Another Night of Tears

Well Sarah hates me and has done nothing but yell, cry and tell me she will never forgive me. She hates that Phil left and hates that I got rid of Princess. Dj is upset he won't have what we could have with Phil and Mary is also upset about phil and the dog going. Mary, Sarah and I have done nothing but cry. I packed anything Phil ever gave me to look at any of it would only remind me of the lies and betrayal and how little we all truly ever meant to him. Obviously I was never good enough for him. I knew I should never get so close to anyone I knew it could hurt the kids but no he assured me and I believed him and I was fucking stupid. Ya know yeah he punched my chair and the wall but he also is holding in this pain about something that happened to him as a child and he is letting this fucking guy from childhood ruin everything in his life. Anytime you get close he runs and he won't stop running until he forgives himself for not doing what he so much thinks he should have done. I wish he would stop giving this guy so much power over his life. It hurts me because I see how much it affects him and hurts him and he blames so much, God I hate it. But who am I to fucking say anything? God there is so much I have sacrificed because I just want to help him. FUck I hate this. I also hate and cried all night about my baby girl thinking of her outside in the wind and rain and how she is used to being in the house, I miss her and had to put away anything that reminds me of her.I don't know I am just dead and numb and I can't cry anymore yet I still do. I hate life...