Alive and changing

Well I haven'treally been online lately. I did go to see my therapist and they put me back on my meds. I always feel dizzy and nauseated when I first go back on them. I told them though my biggest issue right now is I am constantly feeling aggiated. I don't want to be touched or huged or even have anyone talk to me, because I have this creepy crawly feeling in me when they do. I can only explain it as trying to listen to as many things at possible and through all that noise you are trying hard to concentrate on what the person is doing. I have never felt this aggitated before.Since I have been offline I got some new jeans, I got a leather jacket that had a fricken awesome low price. We figured out how to use the ipod. I got a couple of warmer shirts. I had no warm winter clothes. We bought Sarah's big gift and even Michael put money towards it. I am impressed. Sarah has her hair cut short now. We got tired of telling her to brush her hair. It looks bad when she doesn't brush it.We discovered Princess has like this scaly skin on the back of her by her tail. It's like baby cradle cap never seen that on a dog before. So I been treating it with tee tree oil and combing out as many flakes as I can every day. My therapist put me back on my sleep meds because I have been up for 3 and 4 days at a time sometimes. Even though I am tired I can't sleep. Having them is slowly getting me back on track and I only need them when I am so wide awake and need to sleep. Lately I am again getting tired on my own.I got a shock from my heating pad. Man that hurt. I discovered the wires were out of the plastic that supports the wire. I was thankful that I got shocked rather then there being a fire. I bought a new one which happened to be on sale, that rocks. Plus this one has 4 settings and it turns itself off in 2 hours time. My ears have been ringing for 4 days now I hate that. I also have that stiff achy feeling in my lower legs and feet. This time though it's slowly also happening in my arms. Massage helps to an extenet but honest to God I feel like someone is trying to pull my bones out of my toes. Then on top of that I feel really hot. My feet are hot legs are not as hot but warm and my hands are hot and sore. My hands get so hot I swear I could fry an egg. It's seriously not cool.We get our hampers in just a few more days. Curious what these chrisco hampers are like. You pay just a bit of money every month for I think 8 months and then just before christmas they bring them to you. We ordered a turkey hamper, a roast hamper and a strictly just chicken hamper. On TV the hampers look awesome. I love this time of year egg nog season whew hoo. It's the only part of this part of year that I love. I hate christmas, I hate the holidays. It's depressing and nothing like I remember as a kid. I haven't talked to Doug much a couple times he was supposed to come over but it never came to be due in my part. I am still not really hungry but thirsty alot. I can't seem to drink enough and I have been laying off the pop too. I actually drink alot of water and milk and light eggnog cause normal eggnog is too much for my pouch now. I'm almost done with my shopping for Phil. I thought I was going to die when I went to the mall. I had such a bad anxiety attack I had to call Phil to come get me. I hate crowds. I've changed so much I used to be the most social person and now I prefer to stay away from everyone and I have learned to trust no one and I do mean no one!!!We tried out the shaw phone and love it so we're getting rid of telus and sticking with cable phone. I love being able to call anywhere in north america at any time for free and 411 is free and 911 is beefed up.I broke another tooth omg it kills I been using anbesol so much. I will eventually have to go in because the nerve is exposed. Cold and hot stuff omg OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!Phil is really trying to be sweet with me and patient with me. We've bickered a couple of times but nothing serious and not long fights thank god. He is always always telling me that he really does love me. He wants me to trust him but I can't go there not yet, not ready. I watched the Knots Landing reunion last night, now I also saw Dallas this year what we need now is Dynasty. Such a blast from the past.`You know what I hate about meds? The dryness it leaves in your mouth, blech.I was talking to Phil I told him I want to go back to school. Even if it is just 1 or 2 classes. I have such an interest in criminology. I would so love to be a profiler. I am always profiling just for kicks. I'm sure it's different in real life though. I am so happy to now have a cell phone, no more spending a quarter to find out where the hell he is in the store. The first place I always look is in toys because his transformers are his whole life, and I am surrounded by them.Sarah is still coming and laying beside me at night till Phil gets home. It's not every night but she's still doing it. I think that will slowly stop. The pain I was talking about ya know in my arms it's wierd cause the insides in the crook omg when I put my arm out or stretch it in any capacity it's like owwwwwwwwwww. Why do I have to have so many things wrong with me? It's not fricken fair and I am tired of it. Oh I have a small stuffed piglet now. He is my favorite cartoon guy. I am waiting for my pillbury dough boy to come now too. I have a plastic one and a stuffed giggly one. My dog can sit, lay down, shake a paw, jump up and catch a toy or food. But I can't get her to do SPEAK or ROLL OVER. I tried to teach her to keep something on her nose and flip it into her mouth:( Oh and she has learned to get a toy or ball but can't seem to grasp dropping it when she brings it back. She plays cat and mouse. Silly dog. We went to vacuum and nothing was getting picked up. The fricken thing is clogged. There is no blow button and it's an upright bagless how the hell do I get it unclogged? Princess has her hair everywhere mine is around alot too it's grown alot. Anyhow I've bitched long enough I am off ta ta...