Home From Salt Spring Island

Well Sarah has another video uploaded you can see it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzbPe_0tnbA
Before I go on with my blogging check out this beautiful love letter it will bring a tiny tear to your eye lol "ur a fuckin cow...why the fuck would u post that shit of phil getting mad at u on u tube are u fuckin retarded...even after I already asked u to shut ur mouth...and stop airing ur dirty laundry about MY family ur a stupid bitch with a warped mind who noone likes FUCK YOU" Wow I sense some hostility there. Isn't it a good thing I am not out looking to win a miss popularity contest? I do not feel bad for putting up that video. I put up that video because I am fuckin sick of him always denying he yells and gets like that with me. I was trying to prove a point. I won't be making any more videos it was a one time deal to try and make a statement. Actually the member who wrote this sweet letter I have adored her since I met Phil's family and I am sorry she feels this way but I am not going to apologize for how I deal and have dealt with thins. I am tired of laying down and taking crap in life. I know she loves Phil and I understand why she feels the need to protect him but I have my own side too and I am not going to stop doing what I do to deal with my own pain!
This weekend for example was hard to deal with. I got into it with Phil's mother and Phil felt the need after some time of arguing to step in and say something on my behalf. I listened but later upstairs I told him I can fight my battles and I love him for sticking up for me but I am not a child and I could handle the fight on my own. I probably shouldn't have gone this weekend I still feel super sick. I went to the wedding and tried to go to reception but after Phil's mom degraded my son and he was so upset he couldn't eat I was just too upset and too ill I needed to leave. So phil brouth me back to Aunty Jo's and I crashed right after I got home until about 10"30pm when a few people got home and I guess I crashed again cause I don't remember Phil getting back at all. The wedding was beautiful we went to Chocolate Island Springs I could camp there would be very romantic and nice. I did save a shell from there :P
Dj had a cruddy time he told me he is never going again that upset me. All because he was made to feel like he was a bad kid :'( Sarah I think had fun. Oh yeah DJ told me on friday that he is going to get adopted by his foster parents. That was like a big sharp hot piercing knife through my heart. He also wants to take their last name. That is hurting me so bad right now that I know I am hyper sensitive to everyone else and what they say. Doug says he can't see it happening and Phil has been pretty supportive too. Still I am worried and still hurts more than words can say. It feels like anything I love or get close to in life always leaves me and so I feel like I have to keep everyone at arms length because if I let them in and they hurt me I just want to die :'( I have lost so much in this lifetime and I just can't take one more loss. I don't know how my brother goes on everyday having lost his daughter and his wife. Had that been me I would be dead.
Oh yeah Phil got to see his older half brother Robert in Vancouver. That was a big moment for him. I think he looks alot like Phil, same eyes and nose I think. Now if we could find his biological dad:)
Our filter for the fishtank died and so did three of the fish :( So we need to get on top of that!
For easter Phil bought me a signet bracelet it is gold with a cross so pretty. I have ALWAYS WANTED ONE!!! But it's a childs one :'( :'( I want one I want one I want One :'(He says he is going to go get me an adult sized one. I hope he does that soon cause I am just so excited to have one.
Ya know I thought I have been struggling with the flu but someone pointed out how stressed I seem to be lately which could explain my chin problem and irritate the ulcer the dr's are sure I have. I seem to get ulcers very easily. They took out a ton of them when I had the gastric bypass.
Anyhow enough for now LATERZ....