Recent December Thoughts

Just laying up here talkin in bed wth Phil. We still can't believe dJ'S ULTIMATUME! Ce la view I suppose. I love my son and I realize he has had a life that has been confusing and hard. I partially blame his dad but his dad walked out before he was ever born right Bryan?
I had a talk with my brother about Dj's addiction to gaming and how it seems to be the one and only thing that seems to matter to him and bring him happiness and I wanted to understand the reasoning behind it. After listening to my brother break down Dj's life and break down gaming and how the two work together it's almost impossible to not understand why he wouldn't love his computer and gaming. In fact I should be thankful to God that that is what it is he is drawn to he could have been drawn to much much worse.
It's angering to me that my son is from a very very very well to do family his grandparents are very high up people in north bay ontario. Roman catholic family. Run a well known restaurant and have turned their back on their first grandson from day one. I tried to have them involved sent his grandmother pictures and letters. I did everything, even DJ sent notes but they just turned their backs on him. I found Bryans brother on a popular school site and he never wrote back when he realized who I was. I have had a few people write me to tell me where Bryan is and his parents are still where they have always been. But you can drag a horse to water but you can't make them drink.
I saw Motley Crue and Aerosmith. I have never been to a big girl concert before people were drunk and high. Motley Crue was ok but not like I expected. I LOVE MOTLEY CRUE but they semmed like a really held back kind of group they swore alot but held back. Niki Sixx was way better than I would have ever expected he actually seemed the most hard assed which shocked me. He handed out a bottle of champagne and came out and sang with aerosmith singing helter skelter:) Aerosmith however holy moley I LOVED IT they were really into the crowd they come much more into the audience, they are more interactive, the lights and stuff are much more involved. They are also much cleaner not as much swearing and seem much more inot their music than into acting. I really enjoyed their concert. We were only about 10 feet away and I could have sat another 2 hours of them singing he just rocked. Very well put together. I want to see them again.
I am so sulking right now because more than anything I want to go see MEATLOAF and so many people are going to see him. He will be in Victoria FEB 28th 2007. I just want to cry I am a HUGE MEATLOAF fan and always have been. I doubt I will get a ticket though:(I hate it I really want to go. I wanna know if they are gonna sell the bat out of hell CD's as a trilogy set cause I would like that as well.
I finally talked to Doug today, been trying to get ahold of him for over a week. He is seeing some chick up in sooke named Cindy. He is working at his work and the casino and doing the floors still and goes up to nanaimo for work still. Yep still a workaholic, just always working working working. Always says he is gonna cut back on his hours but somehow seems to work more and more :'( But he actually phoned while at work today and I am gonna call him later.
Phil is back at work. He works days. His arm hurts still seems more lately but it could be all this cold weather. He is happy to be back at work but hates going to bed so early because he has to get back up early.
His dad did get the tumour out but they found more and there is nothing they can really do. So this is pretty much from what it looks like is his last christmas. We don't have any set time of how long we have with him, so we cherish the days we have. Phil is not handling it well at all. Sarah doesn't quite understand how to connect to it. It's a very confusing time for everyone. We saw dad yesterday he was alot quieter than I am used to seeing, but it was nice to see him. It just makes you take stock of what we have in life you just never know from one day to the next what will happen and who will be here still.
I have alot of things I have written down but I think I am just gonna forgo them. I have a computer up in my room now by my bed thanks to my brother setting it up. THANKYOU ROGER!!!! I have the best brother ever. The thing about having my brother around so much is he sees everything. He has had a few major talks with me. The things he says are true but are hard to hear. But also he doesn't make me feel bad, he applauds me just for getting up. He understands how hard each step in a day is for me. He doesn't do it in a belittling way either, he does it in a way that makes me smile. He congradulates me on every little step I do. He does think I am being emotionally abused and worries about that. He didn't just say I am being emotionally abused either he has said things Phil doesn't get, I mean he's not being one sided.
Quite a few people have told me I should do something I don't know I can do lately, even by people who love Phil dearly and it's easy to say for everyone, but for me to do it, it's not like me to deal with things that way. I am just so confused right now :'(
Oh wouldn't you know it I got those teeth pulled out and they broke my jaw as it was infected badly and now I broke another fuckin tooth and it's killing me. I am seriously considering having them yank out all my top teeth and getting false teeth :( God the pain a broken tooth br4ings is just insane!
As much as I hate Christmas I did decorate. I have a beautiful white Christmas Tree and victorian colored decorations, and a big burgandy ball in the livingroom and hallway and white icedrops and gold snowflakes hanging across the livingroom, gold and white around the doors, gold bells, a red ribbon on the door, burgandy treeskirt, and mistletoe :) I hate christmas and this year I seem worse but I did most of the shopping, and Phil is just angry this year so it's made me hate it more. I will be glad when the holiday is over! Hope everyone elses is much better!