is trying to help me with my excited and loud outburst. This is something my family has always hated and so do my kids and Phil. I resent it when people point it out. I feel like I am being singled out and they use it when it is not that bad. Anyhow she wants me to not just take it at night but during the day to "keep me quiet" something I RESENT! It makes me feel belittled and stupid. I am so tired being labelled mentally ill. Who wants to be labelled like that?
Anyhow to make my week that much better my son turned on me and I got scared and asked him to leave for the weekend. Well he has chosen to have nothing to do with me ever again Disowning me he says. Made sure to tell me that he will be getting his stuff today and will never see me or my family ever again. Doesn't really care what I tell his little sister. My heart is aching. I feel like I have died. Even Phil has been heartbroken over this more so than I ever thought I would ever see. You would think it was his own child he just lost. He's actually just been hard to be around angry and asking me if he is next to be gotten rid of. He is so hurting right now.
On mothers day his mother hurt him by saying how we never gave her a card or money ect and how we were at subway and going to see my family. Huh I have a daughter who we were picking up from respite, going to see my grandmother who is STILL in hospital who I had only saw once and finally decided to see again for only the second time and see mom who was also up there. Was not sure if my son was going to come home that day. Used what I had to not have to cook for my mothers day. Well Phil was so upset he lost it and the guy at subway had to cool him down. Mothers Day to say the least left me most of the day crying and feeling like all I was was a worthless heartache to everyone around me. Really left me wondering what I am here on this earth for.
Soon all I am going to have is one child left. I did not see this coming and I am so lost right now and confused I don't know up from down. I did go out today because just being in the house is painful. Everything is painful. I don't seem to know how to make anyone happy or the right things to do and say.
I thought I was doing it right with my son. All I ever wanted was to make him happy. I wanted to make up for so much pain from when he was little and I have fought so hard for him. I got scared. I don't know where I screwed up. But obviously I can't seem to get it right. I don't blame him I blame me, why would I blame anyone it's always me right?
I do see more and more how my dad was the way he was and why my mom was the way she was. I needed her more than what she gave me on mothers day but she like normal just did "you'll be fine" thing like she always has. I don't hate her for it anymore. I know it's her way of dealing and it's all she knows to do. I know my dad does what he does to protect her because she can't protect herself. I know my brother and I have hated her and been hard on her and I know how hard it is when you are confused and weak inside and you have to depend on stupid pills to make you be somewhat normal. I can see how it made my dad angry he took on alot. Phil too takes on alot. It's hard sometimes. I am thankful some times for him even though I wish sometimes he could be even more understanding than he already is. But I know it's alot to ask.
I am getting through and alot of calling with alot of support daily over hours it seems lately is going on in last week or two so I suppose I have no other choice but to get through. I am glad we were able to get my son where he was and glad the workers and his care has been so easy to talk to and supportive. I just wish this didn't have to be the way things were.
I did cry about missing my brother, of everyone I wanted to reach out and call it was my brother. But I knew there was no point in calling him. I have blown it with him too.
Even Doug I can't reach out to anymore I pretty much ended any reach we had there too and made sure of it so that what Phil and I have would be more assured and strong.
I did talk to Sherri and she helped somewhat but I am sure even she has gotten tired of it over time. I don't blame her.
As for my lump it seems to me to be at about half of what it used to be. Healing up nice where I had cut at it. Wierd though I seem to have an infection that won't clear up exactly opposite of it on the same thigh.
A 3rd Duke Lacrosse Player was charged today in the rape. Not really sure how I feel about him being charged the evidence thus far points to him being innocent, but that's what we have seen for defense.
I am very upset that someone actually kidnapped the pillsbury doughboy was kidnapped in newhampshire and threatened to bake him they even blindfolded him and sent ransom notes everyday. One picture showing him buried to his neck. UMG I was so upset. What is wrong with people? And people label me with mental illness, I would never kidnap a pillsbury doughboy I love him:)
Daniel Biechele was sentenced to 15 years in jail 11 years suspended and 4 years in jail. Apparently he will probably do about 2 yrs. I wanted to cry actually I did cry. I truly believe he deserves no time in jail for this tragic tragic accident. Yes he set of the pyro and yes 100 people so tragically died and I have no doubt they died horrible tragic deaths. But I believe the fire marshal should be held accountable in a HUGE way and I believe the brothers of the club are hugely hugely accountable. I am glad at least they will be going to court but they are not at sole responsability. This is so tragic and is not getting the attention or accountability it deserves. I really am sad for Daniel. My heart is with him and his family.
Anyhow my son just came and got his stuff and that was hard so I am gonna go. Laterz...

You Gotta Love Life...

Well I went to the Mood Disorders Clinic and apparently that was a one time visit which was not what my psychiatrist was hoping for:( Anyhow he went over my meds with me and I'm staying on the topomax, zopiclone, celexa I will now add on seroquel apparently a major tranquilizer. The dr said it will help me slow down my thought process, excitability, among other things I do. So far I have noticed my thoughts are slowing down a little bit. I am also getting more sleep again which was something I had started to loose again. It was a reason zopiclone was added but over time I got used to it and could stay awake through the zopiclone some nights. Not every night but sometimes. So we will see. What upsets me is having to rely on meds to try and be "NORMAL". It's not that people are mentally unstable you hear people say it's that we can't get them to take their meds. Well it's damn hard to always have to take these stupid fricken pills and go in and get them and take them on a clock and explain to people why you need them, or why you do things you do. Not to mention the pills don't FIX everything, they "fix" some things. People pass judgement about what you should and shouldn't be. How that should look. Easy for them because they aren't the one going through it. Do you think we the ones going through it enjoy it?
I am going through a bad bout of skin picking right now, have never found anything to stop that. No one ever talks about it either, no just comment on it and comment in not so nice terms. I read most people who share this problem with me have it with their faces. I thought alot about that and my thought is it's not because we want people to see it. I know I always try hiding it with makeup ect. I think it's that your more likely to get a zit or blotch ect on your face and that's for me how it starts. I hate the look or feel and I think if I just get rid of the swelling or I pick the little patch or scrap it here ect it will look or feel better, of course it looks worse but it's not like that when I am doing it. Not to mention I also do it in my sleep, yeah that's right I do it in my sleep!
As for the lump on my thigh it was really bugging me so I cut it open and released some fluid. Cleaned it up with alcohol and put some guaze on it. Lump is still there but not as big as it was and not as sore.
One of my kids got bronchitis. I knew right away it was not just your normal cold and cough. I knew there would be a prescription with a visit to the doctor and there was.
My grandmother is in the hospital, I was angry that she pretty much spent 2 days in emergency before she finally got a room. Our healthcare in canada is really going downhill. If that was the primeminister or their family they would have gotten better treatment. I am worried about her she is not doing very good. I love both my grandmothers very much and consider myself very lucky to even still have the two of them around at my age. I guess it's in God's hands. I haven't gone up to see her yet because with the throwing up in this house and the coughing I can't risk bringing that up to the hospital. Which kills me cause it makes me feel so helpless. I hope to see her soon though.
I am keeping up with the vitamin C and healthy stuff. Bought lots of cleaners with javex in them and hoping that will help with things.
Anyhow that's it for now I am off....

The World Still Spins

Okay so I tried this once and computer shut me down grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr pissed me off so let me try doing this quick run down style cause I so do not feel like typing it all back out. I am pissed to see the 3 police officers aquitted of beating Frank Jude Jr and hope the black ministers who are asking for it to be relooked at and doing protests continue to look at doing this and more is done. Keep up the fight.
Go Nancy Grace for telling the guy who tried to say money could be a factor in the Duke University Lacrosse team Players rape case has absolutely nothing to do with this at all. I have read what people have said about Nancy Grace go suck a lemon Nancy Grace is hard and strong and gets the work done and we need more women like her. I love her!!!! Another women getting this case out there is Rita Cosby Go woman go. I hate her voice I really do but lately when she is on no one can interrupt me. She has showed the taxi driver alibi Reade Sullivan he called the taxi driver at 12:14 and then went the ATM and got a burger I don't think he did it however I think the other boy may have. I believe she was raped I believe she was drugged. I am astounded they made their 400, 000 bail in cash right then and there. They have had search and seizure a few times now and not taken anything of all that importance. I think this can still blow wide open.
I am astounded Natallee Hollay's mother is not more excited about this boy being arrested in connection to her daughter gone missing in fact she seems more disturbed by it then happy. She seems more intent about the past 3 other guys being brought to justice than someone new. Who happened to apparently have a shirt in connection to Natallee and may have been on security patrol that night but is still to be seen.
4 men and 1 lady were arrested in London ontario canada for shooting 8 men in the motorcycle club called the bandidos all are being charged with 1st degree murder and is being called an 'internal cleansing' of the bandidos. Everyone shot and who shot were in the club. So anyone into that scene might want to keep an eye on that story.
I think the Susan Polk murder case is a joke I cannot believe they are letting her defend herself and letting her question her children the way she has. That lady is a loon and needs to go to get some serious serious help. I don't even know if she knows what day it is. How did she end up with such great kids? well at least a couple great kids? Her husband did not deserve to be stabbed to death.
The case I been curiously watching the sentencing of is Halder apparently he got 196 guilty. He held a 7 hour game of cat and mouse shooting anyone in his site because some guy he thinks erased most of the files on a site that was his becoming livelihood. The students had made a site called haldersucks.org. He was a ibelieve 62yrs old. His reaction was if he had to do it again he'd buy a better gun. OMG buddy. It was at Case Reserve University Ohio. HE had 2 semi Automatics. His Lawyers wanted to plead insanity but he said he was not insane. 3 therapists found him not insane and one found he had personality disorder which apparently and unbeknownst to me is not anyway insane.
I found it a little curious that in all the mens documentaries in their prisons I never saw it being a big issue on the men having self mutilation issues but apparently in HMP Holloway Prison for Women it is a very huge issue. Which makes me curious if it is that way across the board and if so why women and not men? Did you know this prison was once built like a hospital but was really bad so had to be restructured? Interesting eh?
I would like to a documentary that talks soley on how the mind works on munchausen syndrome by proxy. When I watched the case about Kathy Bush and how she was convicted in 1999 of child abuse and munchusuasen syndrome by proxy I was really confused. I didn't see how locking her up was really dealing with the issue at hand. I also did not understand how she had two kids before and never hurt them they were healthy and haooy had great relationships with their mother. It really baffles the mind. It leaves me wanting to understnad it more. But I don't agree with jailing someone. I believe it needs to be dealt with medically. Something isn't right inside if your doing something like that.
I'm sure everyone has heard TIVO lost in a 75 million dollar lawsuit. I'm not sure of the details but I do know alot of people are talking about it.
A story I wish we knew more answers about is Stephen Marshal who is from Canada who died of self inflicted gunshot wound to the head in boston on a bus after killing two pedophiles who were listed on a sex offenders website in maine.
Everyone here has been choked about our gas prices going up again. Up to 1.15 a litre and told it will go up again even more by summer. Said to be caused by some of the USA's relationships with other countries like Iran and wealth of China now.
On yeah Big congradulations goes out to Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes on the birth of their new baby girl Suri.
I am a little curious about this belief in scientology that Tom keeps talking about because John Travolta also believes in it Scientology I don't really know much about it. I only recently learned there is different levels. I am a HUGE Travolta fan I LOVE that man!!! He is hotter all the time!
I like Michael J Fox because he is canadian is was a base brat like me. He even is pictured at EW Norman in North Bay On. with like a shaved head. Apparently was a good kid even then. Anyhow he is apparently a lobbyist for embryonic stemcell research for parkinson's disease. I myself want to know a whole lot more about this before I would say I agree. I just have a hard time saying yes to anything that says embryonic.
Counting down the days till the Davinci Code comes out I cannot wait to see it. I had no interest in seeing it then Entertainment Tonight did a thing on it and it was awesome. I was like OMG I have to see it. I want to know all there is to know. It seems like it is a huge puzzle mystery I love it. Pretty sure it is one of the few films I will buy to have at home.
Phil is taking me to see Silent Hill next week, he tried to take me to a mvie last week but there was nothing I wanted to see everything looked stupid. I did not realize Silent Hill was a video game kinda ruined my want to see it but then DJ found out more info on it and got me reexcited about it. So excited to go see it again.
Who the hell came up with 4/20 being national weed day? What the hell is wrong with people thinking it would be cool if our teens thought that would be a goof proof day to smoke up? Seriously I think this world is going to hell in a handbasket.
I've added a whole bunch more links on my msn space http://spaces.msn.com/yourladyillusions/
Oh you know how much negativity there has been about myspace. I am proud to say because of myspace people are safe today. A school plot was busted 7 years after columbine. 4 Kansas teens were arrested and a 5th was being questioned for planning a school shooting. Youth between 16 and 18 were found to have guns and more. One of the boys apparently revealed the plot to a lady on myspace.com. The school was Riverton, Kansas.
You better believe monday the 24th on A&E I will be watching Ronald Defeo Jr. who after 31yrs, the amittyville killer (made 10 movies about) speaks abput murder. He is serving 25 to life, convicted for killin his family. He now says not just he did the killing.
Does anyone else enjoy watching Bill Kurtis on American Justice? Don't you think the way he tells the story just adds to the program?
I was really sad to see a news story last week in Naniamo BC Canada a local merchant is closing his business because of street people and drug users. All I could think of is those people are given such a bad name, they used to be somebody's baby, no they are somebody's baby and all people want is to see them gotten rid of. It just upsets me so much.
Another woman apparently her and her husband had their car stolen and the guy rode over the woman with her car, how harsh is that?
Not sure if anyone cares but the price of gold apparently is on the uprise right now too:(
Now as for me I got into the mood disorders clinic really quick I go next week. See what that will do. My meds have been upped. I am not getting the tingling as much as I had. I do only take them at night, generally when the kids go to bed.I remember growing up I hated my dad for forcing my mom to do things and yelling at her. I sometimes don't know how Phil deals with it. My moods are so yoyoing. One day I am happy next I am up and down one week I am great, next week I can't be around anyone, or I can be up and down all in one day, it's crazy. Motivation is something I lack alot of.
It's funny out of 3 kids My sister is a spendaholic, I am well bipolar and my brother he has his issues but I would say of the 3 of us is the most normal. My sister would totally disagree and if ya asked us all about how we grew up she would tell a totally different story I don't know it makes me angry. So I try not to think about it. Dad was hardest on my brother and he was angry when younger yet somehow he figured out how to cope as an adult, I however have held alot of anger in and have issues with holding in memories and anger with things that happened to us. My dad used to ask me if I wanted to be like my mother he meant fat, I don't think he meant fat. My mom wasn't dignosed with bipolar until a few years ago. Would I think have meant alot to us if she had been diagnosed when we were growing up. Anyhow we're working on my meds. Am still on topomax and only side effect that is huge is vivid dreams like wow are they vivid. Last week or so alot of bad dreams. Phil has woke me up a few times and calmed me down, today he woke me up and calmed me down. He's not here right now. Just me Sarah and DJ.
Sarah went to Karyn's the other day had chicken and came home super ill. I think she had a bad piece of chicken. Mary went over there so been nice and quiet. DJ had his friend over here and they were so quiet it was not even funny.
I found a hard lump in my upper thigh painful to touch at first I could barely walk. I asked Phil to feel and see if he felt it and he did. Then I was like shit. I looked it up on line and it fits the description of a sebacious cyst and I am not going in and letting a doctor drain it. No fricken thankyou I will suffer. So I been putting a heating pad on it. It's a little less painful but still the lump is there:(
I have bought 3 new transformers for Phil since easter. An Alternator called Sunstreaker that he has been obsessed with getting, a motorcycle called lugnutz and override that we couldn't find at easter. I think he got 5 at easter. It sometimes feels like he really doesn't care how much I care when I go out of my way to get a transformer he wants. There is 2 he wants Primus and some other one. Then he came to me today and said there is 2 other ones he also wants.
I hate that I have always suffered from really hot hands. I put them on something cool only to have them leave marks and need something else to cool them down. Turns out one of my kids now has the same problem. We get it in our feet too. For the last almost year now too I have really bad tightening in my toes, feet and calves likes their curled up and I can't unclench them. I asked the doctor about it once she said it could be the iron deficiency causing it, so never asked again. Sometimes I massage TIGER BALM into them. Once in awhile my hands cramp up too it totally sucks.
Believe it or not I have had all these thoughts written down to try and remember them for my blog. So almost through it all if ya have stayed with me this far I am almost done thank God cause my back is killing me.
I wanted to remember to say I still want to see WolfCreek, Dick & Jane and also Underworld-Revolution. I am intrigued by anything to do with vampires, fallen angels, demons, & reapers always have been. Oddly enough I have a drawing to some part of religious beliefs as well. I believe abortion is the murder of an innocent child. I believe marriage is sacred and should be forever. I believe in the power of prayer. Those religious values stuck with me. I believe adultry is wrong it's against God. I believe in communion and baptism. I have alot of dark thoughts and beliefs but those religious beliefs stuck with me and I believe always will. I don't believe in cloning people I don't believe it is in us to play God.
I am a covergirl makeup girl. I love the lipstick and I intend to get the lash exact.
I want Touched By An Angel to Come Back I love John Dye, Della Reese, & Roma Downey
My last thoughts this house loves Pert Plus shampoo. They told me in hairstyling school that it is the worst stuff for your hair but the oilfree one works great and fresh scent works for everyone else. Phil he sticks to his shampoo Vive Thickening shampoo for men they just need to come out with a conditioner to go with it. If anyone is listening they need an electric razor for men with sensitive skin. Phil has psorisis and can't use an electric razor because it does havoc to his skin. We have to pay rediculous prices for high priced ones just because of his skin. I was gonna buy a new quatro shick for women but 16 dollars for replacement blades not a chance in hell! nope I will stick to my daisyfresh razors thanks! I love my aloe strips:)
Anyhow back is killing me gotta go. Catcha...

Happy Easter

Well Happy Easter everyone hope it was a good one for everyone. Pretty quiet around here. One kid is at my sisters, one kid was up at 4am so we opened baskets with her and then the other was up at 8 am and then he left this afternoon till tomorrow. So been quiet around here. Feels wierd. Good though cause I cannot shake this fricken headache I have had it for days I am sure the tooth problems are a huge part of it:(
Kids liked their baskets. I never did go with Phil to his parents yesterday
because my two oldest stayed home and I didn't want to leave them here alone together and that turned out to be a good thought.
Ya know my whole life there is a few places I have always wanted to go one is new orleans and another is New York City. I still do among a few other places but I keep finding more reasons why I want to go to NYC. Now I want to go to see this tatoo artist Paul Booth his work is fricken incredible http://www.darkimages.com . I would just die to have anything on me from him. If you saw his work you would want it done too. I love tatoos always have but his is some of the best work I have ever seen. I would love to also see a NYC tatoo convention apparently it is just huge.OMG I so wish I had the money to just spend on whatever I wanted. I think tats are beautiful pieces of art walking around. True I have seen some bad ones but when their good their really good. Here's a little stat for you apparently 1 in 10 americans have tatoos and females are the largest growing poulation in getting them. That is very exciting. I am not much into the piercings but I think some are cool. The body modification strange to me and makes me nervous apparently it is done with pieces of teflon. I just can't see that being safe and how do they test to see if you will have a reaction to that? Although it is not up my alley I am hugely an adorer of Erik The LizardMan You so so so have to check him out man http://www.thelizardman.com he actually looks like a lizard with tats, split tongue, body modification, even teeth done.
Oh I do keep a blog and a list of some interesting blogs and some of my fave sites on msn space here: http://spaces.msn.com/yourladyillusions/ I have pictures there too but cannot get to them or even see them anymore, but am told they are still there:(
Phil and I had a little better a day yesterday which was nice. Last week the one bad day we had was just really bad I took his keys and his bag and pushed him out the door and told him I didn't want to see him again till after karate and work. Just needed a cool down period. First time I have done that. I think I was just really also cranky to everyone that day. Some days lately I just feel so on edge. I see my psychiatrist this week and we'll see how things are gonna go with these new meds. Not so sure I can say they are working. My thoughts are all a mess but my moods are changing as quickly as normal. However they are still changing up and down and anxiety is still there:(
Sometimes I think Phil is right sometimes I think God does have a cruel sense of humour.Why are some people so damn perfect and some of us so messed up? He doesn't get why he has to loose his hair and he thinks he is fat and ugly now when he's not but he thinks that is what happens to some men while other men keep their hair and looks. I told him think about us women we have biological clocks, periods, menopause, tits drop, butts drop, babies to carry to deliver, oh and he thinks women can jump out of bed with the perfect hair it falls into place and men have to work at it to make it look good. Grrrrrrrr whatever. That is why we girls have ponytails right?
Speaking of which God or the Girl just came on, we'll see if I watch it or not. Looks kinda interesting.
You know I was shocked yesterday to learn that heroin is the number one drug in white age 16 yr old femalesin middle class family in the usa right now. Years ago it had a 10% purity level now a days you can find at a 50 to 80% level. Which is the apparent reason for the rise in overdoses. It's been said it's easier to buy drugs than alcohol by teens, that is scary coming from the parent of a teen.There is a mother who speaks out about heroin use so that the death of her daughter is not in vain. Her daughters name was Erin Allen. She had gotten clean for 9 mos but one day went for a routine blood test and was triggered to use. Not long after her mother got a call and was told her daughter was in the morgue of a heroin overdose. I find that so scary and so sad. Her mother is so strong and I think it is great she can share her daughters story. Her daughter kept a diary writing to heroin as if it were her best friend which really opens ones eyes to how much this stuff does to you. It takes you over and it only takes once and boom you could be gone. I like what Dr.Lance Gooberman does he does a surgery that costs $3000 US he puts you out and puts in a drug to pull out the heroin from your system, after he watches you go through withdrawl and back to normal he inserts this little pellet which not sure if this is spelled right but is called maltrexon. If you try and take heroin it won't do anything you won't get high it slowly dissolves over a period of months. I guess not everyone believes in it but I say it's something. I would hope in canada something like that would be covered.
I believe we need more help as parents of young and teens because there is not a whole lot out there for us. Not here in canada anyhow. Family Services are more than happy to tell you to put them into the justice system if they get too out of control. Well not every kid needs the justice system, and why does it have to get to that point? If they had more set up and more options for parents and teens then maybe the need for the justice system would not even be in the damn equation. How many parents now a days have had their kids threatened them if you touch me or do whatever is they don't think you should do I will call the poilce or SS? I know there is alot. They do it because they are taught they now have the power and they can threaten adults. In result of that alot of adults have given up. Now not sure how that works around the world but I know in canada it seems to have gone from one extreme when I grew up to the exact opposite extreme.
The other day our cat Storm was driving me insane with his insesant meowing so I told Phil to settle him down as he always seems to for him. Well he did, he had though disappeared I thought he sunk in the bathroom, but when he came down and I asked him where he went he said he had put Storm to bed. Actually took the cat put him in bed and layed with him till he fell asleep and then came back downstairs. I have to say sometime I am a little jealous of Storm and Phil they sometimes seem to have a closer relationship then Phil and I do. How pathetic am I to be jealous of a fricken cat? I should be happy to have someone who loves a cat and is patient like that with a cat.
Since everyone has been stressed and getting sick I been making sure everyone is taking vitamins, I get Phil these new losanges from halls called Halls Oxygen and I also get him the Halls Vitamin C. I also get alot of orange juice and they don't seem to be much into eating the oranges but the apples are getting eaten as well as bananas so I do buy those.
One of my favorite shows I love is called I Detective I like it because I like to see how many answers I can get right and most I do get right. However one show I was think how can you say the murder was premeditated just because there was a gas can in the car? If I were the defense lawyer I would argue that. I admit they definetly murdered the guy up on remote mountain with a gun but just because they had a gas can in thecar does not mean they thought it out ahead of time. Sometimes people do have a gas can in the car as an emergency thing or just to have it. I mean we've talked about having some for when the gas prices go up or if we get stuck somewhere, saying it was in thee for murder is an assumption. But hey that's just my opinion.
Just before the weekend a kid was forced to sit in the corner by a student teacher wearing a cap the teacher made saying DUNCE on it with the class there. The teacher is no longer there. I would have blown up. What the hell is wrong with fricken people? That is not acceptable you do not do that to a kid at school or anywhere else, that shit stays with you, trust me!!!
Ya know I can understand why alot of criminals want to come to canada. Look at Karla Maholka she should still be in jail just like Paul Bernardo. She damn well killed her little sister. She administer the sleeping pills and then the stuff to knock her out. Over the years she could have done something or said something. The police really screwed up that case. There should have been a way to get out of the plea bargain she gave them. She really did get a sweet sweet deal and they know it too. Scary to know she is out there. Although our laws may not be as harsh I do not agree with the death penealty and I don't believe in corporal punishment. But I do think we need to upgrade our system.
There was a guy in Anamosa Penitentiary 2005 in Iowa and I don't know his name and didn't catch all the words but really really loved what he spun out and he called it Concrete & Steel. Anyone know how I could find out who wrote it and the words? I loved it so much. That prison is pretty cool they have a program called S.A.V.E. where victims and their families meet up with the prisoner to deal with the crime that affected them all. I think that could be a very healing program. They showed 2 sets of brothers in Anamosa 1 set are 100% brothers who had guys go after them and one is in for life for killing one with a gun the other is hoping to be parolled in 8 to 10 years for cutting another guy up. The 2 brothers that brought tears to my eyes though were the half brothers they share the same mother. They don't blame her they said she struggled to do what she could and she told them they should have listened to her but they didn't. The one brother has never known his dad was reffered to as a sperm donor apparently he pushed the mother down the stairs when she was 3 mos pregnant and the other brother the dad left when he was 5 and he don't know him and doesn't want to. One is in for first degree robbery one is in for second degree robbery. Anyhow it only made me feel stronger in my convictions about keeping the lines open with my kids about their father. DJ his dad is Bryan and I have told him as much as possible he has always known about him and I always continue to encourage that maybe one day his dad could still be in his life. It's sad you know his family is so wealthy they own a couple of mcdonalds in ontario good catholic family big home on the water and his family has done everything to push him away. Yet I continue to keep the positive face up. He looks just like his dad and I think they have alot in common and I think there is still alot of possability if Bryan ever grows up! Girls their grandparents have always kept close to the girls and Michael he is up and down but he is taking Mary and I think he could really blossom once he has her. They are so alike. Yes I believe parents no matter what and no matter what age should never put down their other parent or tell them they are a result of something bad I have seen what damage that does I see it everyday, why do people just not get it? I did find a cool site of work of prisoners if anyone is interested in that http://www.prisonwall.org
This may piss some people I truly car NOT but I want to say there really needs to be more attention payed to women with post partum depression. I truly believe that the defense lawyer Kutmass felt Heidi Afinson was guilty and did not truly defend her the way she deserved. Pleading Jacobs death was an accident. He needed to plead post partum depression, mental illness, she needed to into hospital. being in jail until she is in her 80's is crap. There is mom's out there that yeah are sick and have killed their kids in cold blood but I honestly in my heart believe she was mentally ill at the time. I am glad the one juror held out in Des Moines IA and there was a hung jury but to have the jury find her guilty of second degree murder in Davensport IA. I know so far her new lawyer hasn't had much luck but I iwsh her lawyer Maggi Moss all the love and luck. For those needing help or more ino on post partum depression this is a great link http://www.postpartum.net/
Anyhow I am sore and tired and it's quiet and I will leave with a couple more things I heard someone say last night this"Don't smoke, don't chew & don't date date girls who do"
I heard earlier today that there is a possible arrest in the Natalie Halloway case a 19yr old with initials GVC? I guess we shall watch to see how that story develops I am sure her mom is thrilled K later....

General Thoughts & Other Facts

Revenge is a dish best served cold. Sicilian proverb a quote Phil and I were discussing the other day for no real reason so why not start out there eh lol?
Oh for those who know not what hydro is, it is that which runs power, electricity and sometimes water. Been waiting all day for the jury to come back on the 3 police officers who beat up Frank Jude Jr.Bartlett, Spangler and Masarik I am sure are on pins and needles waiting for the jury to come back. I figured with the long weekend and easter being sunday they would come back tonight. I guess they still could. I mean they did ask for dinner. So maybe they will get through it. For lunch today the jury had pizza. I do have to question why the other police officers were not charged and taken to court as well, that makes no sense to me.While all this is happening Frank is not even watching the case and only was in court to testify for himself only, because he had parole violation and beat up his mother. Not a cool thing at all. Still he did not deserve to be beat like he was by those police officers. I mean he had a red pen stuck in his eardrum and had his pants cut open with a knife and kicked in the groin with boots, that is some serious problems, he'll be lucky to ever produce!
Ready for easter done all the shopping, hope everyone likes what I got them. I hate being the damn fricken easter bunny.
My skin picking has picked up real bad again. my chin is bad and my one arm sucks I peeled about half of it:( Everyone has been more than a little stressed because of miss perfect. Phil is high strung and his calmness is not so calm last couple weeks but sure he will calm back down. Think we all just need some breathing room. Summer can't get here soon enough.
There's a family in vancouver I feel bad for. They are millionaires and yet all the money in the world can't give them what they want right now. Their son. Apparently 23 yr old Graham Mymnn with no criminal background was pulled from his car.Update he is back and missed a couple of exams and is hoping they will give him a break and let him get them done anyhow. I am relieved to give that update:) Congrats to the family:)
To tell you how wonderful our canadians are, an ontario police officer Elliot went above and beyond the call of duty. A lady from New Jersey had rolled her car when there was snow and had written and asked if when the snow melted if he could go back and look if he could find it. Flashlight in hand he went out and found it in the mud. Now there is a lucky lady and a cop who deserves a pat on the back:)
I'm sure Duke University is probably smiling hoping the exotic dancer will never make it to court with the recent 911 call revealed on TV with the police officer revealing she was drunk and passed out. Apparently there is no DNA match yet either. Well he somehow thought something was wrong because she eded up at the hospital had bruises on her legs and did a rape kit. Apparently her friend who had gone with her had called in from a store a little bit away from the house. Apparently police have tried to talk to and go into the rooms of the lacrosse players but they have not been at all co-operative. Listen just because she is an exotic dancer doesn't make her a guilty you know what!!!!
Lots of Crime going on in the states eh? Jesse Dee Wise is being held for blugeoning and strangling his grandmother and 5 other family members in a small pennesylvania amish town. who does that to their grandmother any why?
Pamela Anderson & Pink are working with PETA on a campaign called Kick the The Bucket which is a campaign again KFC. Now I will post this site but I will not say I am pro against KFC because I happen to like KFC and not sure if stards are different here in cada than in other countries but I cannot help that we in this family do love chicken, steak and roast. So anyhow if it is your thing hey it's your thing and here is the link:
http://www.kentuckyfriedcruelty.com/
I guess everyone has heard about yet another teacher sleeping with her students? Yep and they think she may have even had plotted with one to try to have her husband killed. You have to wonder what is going on with them today. Sharon Rutherford is accused of sleeping with 4 of her students and possibly more. So if you have watched the other stories like this I am sure this one will get alot of publicity.
Was sickened to hear the couple who decieved so many people in the USA saying they were having I think 5 or 6 kids she even gained 40lbs and it turns out she wasn't ever pregnant at all. So far the only charges I know of is stealing by deciet. Yeah hi I know they can come up with more than that.
In Alberta a grade 2 student apparently was attacked when they they went to the bathroom by a guy hiding in there. They say he was black and around 30. That's why I like the buddy system teachers sending kids in 2's it's not a perfect system but it's better than just 1.
Oh yeah I am just full of info today. How about Felix Polk there is a name for ya eh? his wife Susan polk killed him she says "in self defense" She even said she broke the tip of the knife in him. You should see the drawing of all the cuts she put in him and where they all are, no way that was self defense. Not to mention she look liked she was ready to laugh although that could be being hysterical that does happen in traumatic situations.
Apparently Russia will be hosting another round of talks with the USA, European Union and China on the iran nucular program. How come Canada is not going? I don't get it:(
I heard somewhere that the Guardian Angels are coming to Canada that's pretty cool:) http://www.guardianangels.org/
People here in Victoria BC Canada are sad to have seen a lady close down her local small business Shady Creek IceCream. Apparently it was great gourmet homemade icecream.
I hear that Jann Arden and Michael Buble are going to do a concert together, OMG I think my heart would stop I love them both ALOT!
Does anyone knof the roaming gnome for travelocity is the same voice as the guy who now does the new subway commercials the voice sounds so damn much alike I can't get over it.
Ya know I had no interest at all in watching celebrity cooking showdown but then I saw Alison Sweeney is going on there (Sami from Days) I LOVE LOVE LOVE Sami and I can guarantee you I will be front row and center when she is on there. I watched her on Fear Factor too lol and watched him eat a cockroach so she would eat a worm or 2 or 3 lol. She really is a champ!
Oh and I must say last night I was deeply DEEPLy Deeply DEEPLY Disturbed by buddy who made BLADDER BUDDY uhm yeah hello NO no no!!!! That just was not right. He took this thing out that looks kinda like a shower curtain and cape in the same thing and put it on zipped it up relieved himself took it off folded it back up and then showed how it could get fancier and how for women he had a folded up cup kinda thing NO NO NO yuck omg NO! They did dis this one guy who I LOVED with The Therapy Buddy for Adults. I think there could be a couple things changed but great idea 1 don't say to take it places with you. 2 the therapist you use should be the voice used to say whatever it is that works to make you feel better. 3 use your kids/spous/family whatever as well added to it to so add a loved message to it to also remind you its ok and your loved and this time will pass. I would like to have a burgandy or red one. I wanted to cry for him I loved it and if they think I need help because I love his adult therapy buddy screw them!!! The lady with the ediable waterglobes truly sucked this time at her presentation which upset me cause I would love a few of hers they are one of the best ideas I have ever seen it's ingenious. Then the last one my vote is for is The Character Building Buddies I would buy this for any neice nephew godchild ect ect you teach a child about courage, heart ect by stuffing those pieces into this bear as you tell the story. That you know comes from a mom with a lot of love and a good heart I definetly would buy it. Simon Cowell has another great show on his hands I admit I didn't like it but it's growing on me American Inventor I would love to see a canadian one!!!Since everyone loves the sites so much here is a few I picked up
http://greatmealinminutes.com http://www.salaryexpert.com http://covenanthouse.ca http://mylittlepony.com http://www.inspirationpeak.com http://www.ihateclowns.com/ http://www.nestle.ca http://www.mynaturalmatch.ca http://kelloggs.ca http://www.healthservices.gov.bc.ca/waitlist http://www.bewebaware.ca http://dairygoodness.ca http://campbellsoup.ca http://www.bestnewproducts.ca http://www.ronzoni.ca omg the best pasta sauce ever I love it!!!! Except mine and my mom's lol!!! http://dose.ca
I saw on the on the news the other day a very disturburbing story about how a child called 911 and the operator didn't believe him about his mother being sick but when someone did finally go there he was telling the truth she DIED. OMG I would want that operator in so much trouble I couldn't even begin to tell you. Here if a kid calls and its false they will deal with them when they get here. yes it could be taking from time but it can be real and we teach our kids to rely on the system how they can they believe in a system that lets someone down like this kid?
If anyone watches Criminal minds I think it is a really great show. I love that Shemar Moore omg he is so damn hot has stuck with that show and The Young & The Restless as well. I like that at the end there is almost always a quote as well, that is one of my favorite parts of the show and makes it different from the other law shows! I learned on one show Victim means Victima(sacrifice) learned in Victimology.
I caught the end of a show where a lady was mad because she got liposuction and a tummy tuck but didn't catch the rest did anyone else catch it?
Funny thing happened to DJ the other day I was dying laughing, our cat is fixed but every once in awhile he still sprays well he sprayed his bag and DJ was not happy. Thankfully washing it took it out. Was damn hilarious though!!!
Anyhow as you can probably tell my thoughts are all over the place more than normal as of late so I am gonna go for now. I am off for now...

Lots to Say...

Well canada has a new Bill 25 letting the goverment and hydro watch your hydro usage hoping to bust people using it for illigal purposes. I guess on one level that is great but apparently it is going to affect legitimate hydoponic businesses, so not really sure if there is a way they can reword that bill or rework it so it won't affect them.
Also apparently Ontario is putting things like sudafed and other decongestions(sp?) behind the counter because it contains a drug called pseudophedrine which is contained in meth. Uhm ok I think that is going a little far. Which apparently BC and I believe it is alberta is saying we had like 30 mom and pop robberies which is not much. I personally am really pro http://methwatch.ca but give me a break putting this stuff behind the counter.
Parents out there check out this site while I think of it http://www.enough.org/Lighting the way to protect children and families from the dangers of illegal Internet pornography and sexual predators. Dateline did a great story on how alot of kids are becoming predators on http://www.myspace.com so I talked to my son about it and talked to him about how "Matt" the cop brought up facts on there that they may not have thought about, I definetly love the show dateline has to be one show I try never to miss and I have seen all 3 to catch a predator shows. Surprised to see it moving the USA goverment to get involved now though too. Sad it took that much to concern them though!!!
I am interested to watch the show next week on The Return of Jesse James Hollywood.
I like their Mank Blog. Their story on the Jesus Letters By Michael Baigent really has me wanting to investigate further!!! I also want to look at the book The Passover Plot.
You all know how I love CSI I want the video by ObieTrice called SNITCH he did a stint on CSi and it's awesome song and apparently he is Eminems Protege. Kinda cool ya gotta admit and I have to admit I really do like Eminem and I think I recently heard is he getting divorced from his wife AGAIN? I hope not cause that would be such a sad story.
Does anyone know if it is only in canada or not that at DQ they took away the reeces pieces blizzards? I know they used to be in the top 5 blizzards so wtf? They do have the peanut butter cups butter grrrrrrr!!!
Has anyone watched the show Rescue Mediums? They are two women who are very good and I would love to meet. I am always very entranced by their show. Very good and worth checking out. In canada it is on the womens network.
I recently joined a site I am still unsure about just newly joined so we shall see called http://sleepingmommy.com
I also had my kids force me into trying these new hersheys kissables I had 2 and I say YUCK!!!! They are a cheap wanna be M&M!!!!
I had a lady call me about Puggles I so wish I had more money cause it's like someone putting it in front of me and then saying nope ya can't have one they are excellently priced. Her name is Shanda she is in the states and she said I could let people know so here is some info for you to reach her she says she has lots. Check her out. She gave me the price range of $415-750US I live in BC and would cost me $280 to ship here and can be emailed at countrysideskennel@lakewebs.net so if you do have the money I think that is an excellent price and she says she has tons and more to come so what do you have to loose? I do know alot of people wrote me to ask if I had heard anything so there ya go I also had this lady write from Canada and since she is posting in canada I am guessing I can post some of it: http://www.puggle.org I just posted an ad on that site. We like in Sask, and are puggle breeders, live on a farm One female just sold to Vancouver. Shipping isn't that bad... for example $125.00 from Regina to Vancouver which includes the puppy kennel. Our price is $1200.00 plus shipping. Caroline so you can check out that site :) I envy you if you get one :(
I saw this infomercial last night for Yoga Booty Ballet OMFG has anyone actually ordered this thing? I think I would rather go to a pole dancing class which I seriously would like to go to but would love to go with someone to cause I am now having anxiety attacks being around people that I didn't used to have :(
Not sure how to spell his name but I hope I spell it right Josh Manciewietz he is so cool I love listening to his things on dateline, yep dateline again I am telling you it is one of the best show on TV!
Has anyone heard about the blog ward between Jason Garfield and Chris Bliss? Like OMFG so what you two juggle different amount of balls who fricken really cares? Like the whole internet is gonna get online and have a big todo about one juggling 3 or more balls.
So how am I doing on my new meds? Grrr the topomax? not sure if that is how to spell it or not it apparently is making me loud and excitable. I am constantaly being told I am loud and getting excited which eventually does get to a person, makes you feel bad about yourself ya know? Apparently is not helping my wrestless legs either as I am forever rocking them and the heaviness and tinglingling in my fingers I had is completely gone. So not exactly sure what will be done next. I don't want to go off them as I am not violent and I am not out of it and most importantly I AM NOT SICK!!!! OMG Lithium makes me so sick.
Poor Phil lost his wallet, like he was never meant to have that wallet, I bought it for my dad to make him at christmas and he made it with DJ's name so he cut it out and put Phils name and was gonna fix it later but now he has lost it. Guess I will be buying a new one AGAIN and this time will have his name on it and not cut into like last time. Costly when you lose all your ID though. We had to call the police, his work the companies, all ID in there OMG fricken harsh!
In the meantime my wallet broke I been using it not being able to zipper it. I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOo need a new wallet.
Going to Phil's mothers on saturday she does a yearly easter hunt for the kids which my kids love. This year Colin will be there and my kids love Colin and JC they think they are hilarious and fun. Little apprehensive with all the problems Phil and I have had I feel kind of out of place again. Feel unwanted and unliked but I guess I should be used to that.
Does anyone know if cats have feelings? Cause Casper has gotten really fat and Phil insists his feelings are getting hurt by only being called fat ass by everyone. Today when someone told them they loved him but he is really fat he got down off the chair and ate when they left he got back up on the chair and slept. I was like hmmmm maybe it is hurting his feelings. But how do you know? I mean he's a cat*sigh*
Oh Does anyone know how to authenticate a David Beckham apparently autographed picture? I would have thought there has to be a certificate of authenticity. I really would have to hate to pay again to authenticate it. But anyone could have just signed it for crying out loud right? I am talking about the soccer player.
Oh my mother pisses me off. She is taking me daughter away this summer for a couple weeks and I can barely afford crap as it is and she expects me to get her a whole new fricken wardrobe and then some for when they go. Screw that. I have alot more things to think about.
At least things are not as hecktic as they were and alot of plans are now in place and supports and I feel better about that.
Phil and I are talking more. I just wish he hadn't gotten himself in the situation he has. But I guess we all go through those periods in our life.
Teeth are hurting more and more, my one tooth has broken AGAIN not sure how it is still staying in my mouth but it does hurt :(
Anyhow think I have talked people bored so am off for now....