Life Is Going...

Well I had dinner with Phil and his parents. I made steak and mashed potatoes, corn and bread. Also made salad and Mary made chocolate cake. It went fairly well. One thing that kinda of upset me is his mother had said when we talked"that's why we thought maybe it wouldn't be a good idea to be together right now because you both have alot of backage, with time maybe it could work..." That is the one sentence that went on over and over and over in my head. I shouldn't be surprised Phil has told me his family has thought we shouldn't be together and I know my family did like him until I sent Mary to live with my brother. Yeah both of us have had alot of crap happen to us and it has triggered some things with us at times, but I also think going through stuff has helped us understand one another more. Well it has since I stopped using my anger towards him and started to deal with my stuff the way I should have dealt with it to begin with. Counselling individually has done us both a world of good. I love Phil so much and I want to be there for him while he finally deals with things he has tried so long to forget. I am so relieved the other night he got into a car accident. A dog came out onto the road and startled him and he broke two tires of the work vehicle. So they took him off mobile. I was choked because he did not deserve that decision by his work. They had another guy wrap a car around a pole to avoid a cat and he is still driving. So what the hell is that?
Anyhow dinner went well. We played cards after and then his mom was tired so they didn't stay too too long. I explained to them how I had never had anyones family over to my place for dinner before and that my family keeps away from one another because everyone hates everyone and lives to make one anothers lives a living hell. Phils mother said that was really sad. It is sad but everyone knows it. After 10 yrs a friend who found me first question to me was "no offense but is your mother still a bitch?". What does that tell you?
Anyhow Mary is having some problems with friends. One friend who i refuse to let her hang around with because she is bad to the core and her parents have no control over her and even the teachers and community people I talked to say she is violent and out of control. Anyhow she is trying to cause problems for Mary and I want to help her but she told me to stay out of it she has to deal with it. It kills me because I am unsure what a parent should and shouldn't do when it comes to kids and their friendships. All I know I can do is do all I can to keep her from the problem ones.
I shaved Phil again today, completely shaved him. He is so cute he was very trusting and when I asked if he was nervous he said if he tensed up that would just be when I cut him. So I did shave him but he said if I cut him I would never shave him again:) I like shaving him now I used to try to avoid it because his hair never really bothered me but I see how happy it makes him so I guess I will do it now and do it regularly. I do admit after using his shaver as compared to mine like I did before much cleaner shave wow. I wanna get a mach 3 now. After we took pics of him, allllll of him:) He is so sexy fine. He is not body shy at all however he yelled when he thought his pics showed him being fat and arms alot smaller than they used to be. Why can't he just love himself for who he is? He is gorgeous and sexy and I adore every part of him. I just wish he could.
My ex wrote me a nsty email today he is late in paying child support and he got real nasty about it. He thinks other people can help out if I need it. He always gets everything he wants and needs from mommy and daddy and so he thinks the world should work that way. I hate asking anyone for anything. It kills me to ask for anything. I am a mother and an adult and I should not have to depend on anyone but myself. I have screwed up enough in my life I don't need to drag others into it ya know? After Michael's nasty message which was by the way a response to my email I had sent him suggesting something that might simplfy things for both of us which is varying the order but he doesn't want to do that because he gets taxes for the order in place now. Anyhow his response was nasty so I wrote this back:
"nice message Michael. You don't have to be rude. Why is it your nicer when your single? I am thinking of our kids and the things coming up for them and it is not anyone elses responsability to be responsible for them but you and me. I am not going to fight with you. I have done enough fighting in my life. I was not trying to be mean I was suggesting something that might make it easier for you. So chill out"
I so wish I had never had kids with him. He and I only ever stayed together because sex was so fantastic. Nothing else worked for us. Yeah we can talk always have been able to until he is in a relationship then it's like he has to hate me for their sake. *tears* I thought he was so hot his long blonde hair, his big blue eyes, at first he treated me like a princess ya know. he was so romantic, but then he hit me and hit me and hit me. I did begin to push him just so the cycle would end and then it would restart. The cycle gets shorter. Everyone tried to get me out, they stood by me and told me to get out but I stopped talking to everyone and I hated them for hating him. He was the father of my girls. In the beginning he would promise never to do it again, buy me roses and cards. Eventully he would tell me I made him do it. He drove me crazy and I figured I had to be doing it because he was so different with everyone else. I was thankful when a few people heard it and saw it and I had witnesses because he always denied it. At the time the police tried to make me charge him but I couldn't do it. Now women have no choice charges are laid and that is a good thing. I was no angel, I did go after him I did call when he left at his parents place I did pull the keys out of the egnition when he was driving, I did alot I was no angel. I think I hope we have changed since then and at times we talk so well still. But other times we love to ahte one another and I wish that we had not had kids together. I wish I had not got fixed wish I had not had a hysterectomy wish I could have had Phils child. I really really wish I could give him thast and it hurts so bad I know he wants that and he has gotten mad I had a hysterectomy I wish I could change it so much, it hurts real bad.
Anyhow enough of Michael. Did people hear today that cadbury recalled their easter cream eggs apparently something to do with plastic being in some of them. Was on CH NEWS tonight. I was like noooooooooooo I always have to have one this time of year. I used to eat alot but they hurt my pouch now:(The Canadian Food Inspection Agency was on it. So sucks :(
Does anyone have kids in their house that makes their toilet and sinks always clog up? My toilet is forever clogged and if anyone has any ideas how to allieviate that I will fricken love you FOREVER!
Oh if anyone is wondering about Doug I am pretty sure I won't be hearing from him again. I partly expected a mean email from him as I wrote him and pretty much told him I love Phil and that he deserves someone to love and give him what I don't. Also told him we have not seen one another in so long I am sure he already is but hope he won't hate me. I did tell him I love him and always will but Phil and I are trying to work things out and I do love Phil and am going to counselling with him so... Pretty sure Doug will just dismiss me not that that changes anything I can't even remember last time I saw him anyhow. I wish him the best. Hard loosing a best friend though. He was always someone I could tell anything to and I can't do that with most.
Having alot of problems with shaw lately, notice alot of emails are not going through to other shaw accounts too so not sure what is going on. Kids are annoyed cause it shuts down constantly:( Has anyone ever noticed with the canadian government that when you owe them money they are so quick to go after it but if they owe you they drag butt?
I got laundry sitting here saying Angela fold me NOW, grrrrr I hate laundry and why do my kids need to use so many towels in such a short period of time?
I am listening to the 80's on channel 421 right now. Gotta love the digital music huh? I have to say a reader of mine wrote me a response to my last post that made me cry. My emotions are kinda all over the place right now. I cried in front of Phil too which was stupid but I do want to respond to it here it is:
Their reply was: "I wish sometimes I could turn into a transformer he spends so much time with those things they are everything to him."-and you aren't? I've been reading your posts and getting to know you a little bit.You talk a lot about cooking/cleaning/chores how about telling me something about who you are outside of a mom/wife.What do you do for fun?Do you have any hobbies?What sort of aspirations (if any) do you have for yourself?On your intrest list you put bdsm,are you a domme or sub or switch?Here is something I tagged for you :
OMG it is gorgeous the pic she sent me I so love it. Thanks DD. in response: No I am not a transformer although some days I really wish I could be wouldn't that be great? For fun not sure I guess I do web surfing, blogging, research, LOVE TO SING (better singing country), listening to music, am thinking of getting back into dancing maybe trying out pole dancing. I can't remember last time I went out with friends. LOL Friends what's that? Thinks last time I saw friends was my friend Doreens christmas party and seeing my best friend Sherri for christmas. My hobbies are research, blogging, I used to do websites for me and the people around me. I do plan to make a transformer one for Phil. I have a strong interest in criminology and sociology so I look at those alot and astrology. I like to take pics alot of PIS:) Aspirations what are those? I wish I could do research or work with criminologists or sociologists from home. I am a domme bottom :) Don't get to practise as it's not something Phil has any interest in :( Thanks so much for the tag I so love it, hope that answers your questions
Oh Total Eclipse of the heart is playing I so love this song:) Love the video too.
Made tuna casserole tonight. Kids complained about it:( I can't remember I made it. I am thinking of maybe having a dinner party one day soon. Invite people over and make a night of it. That is one thing Michael and I did alot was have parties I miss that. Phil's friends seem so perfect though ya know I am so scared I will say or do the wrong thing.
I have to ask would anyone wonder if your seeming to work things out and getting closer and they told you things were going great and what your doing is making a difference and they do love you. Would you question why they make such a big deal about pictures together but not singly? Or would that just be being paranoid? Would it be stupid to feel like crying about it?
We did put our newest camera up for sale on ebay. So far no bids but has 3 days. I had found a cameo I like but she doesn't sell through pay pal. I so want a real gold small black and white cameo I found one close to that and I couldn't get it. I stupidly wanted to cry. I guess I shouldn't get so hung up on something so stupid huh?
We did finally get Phil his dinobot swoop for his transformer collection. He payed a hella lot for it though. But I know how bad he wanted it. Glad he will have it now. He has been watching different ones over weeks and months. So money he made selling his covrered this one pretty much. I guess that is it for now, been babbling long enough oh wait one more thing.
Anyone heard of pingoat? Hmmmm not sure what to think of this place considering they seem to unreasonably and for questionable reasons blacklist people. Would love to know what they base it on. But whatever....
Phil and I also recently joined a new site our urls are http://phillovesangela.multiply.com and mine is http://ladyillusions.multiply.com
Sucks Phil is gone to Cheri's tonight :( but at least we made love this morning:) I guess that will hold me off :)