Virtual March

Well Roger came here today got the rest of Mary's stuff. Of course Mary was not nice and I am glad Sarah wasn't in the house to hear it. The room is totally destructed so we have to go through it. Anyhow I joined this virtual march why don't you too?
http://www.stopglobalwarming.org/
campaigns/sgw/impact/
d03476181fe7f9ac922fec31b52916a7/

Just Another Day In Paradise

Well Roger and Christine came here with Mary to pick up a bunch of her stuff. Phil refuses to pack her stuff so DJ and I started to. It is hard going through her room though. It is going to be Sarah's. I am not sleeping well, trying to keep busy to keep my mind of the pain.
Then Christine told Phil that the friends Mary was hanging with aren't bad, well fine then let her drink and do drugs and be out all hours of the night.
I talked to Michael again last night we're talking alot about things and how we both feel. I have alot to say to my brother, but for the moment I am not in any condition to talk to any of them. I think there is some things that are crap! Anyhow I am off for now. Bye

On Again Off Again Emotions

Well Phil and I are having some real communication problems. Just can't seem to reach one another.
Doug did call last night but I missed his call.
Roger and Christine came over with Mary and her bird was dead. I felt so bad for her. I checked on him and he was fine and Phil fed him. God. Now I am supposed to pack her room, her room that she destroyed oh lucky me. Ce la vie I suppose.
Hate life right now ya know. Only thing keeping me going is Sarah. We've been having family dinners with her, we talk with her, we take her out. Doing all we can to make sure this doesn't happen again. Anyhow also talked to Michael last night, he is not sure how he feels about the whole Mary thing, so we'll see what happens.
That's my life at the moment...

Dying Inside

Ya know when your heart is aching and all you want is for the one you love to hold you in their arms and love you, doesn't it just feel like death when they push you away? I am so tired of crying and everytime I think I can stop I have another reason to start again. However I can't cry to the one I need to because he sees it all as a woman's way of manipulation. Cause women are mass manipulaters and hurters and want it all and want everything our way. I don't know how to deal with that. So I hide when I cry, I hold back because I hate being told off for hurting. I feel so dead inside right now. I can't help but want to reach out somewhere else. I truly feel so alone and lost right now. I am dying slowly everyday

Peace in the House

Well Mary is gone and peace is so nice around here. I did fight with Phil but out of sheer exhaustion and frustration that my daughter is not here. I fell asleep after 2 days of no sleep. I saw the doctor and got prescriptions. House is finally getting cleaned up and finally staying that way. I can even see my backyard now. Doug was quiet but wrote me last night I got it today I had not heard from him for a week. Yes Phil knows I saw and yes he knows we talk. He is ok with that he knows I need to talk to someone. Sarah is telling me a story so I am off

Heartache

Well it came down to it. Mary was with some real bad kids and going down a real bad road. I called my brother as Michael won't take her. He's her last chance pretty much. She thinks I chose Phil over her but I didn't . The other kids love him and never have a problem with him on the hole. It breaks my heart but it has to be done, so breaks my heart

Well hey

So here I am and here is my first post, jumping right in Well the police were here today. Mary and Phil got into a physical altercation. Mary left with her friends and doesn't want to be here if Phil is here. I called her dad and left a message, I am gonna have to do something. Mary kicked Phil and he flipped a chair. He hates her disrespecting me. But he also can't shut his mouth. He was half way up the stairs and Mary started again and he came down and said she would not have the last word. It's like that all the time. He won't take his meds. He won't admit he has a temper, and today I asked him if he finally gets I am terrified of him hitting me or Mary. He said yes. He was crying, I know he doesn't want this. It kills me, I feel like the two of them are making me have to decide who I love more. I just want to die, it hurts so bad. My back has hurt so badly the past few days I feel like my bones are giving in on me, and taking off. I saw Doug the night before last, was nice to see him. He is balding much more but he is always so easy to talk to and be around. Never worried I will say the wrong thing and get yelled at. Anyhow shall go for now, laterz