Life Is On The Up

Isn't it funny how life has such up and downs? I mean life seems so wierd for as of late. I am so feeling on a natural high the last few days. I can't stop smiling. I am not totally out of my funk but definetly have a reason to smile :) I feel good inside.
God I even had a nasty fight with Phil earlier and I still got this feel good feeling inside. I can't shake it. Sure I felt bad for the moment we fought but I am over that moment and feel good again. It's like the sun is coming back around where dark clouds hung over me.
Scared though I will loose this good feeling. I forgot how this felt. Makes me want to cry thinking of loosing this feeling again. I admit I been bad about taking my meds too. I am not thinking as clearly, thoughts are rushing together and I am not being as rashional in my thought process. Pretty much everyone has noticed the days I didn't take my meds. I talk faster, I am rushed I am not my calmer more rational self. I am going to have to take them and I know that.
I got tested the other day for hormone levels the doctor thinks that yes I may be entering early menopause. Which so very much sucks. I don't want to take hormones. Thus why I made her do blood tests. I go back in about a week and a half. It is not something we would be surprised about I had a hysterectomy a few years ago and my mother and grandmothers went into early menopause, so grrrrrr. I do not see though a rational of using horse urine for hormone replacement. My doctor says there is other options so we will discuss it all when I go back in.
I got a rose today from Phil. Which is hilarious cause I had just told Doug about how I am always buying myself flowers because no one ever buys me flowers. Phil is not a romantic type and I have had to learn to accept that. But I was happy to get a beautiful red rose today when he got home from work. He also finally went to see his neice today. I have been on his case to see her on a daily basis. Just bothered me so much that he had not gone to see her. Even had me crying begging him to please go see her. I admit I have not seen her, have seen her beautiful pictures but is still hard for me to be around babies. Phil said he would understand it if I lost my own baby but Alden was not mine. Still I have for the most part moved on in life but those first moments holding babies is still a little hard for me. I imagine it always will be, I imagine more with girls than boys.
I saw DJ on his bday got him McDonalds. Did not see him for very long but was nice to see him for those moments and to buy him that and to see him wearing what I bought him:)
Anyhow pretty happy right now:)
I am also curious those of you out there who are also bi-polar have you done the Myers Briggs Test? In an online support group I am on many of us, most of us have scored as INFP and some ENFP. Oddly enough most of the time I was ENFP but am now INFP. So am curious are there more of you out there? Speak up I am so curious. This is a post I wrote to the group feel free to answer it:
I used to be extremely ENFP but now test INFP as well. It really does beg to wonder if it does have something to do with being BP
I also have a question about meds. Is anyone close to being on the meds I am on? I take 60mg of celexa, 150mg of topimax, 15mg of zopiclone, & 500 mg oferoquel a day. It's broke up throught the day in bubble packs. Now I am having trouble with sleep I am tired sometimes for days then can't sleep for days. They are also testing me for early menopause and want to add me onto hormones and I am concerned about that. Anyone else out there that can tell me if they are in the same prediciment?
Angela
Victoria BC Canada
Before I go once again here is my favorite quotes with some new added ones. I do have to say I been getting alot of quotes from the show "CRIMINAL MINDS" it is one of my favorite parts of the show. I love the show too it rocks but I love the quotes:)Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves. ConfuciusChinese philosopher & reformer (551 BC - 479 BC) It is a fearful thing to love what death can touch.Always remember the last thing you say to people each day. Because what if it happened to be the last thing you ever get to say to them?If I could come back as anything... it would be as one of your tears. How could I want more than to be conceived in your heart, born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lipsRevenge is a dish best served cold. Sicilian proverbThe bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone. 'Harriet Beecher Stowe' " The most beautiful gift you can give somebody is hope. " -Anatole France"when will you learn to look past what you see?" Mary PoppinsThe Best Revenge Is Living WellYou don't love a woman because she is beautiful, she is beautiful because you love her-AnonymousFamily is not an important thing, it's everything. Michael J. Fox Always dream and shoot higher than you know you can do. Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself.-William Faulkner “What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.” - Albert PinesIf there must be trouble let it be in my day, that my child may have peace.-Thomas PaineHe who loves 50 people has 50 woes; he who loves no one has no woes. Buddha Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat. Mother Teresa don't have a boyfriend right now. I'm looking for anyone with a job that I don't have to support. Anna Nicole Smith
Off for now peoples....