Chicken Soup and Heartache

Well I got things sorted out and I went grocery shopping. Bought stuff for my homemade soup. Chicken soup with broccoli, red peppers, cauliflower, chick peas, chicken, barley, mini carrots, sweet peas, celery, zucchini, turnip, mushrooms and corn, of course a mixture of spices and some hot sauce. Can't wait till it is cooked. I love my homemade chicken soup. Bought DJ a wallet he's been bugging for one alot. Got him a keyring holder. Got myself a poodle skirt outfit for halloween. Got Sarah a small ornament unicorn and a unicorn pic frame. Got a german shepard ornament because we have princess:)Got storm a tag that says tuna breathe lol. Got Sarah a small soccer game toy and she chose a pretend metal that says sweetheart on it. I got a blinking hanging skeleton and a skeleton skull with lights around it's head. Some fabric refresher.I got Sarah a gingerbread man from the babkery and also got DJ one. I also got myself and Phil a long john but I will probably give mine to DJ or Phil. DJ had a detention today and has one tomorrow. So no call back from vice principal surprise surprise. Then I bought alot of groceries. lots more soup and meat. Soon we will get our hampers from Chrisco. First year I am getting them. We ordered a complete chicken hamper, a turkey food hamper and a roast beef complete hamper should keep lots of food in here when we get those. Have not heard from Doug since I wrote him about being down and telling him about Phil. He probably hates me doubt I will hear from him again for awhile:( Makes me just wanna die. Phil and I are still leading seperate lives but he doesn't agree, how can 2 people see things so differently? Fuck life sucks shit!!!!

Facts

Would anyone call 2 minutes or less sex? Or a reason to cry? Yeah I pick crying too. Went to the vet got papers to verify that princess has her shots and is fixed. Dropped her papers at housing. Phil got a pin number for his credit card to be used on machines and is stupidly considering getting another credit card fuck not smart. Been living off soup again today. Got intake am going to be starting in a therapy group soon. We're signing Sarah up for skating lessons. She talked to Mary tonight. DJ is grounded right now as apparently he did not go to school today. I was traumatized this morning when I went to shut his bedroom door I was naked and he was hiding in his room and asked me what the hell I was doing. I was like closing your door and you should be at school. Then got a call he never went to school. He says he was I told him the viceprincipal has to call back and verify that until then your grounded. It sucked grounding him:( You entered: Angela Howland There are 13 letters in your name.Those 13 letters total to 54There are 5 vowels and 8 consonants in your name. Your number is: 9 The characteristics of #9 are: Humanitarian, giving nature, selflessness, obligations, creative expression. The expression or destiny for #9:The expression that you exhibit is represented bythe number 9. Your talents center in humanistic interests and approaches. You like to help others as you were intended to be the 'big brother or big sister' type. You operate best when you follow your feelings and sense of compassion, and allow yourself to be sensitive to the needs of others. You work well with people, and have the potential to inspire. This suggests that you could successfully teach or counsel. Creative ability, imagination and artistic talent (often latent) of the highest order are present in this expression. It's possible that you're not using or developing all of these capabilities at this time. Some of your talents may have been used at an earlier time in your life, and some may still be latent. Be aware of your capabilities, so that you can make use of them at appropriate times. If you are able to achieve the potential of your natural expression in this life, you are capable of much human understanding and have a lot to give to others. Your personal ambitions are likely to be maintained in a very positive perspective, never losing sight of an interest in people, and a sympathetic, tolerant, broad-minded and compassionate point of view. You are quite idealistic, and disappointed at the lack of perfection in the world. You have a strong awareness of your own feeling as well as those of others. Friendships, affection, and love are extremely important. Undeveloped or ignored, the negative side of the 9 expression can be very selfish and self-centered. If you do not actively involve yourself with work that benefits others, you may tend to express just the opposite characteristics. It is your role to be very involved with other people and their needs, but it may be difficult for you achieve this role. Aloofness, lack of involvement, and a lack of sensitivity mark the low road of this expression. Your Soul Urge number is: 5 A Soul Urge number of 5 means: The 5 soul urge or motivation would like to follow a life of freedom, excitement, adventure and unexpected happening. The idea of travel and freedom to roam intrigues you. You are very much the adventurer at heart. Not particularly concerned about your future or about getting ahead, you can seem superficial and unmotivated. In a positive sense, the energies of the number 5 make you very adaptable and versatile. You have a natural resourcefulness and enthusiasm that may mark you as a progressive with a good mind and active imagination. You seem to have a natural inclination to be a pace-setter. You are attracted to the unusual and the fast paced. You may be overly restless and impatient at times. You may dislike the routine work that you are engaged in, and tend to jump from activity to activity, without ever finishing anything. You may have difficulty with responsibility. You don't want to be tied down to a relationship, and it may be hard to commit to one person. Your Inner Dream number is: 4 An Inner Dream number of 4 means: You dream of being a very solid citizen that people can depend upon. You strive for organization and predictable order. You want to be recognized as a person with a plan and the discipline to make that plan work like clockwork. You entered: 11/16/1972 Your date of conception was on or about 24 February 1972. You were born on a Thursdayunder the astrological sign Scorpio.Your Life path number is 1.The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2441637.5.The golden number for 1972 is 16.The epact number for 1972 is 14.The year 1972 was a leap year.As of 10/26/2005 12:44:06 AM CDTYou are 32 years old.You are 395 months old.You are 1,719 weeks old.You are 12,032 days old.You are 288,768 hours old.You are 17,326,124 minutes old.You are 1,039,567,446 seconds old.You are 4.7091976516634 dog years old. (You're still chasing cats!) There are 21 days till your next birthdayon which your cake will have 33 candlesThose 33 candles produce 33 BTUs,or 8,316 calories of heat (that's only 8.3160 food Calories!) .You can boil 3.77 US ounces of water with that many candles. In 1972 there were approximately 3.7 million births in the US.In 1972 the US population was approximately 203,302,031 people, 57.4 persons per square mile.In 1972 in the US there were approximately 2,158,802 marriages (10.6%) and 708,000 divorces (3.5%)In 1972 in the US there were approximately 1,921,000 deaths (9.5 per 1000)Your birthstone is Citrine The Mystical properties of Citrine Citrine is said to help one connect with Spirit. Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources) Yellow Topaz, Pearl, Diamond Your birth tree is Chestnut Tree, the Honesty Of unusual beauty, does not want to impress, well-developed sense of justice, vivacious, interested, a born diplomat, but irritable and sensitive in company, often due to a lack of self-confidence, acts sometimes superior, feels not understood, loves only once, has difficulties in finding a partner. There are 60 days till Christmas 2005!The moon's phase on the day you wereborn was waxing gibbous. Thursday, November 16, 1972 Moon's age (days): 10Distance (Earth radii): 58.55Percent Illumination 78.01%Ecliptic latitude (degrees): 4.78Ecliptic longitude (degrees): 352.02

iron Shot

Well yesterday was pretty uneventful. I slept a large part of the day. Then we took the kids and I went and finally got my first iron shot. Dr actually made me sit there 20 mins to wait out to see if I had any complications grrrrrrrrrr. But I talked to a lady with 4 kids and it passed the time away quickly. Then we went to Moxies. I had shared a pan of mushrooms with Phil. DJ and Sarah shared theirs. Sarah ordered kids pizza but felt sick and never ate it. Phil ordered Thai soup and barely could eat it as he felt sick after having a a vanilla shake. DJ had a double burger with fries. Phil and I ordered clubhouse sandwhich and salad to share. he ate the salad I started to feel sick and ate less than a 1/4 of the sandwhich. I drank a moxie size china white which got me drunk and not feeling so hot. I also had a tomatoe juice and coors light. Needless to say I felt sick when I left. I feel better now. I have also had 2 bowls of chicken soup:) We watched Ladies Night good movie. Now I am down here. I want to cry, I miss DOug immensly and I really miss sex. God I can't even remember what sex is anymore. I don't dare bring it up either because then I made to feel even worse. So here I am 3 in the morning cold and trying not to cry because I hate life, I miss sex and I just don't know how else to feel. Am I loser or what?

Toy Fair

Well we went to Sidney today. Phil wanted to go to the toy fair. He bought 3 little transformers. He ran into a guy who bought 900 dollars on transformersI wish Phil would have bought the one he wanted, it was the laser optimus prime at 125 dollars. I think he is going to regret not getting it. I got a gizmo now I need a stripe one:) I also got a 2000 angel teddy ty beanie baby. Sarah got a horse and unicorn beanie baby.I got a classic burger combo poutined at KFC but ate half the burger Phil ate the other half and about 4 bites of poutine, still have it here.We spent some money at the dollar store there. Got Sarah those silly eye glasses, a dinko dino toy which she already lost. More clingies for the tub. Some tiny tension people for Sarah. Got princess a soft little soccer ball. Oh and a washable lint brush.Then we went for a long drive, Sarah was super sick and so was I as I had a migraine. We went and picked up some garden tools from a lady and a dog bed and Sarah threw up when she got out of the car.Then we went to walmart, Phil bought both of us a black choppers long tshirt, me a black shirt, him some pants. Got Sarah some little dog thinies and a small my little pony playdoh. Got himself some weightloss pills and another transformer. Oh and we got DJ some choppers boxers satin ones. He is like wow mom I am never going to have to wear briefs again. He's pretty happy about that lol. I also got myself some codiene.Then at superstore I bought 30 dollars worth of soup, mostly chicken:) Yep I been eating ALOT of soup! Phil bought himself another little transformer there, got Sarah a series 2 tamagotchi and me a woman's day magazine. Then we got home and Phil got us all a sub as they are 2 footlongs for 7.99 today. Sarah cleaned her room, DJ is on his computer and Phil is upstairs playing with his transformers soon going to work.Doug called while we were out. I talked to him for a few minutes last night. He was supposed to call back but didn't:( So I will give him a call in a bit. I miss him so incredibly much. I sent him a email last night, but not sure if he has yet read it. So that's today right now

Hmmmm

Well Dj is home. His clothes I boguth him fit and he loves them. Sarah enjoyed karate last night and Phil has decided to go back to karate as well.Yeah Doug called me last night, I was so damn happy to hear from him and I told him that. But we didn't talk about much:(Phil and I talked late last night. I told him there really doesn't seem to be an us and I just don't know if that is fixable. It just really feels like we're in two different worlds, living 2 diifferent lives. He says it is a lull. I told him it is more than that.God I can't even remember the last time I was intimate, how sad is that? Oh wellSarah is at a girls group today. DJ is going to Brandon's. I am tired and just wanna go to bedHow the hell do I activate Active X Dj has no idea help someone anyone? Well we went and bought Sarah 2 soft my little ponies, got DJ 2 pairs of boxers and some socks, got me some lace thongs and a shirt that says naughty girls have more fun and a new pair of pants. We got Princess an angel costume and Phil got me chinese food and Sarah McDonalds. Phil bought him some karate outfit stuff for himself. We got the animals more food and treats. Bought princess 2 new collars one is a choker and a glow in the dark ball. Oh what fun

This and That

Well we got princess a doghouse today. I really wanted to get her a crate, but Phil through a fit about it. But it's a nice dog house. Now she just has to get used to it. Yesterday we went shopping, I got some new shirts and a piglet nighty:) I love piglet so much:) Got Sarah a few new shirts, got DJ silk boxers and got some other things as well. Phil got 5 new transformers. Yep he loves to play with his toys. Don't think I have talked to Doug for about 2 weeks now. I miss him so much. Hope all is well with him. I worry I haven't seen his car at work either.
Today I got a couple new shirts one says it's only funny till someone gets hurt then it's hilarious and the other says housework is evil it must be stopped. I had to have it. Sarah's new shirt today says I can beat every boy in the neighbourhood and Dj's new shirt says I taught your girlfriend that thing you like. I know he'll love it. Would love to know where the hell he is though grrrrrr.
Also picked up a little lamb for Mary, got Phil and I each a keychain that says I love my german shepard. Phil now has 2 black eagle windcatchers, one for the bedroom and one for the car. He bought Sarah her white princess costume. She is ever so happy with that.
Teachers are still on strike. I was hoping it would soon come to an end. I mean I fully support their reasons but I miss the regularity of school for the kids.
Phil's moods have been getting really bad for about 2 and a half weeks now. Getting so I don't know how to be around him anymore. We pretty much live completely different lives. Ya'd never even know we were together most days. I just want to cry all the time ya know? I hate life I really do!!!

Misery

Well I saw my doctor today and she says my iron is really low and apparently my iron is not going to change. The fact I have had no shots in 2 months well that apparently is why my muscles are stiff and in pain and why I am so damn tired and fucked up and moody. So I am getting back on the regular shots, oh lucky me. I am willing to do what it takes though the hell I been going through. Oh and when it comes to Phil and I, well we have not gotten along to well as of late. Just seems we are in totally opposite thought processes. When it comes to Doug well he has been quiet not a peep, so not sure what he's up to now a days. Ce la vie I suppose.