A typical rage moment caught..
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Thursday, March 29, 2007
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Alot of Thoughts Today
It is a beautiful sunny day today and the windows are wide open allow the fresh air into the place. Phil cleaned up the downstairs and he did a most wonderful job. I have been rather lazy the last couple of days with a migraine that just won't go away. He has gotten on my case about eating. My brother is gone to San Fransicisco. Hopefully he is gonna remember to get me a button:) He and Phil have really gotten on my case about my lack of eating. They think I am not eating enough food in the last couple of months. I say I don't look as if I am starving so leave me alone :(
Question out there would you people out there like to add to my button/pin collection? I have been collecting them since I was in grade 3 and I would love it if you would add to my collection and they are not to expensive to send me. I would love you forever if you sent me some. You can email me for info on how to send them to me tenderone@shaw.ca They are pushback buttons and pins any will do. I actually want to get them hung up again I need to get some cork boards to get them hung up again. Actually any soccer stuff sent here would be awesome too especially beckham stuff, my daughter would go crazy. I wish we could authenticate the one picture we got iut is suppose to be his signature but I somehow think we might have got ripped off. I can't find anyone to authenticate it. Does anyone know if it is true he is coming to Vancouver BC canada? If he is when, where? How long? For what? I would love to get her close enough to see him:)
Last night we were told that Anna Nicole Smith died of drug overdose. I cried. I am not sure why I feel so close to her story. I just feel so sad for her. She apparently had a concoction of 9 meds. in her system. topomax, valium and ativan were just a few. Also chloral hydrate.She had absesses on her buttocks from needles. Obviously someone was giving her shots. I also have had shots, no way I could do that myself. I am not convinced it was not foul play :'( They did say she would have went to sleep and felt no pain died peacefully. I am glad she had at least that. I do wonder about the bruises they found on her shoulders, which they explained away by falling on her back the week before. Something doesn't sound right to me there. I don't buy that excuse. I can't believe they would. I think people just don't care and so they are allowing this sloppy investigation slide. My heart aches for her it really does. Now the investigation on her son Daniel is on and I bet they let it pass quickly too. Oh they also say Anna had a bacterial infection influenza. It's all just so sad.
A new Season of Gene Simmons Family Jewels has begun. I love this show. I so wish I had money. They are having an auction on ebay to win time with them http://www.ebay.com/AETV I want to meet Nick Simmons. I am not usually into young men like him, but he is funny, and charming and cool, very down to earth. I love how he teases his dad. I admit I have a huge crush on him. Just one kiss from him would make my life:) :( I wanna win the auction :( I hope Shannon Tweed is pregnant I think it would be cool for them to have another baby. I hoped we would find out this first new show but we didn't :( Grrrr AETV your killing me here....
I have to say I got alot of people who answered my last post Society and Mental Health thanks so much for writing me and answering me. I don't want to say what happened to me and for you my readers I know that is something your not used to from me. I am usually quite open about my life but this was especially hard for me.
I am curious what people think about me sharing as much as I do here online. Because my brother thinks it is an aweful lot to share. Phil absolutely hates that I share so much. My friends they keep up with me by reading my journals. Phil thinks I twist things alot. However What I am doing is not twisting it. It is how I feel and how I see it and think it and view it. How he might feel and view it might be different that doesn't mean what I say is wrong. Does it?
I have a question for my audience out there. Phil has never known his biological family as his 2nd dad adopted him and then he was raised by the dad he has now. He is now 36 and more than ever would like to piece that part of his life together. He would like to find his father Richard Osterlund 1931 July, Robert Osterlund his son , sisters Crystal and Wanda, other family: Winnie & Anthony Emmerick(Osterlund) & Genie White(Emmerick). If you think you might be related or know any of them please email me at tenderone@shaw.ca
Sarah now has a video of her telling her favorite joke online:) 'Thats A Worm Son' http://view.break.com/258322
Sherri and I went to Moxies for dinner I had mushrooms and teraki chicken rice bowl, Sherri had a burgery. Then we went to the Sticky Wicket. She showed me Big Bad Johns. Wow that is a naughty place. How is that a place worthy of a halth code inspection. If I had a sweatshirt on I probably would have left my bra but I had a low cleavage shirt on so I didn't. I did get a picture of me there though:) We phoned Doug and asked if he wanted to come out but he was on his way to sidney. Roger came and met us for an hour or so. I had a 2 shark attacks and a rum and coke. There were alot of preppie people there. Not used to being around preps much. We went and checked out an irish pub, that place was pretty cool:)
Sherri and I are planning on going to a POF function with Doug soon I am looking forward to that. Doug says it could get ugly but I think it will be just fine. I mean we're all grown ups not children right?
Man I need a massage like so damn bad. My shoulders neck and back are just killing me. Phil is not really into massages and for some reason my feet and calves are back into being really stiff and hurting again. It's like my feet want to curl up it is just a pain I can't really describe but a long massage helps but most people are not into giving feet massages ya know? I also need to get more tiger balm. I swear by that stuff.
http://www.nedic.ca wow what a distubing commercial. The girl is majorly putting herself down and it says something about a majority of 10yr old being on a diet. What is going on with out kids today?
I don't know why my ex Michael doesn't get it but he is feeding Mary chocolate and peanut butter all the time and oatmeal to go bars at 300calories a bar and 3 bars in a go 3 times a day she is gaining weight big time right now. I know he can eat till the cows come home and not gain weight but she has weight in females on both sides of family and he had me gain alot and now her. She is only 14 and I hate her having issues with weight already I didn't think it would happen :( What do we do?
One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip tothe country with the express purpose of showing him how poor peoplelive.They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would beconsidered a very poor family.On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was thetrip?""It was great, Dad.""Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked."Oh yeah," said the son."So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.The son answered:I saw that we have one dog and they had four.We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden And they have acreek that has no end.We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars atnight.Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields That gobeyond our sight.We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.We buy our food, but they grow theirs.We have walls around our property to protect us, They have friends toprotect them."The boy's father was speechless.Then his son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are."Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happenif we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying aboutwhat we don't have.
I am using a calendar which reminds me of my friends birthdays.Could you complete my calendar, I don't have all of your details. Just use this link:http://www.jippy.com/?N6mibBD36X3hnZKN%2fahdYQ%3d%3dAlrighty I guess that is it for now, until I write again.....
Question out there would you people out there like to add to my button/pin collection? I have been collecting them since I was in grade 3 and I would love it if you would add to my collection and they are not to expensive to send me. I would love you forever if you sent me some. You can email me for info on how to send them to me tenderone@shaw.ca They are pushback buttons and pins any will do. I actually want to get them hung up again I need to get some cork boards to get them hung up again. Actually any soccer stuff sent here would be awesome too especially beckham stuff, my daughter would go crazy. I wish we could authenticate the one picture we got iut is suppose to be his signature but I somehow think we might have got ripped off. I can't find anyone to authenticate it. Does anyone know if it is true he is coming to Vancouver BC canada? If he is when, where? How long? For what? I would love to get her close enough to see him:)
Last night we were told that Anna Nicole Smith died of drug overdose. I cried. I am not sure why I feel so close to her story. I just feel so sad for her. She apparently had a concoction of 9 meds. in her system. topomax, valium and ativan were just a few. Also chloral hydrate.She had absesses on her buttocks from needles. Obviously someone was giving her shots. I also have had shots, no way I could do that myself. I am not convinced it was not foul play :'( They did say she would have went to sleep and felt no pain died peacefully. I am glad she had at least that. I do wonder about the bruises they found on her shoulders, which they explained away by falling on her back the week before. Something doesn't sound right to me there. I don't buy that excuse. I can't believe they would. I think people just don't care and so they are allowing this sloppy investigation slide. My heart aches for her it really does. Now the investigation on her son Daniel is on and I bet they let it pass quickly too. Oh they also say Anna had a bacterial infection influenza. It's all just so sad.
A new Season of Gene Simmons Family Jewels has begun. I love this show. I so wish I had money. They are having an auction on ebay to win time with them http://www.ebay.com/AETV I want to meet Nick Simmons. I am not usually into young men like him, but he is funny, and charming and cool, very down to earth. I love how he teases his dad. I admit I have a huge crush on him. Just one kiss from him would make my life:) :( I wanna win the auction :( I hope Shannon Tweed is pregnant I think it would be cool for them to have another baby. I hoped we would find out this first new show but we didn't :( Grrrr AETV your killing me here....
I have to say I got alot of people who answered my last post Society and Mental Health thanks so much for writing me and answering me. I don't want to say what happened to me and for you my readers I know that is something your not used to from me. I am usually quite open about my life but this was especially hard for me.
I am curious what people think about me sharing as much as I do here online. Because my brother thinks it is an aweful lot to share. Phil absolutely hates that I share so much. My friends they keep up with me by reading my journals. Phil thinks I twist things alot. However What I am doing is not twisting it. It is how I feel and how I see it and think it and view it. How he might feel and view it might be different that doesn't mean what I say is wrong. Does it?
I have a question for my audience out there. Phil has never known his biological family as his 2nd dad adopted him and then he was raised by the dad he has now. He is now 36 and more than ever would like to piece that part of his life together. He would like to find his father Richard Osterlund 1931 July, Robert Osterlund his son , sisters Crystal and Wanda, other family: Winnie & Anthony Emmerick(Osterlund) & Genie White(Emmerick). If you think you might be related or know any of them please email me at tenderone@shaw.ca
Sarah now has a video of her telling her favorite joke online:) 'Thats A Worm Son' http://view.break.com/258322
Sherri and I went to Moxies for dinner I had mushrooms and teraki chicken rice bowl, Sherri had a burgery. Then we went to the Sticky Wicket. She showed me Big Bad Johns. Wow that is a naughty place. How is that a place worthy of a halth code inspection. If I had a sweatshirt on I probably would have left my bra but I had a low cleavage shirt on so I didn't. I did get a picture of me there though:) We phoned Doug and asked if he wanted to come out but he was on his way to sidney. Roger came and met us for an hour or so. I had a 2 shark attacks and a rum and coke. There were alot of preppie people there. Not used to being around preps much. We went and checked out an irish pub, that place was pretty cool:)
Sherri and I are planning on going to a POF function with Doug soon I am looking forward to that. Doug says it could get ugly but I think it will be just fine. I mean we're all grown ups not children right?
Man I need a massage like so damn bad. My shoulders neck and back are just killing me. Phil is not really into massages and for some reason my feet and calves are back into being really stiff and hurting again. It's like my feet want to curl up it is just a pain I can't really describe but a long massage helps but most people are not into giving feet massages ya know? I also need to get more tiger balm. I swear by that stuff.
http://www.nedic.ca wow what a distubing commercial. The girl is majorly putting herself down and it says something about a majority of 10yr old being on a diet. What is going on with out kids today?
I don't know why my ex Michael doesn't get it but he is feeding Mary chocolate and peanut butter all the time and oatmeal to go bars at 300calories a bar and 3 bars in a go 3 times a day she is gaining weight big time right now. I know he can eat till the cows come home and not gain weight but she has weight in females on both sides of family and he had me gain alot and now her. She is only 14 and I hate her having issues with weight already I didn't think it would happen :( What do we do?
One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip tothe country with the express purpose of showing him how poor peoplelive.They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would beconsidered a very poor family.On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was thetrip?""It was great, Dad.""Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked."Oh yeah," said the son."So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.The son answered:I saw that we have one dog and they had four.We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden And they have acreek that has no end.We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars atnight.Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields That gobeyond our sight.We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.We buy our food, but they grow theirs.We have walls around our property to protect us, They have friends toprotect them."The boy's father was speechless.Then his son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are."Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happenif we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying aboutwhat we don't have.
I am using a calendar which reminds me of my friends birthdays.Could you complete my calendar, I don't have all of your details. Just use this link:http://www.jippy.com/?N6mibBD36X3hnZKN%2fahdYQ%3d%3dAlrighty I guess that is it for now, until I write again.....
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Society & Mental Health
Well I had a scary moment happen to me this week and it was the result of my being bipolar. I won't go into what happened but I will say what I have taken from it is that people in this world professional and unproffessional need to learn alot more about mental illnesses and what to do in a manic situation. To be able to notice it and get them the help they need instead of traumatizing them more by contributing to the confusion more. I have to say mental illness because I am sure it goes beyond being bipolar and into many other things. They need to recognize the signs and realize YOUNG and OLD get confused and lost. I think this can be accomplished with public service announcements, education and courses for professionals who are likely to be contacted to deal in these situations. I would love to become a part of getting that message out and talking about it. Just wondering who to call and where to go to have that heard and who will have the drive to say yes heres where we get started... Especially now that mental illness is becoming more spoken about. People are being told it's ok to be on meds for bipolar and schezophrenia but if you have a bad day and have a bad experience chances are that experience may set them back and may make them not feel ok about being mentally ill. Does anyone get that? Am I making any sense?
I have to say here on my bad day I was happy to hear Doug and Phil actually spoke nicely to one another holy shit to wonders never cease to amaze me. Also I have never been so happy to have someone pull me into their arms and tell me it was ok I was home, I was safe and it was all going to be ok. Phil and my brother were so supportive and both say everyone has a bad day. I still get teary eyed. I just feel so stupid and I was just so happy to see my brother. He really seems to always be there when I need him, he always has. And I am supposed to be the big sister :( But yeah Phil did hold me until I stop trembling and did what he could to make me feel safe.
The next day I cried ALOT, as I usually do I reached out to Doug and as usual he had me laughing my tears away. He told me a story of his own where he felt stupid and it made me laugh, somehow he always finds a way to make me smile. I still smile when I think about one of the things he told me. I swear that man could make the most miserable person laugh. Anyone who doesn't have Doug in their life really are missing out on a gem of a man. And I am just so glad he and Phil didn't fight when Phil called him. That says alot to me.
Tonight I am going out with Sherri, dinner and the club. I doubt I will drink though. Just starting to feel better and I am just happy to be going out with one of my best friends. She is my longest and best friend. It's Saturday night....
Oh and Phil's dad has had his second surgery and is doing well. Angels I tell ya are watching over that family. Can't wait till easter weekend going over to salt spring island for a wedding on Chocolate island. I am excited just to be going to an island with that name lol, and 2 out of my 3 kids will be with me so that rocks. Lots of family will be there.
Alrighty then off for now...
I have to say here on my bad day I was happy to hear Doug and Phil actually spoke nicely to one another holy shit to wonders never cease to amaze me. Also I have never been so happy to have someone pull me into their arms and tell me it was ok I was home, I was safe and it was all going to be ok. Phil and my brother were so supportive and both say everyone has a bad day. I still get teary eyed. I just feel so stupid and I was just so happy to see my brother. He really seems to always be there when I need him, he always has. And I am supposed to be the big sister :( But yeah Phil did hold me until I stop trembling and did what he could to make me feel safe.
The next day I cried ALOT, as I usually do I reached out to Doug and as usual he had me laughing my tears away. He told me a story of his own where he felt stupid and it made me laugh, somehow he always finds a way to make me smile. I still smile when I think about one of the things he told me. I swear that man could make the most miserable person laugh. Anyone who doesn't have Doug in their life really are missing out on a gem of a man. And I am just so glad he and Phil didn't fight when Phil called him. That says alot to me.
Tonight I am going out with Sherri, dinner and the club. I doubt I will drink though. Just starting to feel better and I am just happy to be going out with one of my best friends. She is my longest and best friend. It's Saturday night....
Oh and Phil's dad has had his second surgery and is doing well. Angels I tell ya are watching over that family. Can't wait till easter weekend going over to salt spring island for a wedding on Chocolate island. I am excited just to be going to an island with that name lol, and 2 out of my 3 kids will be with me so that rocks. Lots of family will be there.
Alrighty then off for now...
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
I have a dream
So you wanna know what my dream is? I have lots but this one is one I cry about dream about, wish about. I am happiest laying down cause then I look so skinny. I want plastic surgery I need to get rid of this excess skin. in some places it truly hurts so badly. I need my arms done, my thighs, my butt, my back my stomach and neck and face all done and breasts lifted so as not to weigh on my back. I have 15lbs more till I would be at the heaviest I would have been in highschool. I told Phil that and he yelled and said no your not how can that be if I weigh what I weigh? I wanted to cry. I was thinking how fricken fat do I look if he said that? I went from feeling really proud of how far I had come to feeling like this fat horrible thing again. I should just starve myself. I mean if I look fat to him I must look really fat to others. I really need all this excess skin removed. My daughter said I'd probably loose the weight I need to loose if I could get the skin removed. I bet my back would feel better for it too. Oh God that would be great. The excess skin hurts so bad sometimes I HATE IT!!! If you feel like making a contribution to my dream come true please do :) :) :)
In the last couple of days I made roast and steak for dinner. On the weekend Sarah had her championships sat they won 6-3 with sarah scoring half the goals, then the second game 3-0. But the kids swarmed her 5 onyop of her so she could never score in that one. Sunday was held off till this upcoming saturday. Which kinda sucks but I am sure we will kick butt again.
We spent saturday night at Phil's parents place. So sunday I did some laundry and I scrubbed and cleaned off the shelf I have in my kitchen. My brother noticed right away, Phil still hasn't said anything. Then yesterday I spent over an hour working on the livingroom and did 4 loads of laundry. I cleaned off the computer desks, pulled them out, fed the fish. Didn';t say anything about that either. I guess he doesn't need to say it. I mean I'm not 3 right?
He just came home ate the dinner I made and went to the bar. Somewhere I haven't gone to alone to since I have been with Phil. Because like Phil has said to me time and time again people are flirty and drunk and don't care if you have a ring. Even when your there with someone they'll hit on you. He has said that himself. But apparently that's different now. I should just trust*tears* Should I just trust him? I am so fricken messed up right now, I don't trust and part of that is the past lies. I really hate the drunk aspect even if he's not. Not to mention hello people slip stuff in drinks at bars. Man Here I go crying again. Let's move on to something else...:'(:'(
Oh the blood tests show I am not in menopause whew hoo, but she figures I am gearing up for menopuase and so yes have the symptoms and they will gradually get worse over the next 2 years :( :'(
Oh ya know growing up I always thought people were talking behind my back. I am sure my teen friends from school would remember that. It cause me to have many fights. I took that into adulthood cause I still think people do. Now I know that is somewhat of a bipolar issue, but it is also because I have have caught peoplke doing it but don't generally tell them, depending on the situation and who it is. Alot of times I will cry and then go see them later. My mom was famous for it and still is.Phil is famous for it.
I hate when I find out people who say encouraging things to my face really say not so nice things when their behind my back. One day I was laying in my bed and 2 people I care about had a good 10 min conversation about me and none of it was good. I just layed there and cried. I in that moment wanted to die.I felt so stupid and unwanted and lied to. I really feel like there is no one who thinks anything good about me.It hurt ALOT! I don't get why on earth I need to be living here on earth, what gives?
In my next life I wanna be a bear lol:)
"If it's what you love it's worth fighting for"-RG"In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure."-Bill Cosby"Success isn't a result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire."-Arnold H. Glasow MENtal illness, MENstrual cramps, MENtal breakdown, MENopause............ Ever notice how all of women's problems start with men?.........And When we have real trouble it's HISterectomy!!!!
A Friend Is Like A Good Bra... Hard to Find Supportive Comfortable Always Lifts You Up Never Lets You Down or Leaves You Hanging And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!
In the last couple of days I made roast and steak for dinner. On the weekend Sarah had her championships sat they won 6-3 with sarah scoring half the goals, then the second game 3-0. But the kids swarmed her 5 onyop of her so she could never score in that one. Sunday was held off till this upcoming saturday. Which kinda sucks but I am sure we will kick butt again.
We spent saturday night at Phil's parents place. So sunday I did some laundry and I scrubbed and cleaned off the shelf I have in my kitchen. My brother noticed right away, Phil still hasn't said anything. Then yesterday I spent over an hour working on the livingroom and did 4 loads of laundry. I cleaned off the computer desks, pulled them out, fed the fish. Didn';t say anything about that either. I guess he doesn't need to say it. I mean I'm not 3 right?
He just came home ate the dinner I made and went to the bar. Somewhere I haven't gone to alone to since I have been with Phil. Because like Phil has said to me time and time again people are flirty and drunk and don't care if you have a ring. Even when your there with someone they'll hit on you. He has said that himself. But apparently that's different now. I should just trust*tears* Should I just trust him? I am so fricken messed up right now, I don't trust and part of that is the past lies. I really hate the drunk aspect even if he's not. Not to mention hello people slip stuff in drinks at bars. Man Here I go crying again. Let's move on to something else...:'(:'(
Oh the blood tests show I am not in menopause whew hoo, but she figures I am gearing up for menopuase and so yes have the symptoms and they will gradually get worse over the next 2 years :( :'(
Oh ya know growing up I always thought people were talking behind my back. I am sure my teen friends from school would remember that. It cause me to have many fights. I took that into adulthood cause I still think people do. Now I know that is somewhat of a bipolar issue, but it is also because I have have caught peoplke doing it but don't generally tell them, depending on the situation and who it is. Alot of times I will cry and then go see them later. My mom was famous for it and still is.Phil is famous for it.
I hate when I find out people who say encouraging things to my face really say not so nice things when their behind my back. One day I was laying in my bed and 2 people I care about had a good 10 min conversation about me and none of it was good. I just layed there and cried. I in that moment wanted to die.I felt so stupid and unwanted and lied to. I really feel like there is no one who thinks anything good about me.It hurt ALOT! I don't get why on earth I need to be living here on earth, what gives?
In my next life I wanna be a bear lol:)
"If it's what you love it's worth fighting for"-RG"In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure."-Bill Cosby"Success isn't a result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire."-Arnold H. Glasow MENtal illness, MENstrual cramps, MENtal breakdown, MENopause............ Ever notice how all of women's problems start with men?.........And When we have real trouble it's HISterectomy!!!!
A Friend Is Like A Good Bra... Hard to Find Supportive Comfortable Always Lifts You Up Never Lets You Down or Leaves You Hanging And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Today Is ANother Day
Today I did all the new questions on my Tickle account. That was fun, haven't done that for awhile and did my mood Swings thing. The answer was no surprise moody and down, gee omg really? noooooooooooooo...I have a doctors appointment tomorrow see what the blood tests say. Need to get some meds for bladder infection too odd to joy :PI made steak today with potatoes. I am guessing my potassium is low again because I am on a potatoe kick again. I don't get why I get low on potassium at times. But I do know I don't want to go and have an IV and I refuse to eat bananas so hopeful this potatoe thing is working. Soccer championships is this weekend. keep the positive thoughts that we kick some butt this weekend:) I also did a quiz on Chatelaine this was the result:Quiz: What’s your secret strength?You've got strengths that you don't even know about. Take this quiz and let your inner invincible woman fly you to new heights of success and confidenceBy Stacey S superpowers are:passionPassionLike a chili pepper, your intense red-hot energy kicks it up a notch. You are rarely reserved—instead, you let your emotions steer your big bold reactions. You are enthusiastic and exciting to be around, trusting the fire of your desire to lead you. Dedicated to living everything to the utmost, you give yourself wholeheartedly to the people and projects you believe in. Pump up your power Sure, some may struggle with your drama-mama tendencies, but many others will find all that out-in-the-open emotion intriguing and inspiring. Fan this flame. Take on various leadership roles and become a motivational maven.Superpower sucker When your mood turns stormy, let's face it, you can be a lot to handle. To avoid overwhelming others, keep one eye on the context and the other on your volume. Ending all your comments with exclamation marks isn't the only way to be heard. This is no surprise to me either is it it to any of you readers of my blogs? They said I could make it better if I added some flexibility, oh gee ya think? I guess I can at times be a little 2 faced. I don't like looking like a bitch in public but behind closed dooors yeah I can yell and say bad things, hurtful things. However I do HATE HURTING ANYONE, anyone who knows me I would hurt myself before I would hurt anyone else. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I hurt deeply. It kills me to see anyone hurt. Always has and I know it always will. Being yelled at in publkic has always and will always bring tears and shame to me. That's all I will say about that for the moment!oh I am curious how people thing about women who get it on with guys who are just legal enough to sleep with. I myself have always always always been atractted to men my age or since about my 20's older men. The oldest being Doug who was 10yrs older than me. But I know people attracted to 19, 20 21 and say I don't know what I am missing, are they right? Cause my response was but my son is 16yrs old only 3 yrs younger. They said don't think of it like that. I mean I am not saying it's wrong either way I am just curious how many feel the same as the ones who have told me it's great?TO MY READERS AND THOSE WHO ANSWER MY BLOGS THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU DO TOUCH ME SO MUCH, YOU REALLY HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH! IT'S NICE TO KNOW PEOPLE CARE I AM OUT HERE YA KNOW?
Monday, March 05, 2007
Trying To Be Alive...
So yesterday I made cajun chicken, stuffing, potatoes and corn. Cleaned up my basement floor again. Folded up the blankets and put a load of laundry in the wash. I also had some fun with Sarah last night on FLIXTER. Seriously you can have some fun on that site doing the trivia with your kids as there is alot of kids movie trivia, teen movie trivia extra. We spent about an hour playing. You gotta check out the site and join here is my invite url: http://www.flixster.com/servlet/invite/6773521jiaABCm Today I made pork chops, potatoes, and corn and I picked up some pecan gooey buns for dessert. My brother was a bad boy he ate one before dinner. I cleaned up a big part of my bedroom and cleaned the inside of one of my shelving units in the livingroom. Called the school and got some forms for sports for next year. Also did some emailing with someone who is interested in starting a cheer group here in Victoria which would be awesome. I contacted her first as she does cheer in ontario.Also contacted a family member in ontario about family reunion next summer trying to organize that as I talked to my friend Barb/Phoenix and I have decided to go to visit her in New York next year. OMG I am so excited. I would like to try and see her for at least a week this year as well. I apparently need to get my passport done and then get some funds together and see if I can get s cheap flight there. Damn I wish I had more access to money:( I wish I could go now. I so badly just want to go away :'( I am so glad she is as excited about me coming out though as me wanting to come out. OMG she is so much fun to be around. BARB I MISS YOU CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU *jumps up and down* anyone wanna help me get out there? Man I would love ya forever seriously. I hate being poor :'(Oh man did ya see CSI NY with Criss Angel playing a Bad Magician that was so cool he did an awesome job. What I wouldn't do to see that man perform. He really is a wonderful illusionist. I talked to DJ for quite awhile today he made my mom cry yesterday. He really has turned a cold shoulder when it comes to my family. Even his friends apparently have commented on his harshness. Sometimes I really do contemplate on so many of the decisions I have made in my life. I also think about the things I want to say to Bryan about his son. He knows what he did but it was yrs ago, he was 17 hormoes make you do stupid things and I don't hate him for the past. It hurts it scarred me but DJ is a beautiful man and despite how he came into this world he is a part of Bryan and he looks like Bryan I see it and sometimes it's like looking right into Bryans eyes. I just feel like peace will never come until he faces his son at least for me. It's fun I can still remember every single moment and to this day almost puke and burst into tears if I can't escape hearing the song "we didn't start the fire" That song haunts me. I bet he doesn't even remember it. Anyhow I think alot about Bryan this time of year only because it's the turning of age for DJ. I've been told Bryan recently got married and his parents sold the restaurant and retired. I see they still live in the same house though as they always did. A beautiful house by the water. I still remember that place clearly as well:)Hmm got a movie on TV Looks good "Love Thy Neighbour" 2005 Alexandra Paul, Gary Hudson (Mystery, Suspense).The Show Cold Case last night where Lilly investigated a young mom being murdered after having her baby girl in an unwed home had me just crying my eyes out. I don't believe the girl who murdered her ended up being charged though but it wasn't very clear but if she was it would have been PTSD she didn't really know what she was doing. That was why I was crying. Those kinds of shows really get to me. Specially when they are so well acted out. I love that show :)Below are other sites I am on but they are up to you to join *hugs*http://ladyillusions.blogspot.comhttp://clearblogs.com/ladyillusions/http://www.buddy9.com/?49095 You can earn money just by having friends here cool place to check outhttp://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=512194816 One of the most popular sites on the net and even talked about big time on many TV shows and commercials. http://tagged.com/ladyillusions Tagged a site everyone seems to be on, I see alot of family has been joining, Phil and I are both on herehttp://www.obesityhelp.com/member/ladyillusions/ My weightloss surgery site ObesityHelp.com a site for people who have had or are considering weightloss surgeryhttp://www.i89.us/viewuser.php?uname=LadyIllusions A place where I can post my favorite link, I update this periodicallyhttp://www.frappr.com/ladyillusions Frappr a very cool site, lots of cool groups and maps and pictures, a huge amount of us are on this sitehttp://ladyillusions.multiply.com/ Multiply a very fastly growing site and quite a few of us are on it, tons of groups, pics ecthttp://ladyillusions.hi5.com Hi5 Another very popular site with videos, pics, blogs, groups ecthttp://360.yahoo.com/profile-9m_YOaA0baM_P7pVVe27Y_QSrgpu Yahoo 360http://ladyillusions.toadfire.com Toadfire.com a canadian site blog, very actively answeredhttp://yourladyillusions.spaces.live.com MSN Spacehttp://www.friendster.com/91253 Friendsterhttp://LadyIllusions.bebo.com/ Bebo A nice little site with quite a few things being added quite a bit and lastlyhttp://ladyillusions.livejournal.com/ Livejournal my friends and I have been on this site for years:)K I am Off:) the text quoted here automatically.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Join My Website
I'm a CARE Corps Online virtual volunteer.Please visit my Web page athttps://my.care.org/care/advocacy/tenderone-623501 and show yoursupport on behalf of CARE. The fight against poverty can't be won alone, so I invite you tojoin me in taking action on some issues that are very importantto me. Please feel free to pass this message along to any of yourfriends who might also be interested.Sincerely,Angela MacRaeVisit my personal page at:https://my.care.org/care/advocacy/tenderone-623501
Maybe Coming To?
Well I am writing this on Mar 3 and today was a long assed day. Considering I have not really slept. Phil and I spent alot of the night fighting. Then I had to stay up to go to the soccer game. Wow those girls played so well and so hard, that other team needed to be taught how to play for sportsmanship not to hurt people to win is all I have to say. It was nice being at the game but I kinda felt like an outsider around the other parents and they have by the way it sounded and looked money I could only hope to have, and my girls dad only has cause he gets it from mommy and daddy. who needs a sugar momma or dadda huh? I've never had one of those, but I do seem to know quite a few who found their money pockets. Some I think more money than love which is sad isn't it?
Ok I really could give two cripes about what people say but I truly believe Anna Nicole loved her husband and not his money. Hi he found her, she was a playmate for goodness sake she could have her pick, she knew Heffner hello?????? Is everyone stupid? You know she is just better off from her small time past and people were envious and jealous. If you have to belittle her to feel better have at her. Rest in Peace dear sweet lady and may your mother trip off a cliff if she continues to try and desicrate you by digging you and your son up. Soon Anna soon all this will be over and the angels will be all that is remembered.
So I lost my engagement ring, almost lost my other diamond ring too, what the heck? Can my fingers get any fricker smaller? my engagement ring was already a size 4. At 16 my finger was a 5, hello?
Oh I am curious has anyone ever heard of anyone having the symptom of smelling blood on a consistent basis but there is none? Also someone who has always had perfect skin for the most part having bumps appear on the chin along with a dry rash and sometimes itching only on the chin. cutting open the bumps results in a small tiny like pebble and clear fluid being released. Only to grow back within a couple of days? Painful as well? If you have any known reason for what this may be?
Is there anyone else out there who collects the "CLAIRES" trinket boxes they have been putting out for at least a few years? I been collecting them since they started with 90%angel and last year got every box but one, I am so choked. I had missed 2 but one of the store girls gave me hers. Which rocked. Just curious if anyone else has them like me might have the one I might be missing. Some months I buy a few because they relate to my girls. Actually my nephew I gave him my frog one so I replaced it:)
I am not sure what is going on with Brittney Spears but I have to say I do feel for her. I really hope she now gets the help she needs. I think she just had too much too fast and she broke. Different people can take so much right? For those kids of hers I hope she gets well soon. MY thoughts are with her and her family.
Anyhow I will go, this is almost a normal post huh? LOL
I wanna say thanks to my brother for standing behind me when I broke and you know I will break again. Thanks to Sherri for sticking me out all these years. She is the one friend I have known since I was in elementary school. now she has seen some crap:) Lin for still being there to reach out to, and Doug for putting up with me when I get impatient with you, your friendship means alot!
K I am off to watch America Justice :)
Ok I really could give two cripes about what people say but I truly believe Anna Nicole loved her husband and not his money. Hi he found her, she was a playmate for goodness sake she could have her pick, she knew Heffner hello?????? Is everyone stupid? You know she is just better off from her small time past and people were envious and jealous. If you have to belittle her to feel better have at her. Rest in Peace dear sweet lady and may your mother trip off a cliff if she continues to try and desicrate you by digging you and your son up. Soon Anna soon all this will be over and the angels will be all that is remembered.
So I lost my engagement ring, almost lost my other diamond ring too, what the heck? Can my fingers get any fricker smaller? my engagement ring was already a size 4. At 16 my finger was a 5, hello?
Oh I am curious has anyone ever heard of anyone having the symptom of smelling blood on a consistent basis but there is none? Also someone who has always had perfect skin for the most part having bumps appear on the chin along with a dry rash and sometimes itching only on the chin. cutting open the bumps results in a small tiny like pebble and clear fluid being released. Only to grow back within a couple of days? Painful as well? If you have any known reason for what this may be?
Is there anyone else out there who collects the "CLAIRES" trinket boxes they have been putting out for at least a few years? I been collecting them since they started with 90%angel and last year got every box but one, I am so choked. I had missed 2 but one of the store girls gave me hers. Which rocked. Just curious if anyone else has them like me might have the one I might be missing. Some months I buy a few because they relate to my girls. Actually my nephew I gave him my frog one so I replaced it:)
I am not sure what is going on with Brittney Spears but I have to say I do feel for her. I really hope she now gets the help she needs. I think she just had too much too fast and she broke. Different people can take so much right? For those kids of hers I hope she gets well soon. MY thoughts are with her and her family.
Anyhow I will go, this is almost a normal post huh? LOL
I wanna say thanks to my brother for standing behind me when I broke and you know I will break again. Thanks to Sherri for sticking me out all these years. She is the one friend I have known since I was in elementary school. now she has seen some crap:) Lin for still being there to reach out to, and Doug for putting up with me when I get impatient with you, your friendship means alot!
K I am off to watch America Justice :)
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